Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Best Advice for Gifted Toddler/Preschooler?

I was responding offlist to a Mom of a 3 year old and I was looking for our threads about "General Advice" for Parents of Gifted Toddlers. I couldn't find it, so I though I'd ask here: What was the best advice you got, or wish you had gotten about your gifted Toddler/Preschooler?


Here's my wishlist:

1) It is a big responsibility. It just is. Now is not too early to start planning for school days, to learn more about alternative schools and homeschooling (more in Ruf's Losing our minds, which I SO wish I had had.) Mostly right now enjoy and document. Write a lot so that you will have a clear picture of what your child is ReallY like, that you can compare to as time goes by to see if an educational setting is really meeting your child's needs. It isn't natural, afterall for children to become unhappy, and lose their love of learning when they reach a certian age.

2) Time to start gearing up for the financial part of the journey. ((sad to say))

3) Educationally, follow the child's lead, perhaps like the unschoolers do? You want to give of your attention, and expose your child to interesting situations rather than get out the flashcards and worksheets. OTOH, some children aren't fit to live with unless they can spend some of their energies on worksheets daily, so again, you follow their lead.

4) The magic advice to get local "Grandparents by Choice" into your life.

That's my list, What is yours?
Happy Holidays,
Trin

One on one interaction is important, as with any child. They just soak it up more than most. Even hum-drum activities can be educational. For instance, when we drive in the car on errands we'd recite every nursery rhyme and poem we could. I'd start it, they'd finish. We'd count by 5's, 10's, 2's, 3's, etc. Sing every song I could remember (not just kid songs), then play categories (ask them all the types of trees they know, flowers, types of music, cars, etc.) It all requires so much energy on Mom (or Dad's) part, but they are constantly thinking.

Probably my most important advice is reading to them (until they lose patience with it--when they can plow through books faster than your voice holds out). Read fiction, non-fiction, poetry, sayings, etc.

When you're just plain beat, educational computer games are great to have them work on when you need a quick nap--they might need you there at first but will quickly get the hang of it. Read as much as you can yourself about giftedness. There are some great articles and books out there.

Consider testing young (4? or 5?) if your child is very precocious. If your toddler is reading, see about early acceptance to kindergarten, or skipping kindergarten and going to first grade.

I agree with Trinity about exposing them to all kinds of things. Museums, workshops, ceramics classes, etc. play board games that are designed for older children. Prepare yourself for a lot of work and explaining everything. I used to make cookies all the time with my 2-3 yr old and would explain about measurements, nutritional info (food groups), chemistry, etc. while doing so.

I also agree that there is a financial legacy that goes with giftedness in terms of giving them opportunities (lessons, books, online subscriptions, magazines, software, games, and later camps and distance learning opportunities...before you even get to college).

Finding playmates is a challenge. My kids luckily play together (I have 4) even though the oldest is 7 years older than the youngest. They prefer it to age-mates. Highly gifted only children probably depend more on their parents for interaction.

GOOD LUCK!

On early acceptance into Kindergarten, you may or may not be able to get that, depending on the local philosphy. Our local district in Massachusetts simply won't consider it, even though our 4 year old is reading easy-reader type material, and even though a gifted specialist emphatically recommended that she be in Kindergarten next year.

We're opting as far as we're financially able to send her to a Montessori school.

Good move Stillnight!

I hear that ssome Montessori School are terrific for gifted kids. You can always try the district again with the grade standing granted by the private school.

Trinity

HI Everyone,
I have been reading this site for a while and would love some advise.
My DS is 2 1/2 this month and he loves, no make that LOVES, to spell and count. At last count, he can read over 200 words and knows all the basics like colors, shapes, ABC's and numbers. Everywhere we go he asks me to spell everything he sees and can keep a running total when counting things like school buses or dump trucks. I have read to him from day one, and now, at his request, we read 5 to 7 books a day. He has his favorites and has started reading them to me. I things I'm most proud of, though, is that he is a sweet, kind, funny kid with a great sense of humor and imagination.
I guess what I'm worried about is my own ignorance as far as his mental development. Are there certain areas that I should be introducing him to? He is an Only and my DH and I work from home, so he has our complete attention most of the day.
Trinity suggested some books I plan to read and Cym had some good advice in her last post.
Please --- share your wisdom !

happymother

Hi Happymother,
How wonderful that you AND DH can work from home - I so wanted to figure that out, but didn't.

What kind of books does your son like you to read? One idea is to see if higher level ones will hold his attention. My son didn't read until first grade, but he loved, loved to listen, and was listening to Baum's OZ books by age 3, also loved The Phantom Tollbooth.

Best Wishes,
Trin

Hi Trinity,

This cracks me up everytime he asks for it, but his favorite book is " Comprehensive Curriculum of Basic Skills " I got at a garage sale. It's for preschoolers so it's teaching the basic stuff. Just in the past few days he has asked me to help him trace his fingers over the words and numbers. I have found that books with complex story lines don't hold his attention, but he loves Goldilocks, Three Little Pigs, and walks around the house spelling the titles of those stories.
One thing that really has me worried is my DH asks our DS to spell for people - all the time -- and of course most of the time he is too shy to. I've begun to notice, though, that DS tries to get the attention of Grandparents or friends when he is doing something normal, as if everyone should see what he is doing all the time. Does that make sense ? I don't want to him to feel he has to show off or prove how smart he is to be accepted. I know some of it is being 2 1/2, but any thoughts on this ?!!?
I went to our local(small) library and they are having to borrow Deb Ruf's book from another library, but I can't wait to get my hands on it. Any other good books I could look for ?

Have a good night all,
happymother

Yes - This is cause for concern. Obviously it's cute and understandable that you and DH would want to show him off - but it's the first step down a very hard path. Can you get your husband to read some of the threads here about perfectionism? When DS10 was little, DH and I would point to big boys that we thought DS10 might resemble physically when he grew up - perhaps you could bring that energy to it. Once you have the Ruf book, you can show DH why you think that your child may grow up so different from other kids.

Anyway, controlling another person's behavior is difficult, but if you can, without paying too high a price, do so. No more spelling for attention.

"Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades: And What You Can Do About It" by Sylvia Rimm, page 40 refers to the kind of attention that our kids tend to get, and then she explains all the problems that it can cause down the road.

She expresses the same message to a different audience in How to Parent So Children Will Learn by Sylvia Rimm

Both are availible through amazon with the "search inside feature" so take a look and see what suits you. I think that this is excellent advice, but haven't excelled at following it. Perhaps if I had started earlier?

Best Wishes,
Trinity

Thanks for the words of wisdom and the book ideas. On a more personal note, DH and I are starting counseling next month and I'm hoping to get some helpful input on the subject from the therapist. Maybe DH will listen more to him then me.
My stepmom suggested getting him more into music, that it was another avenue of development. She said she got him a kazoo for X-mas. The DH will just LOVE that.
Any thoughts or ideas ?

smiling as always,
happymother

Dear Happymother,

My kids also enjoyed workbooks when they were little. I hate that other people think I'm shoving it down their throats, when really the boys were the ones who wanted to do it. I always thought it was their craving for quality time with mom (I would sit at the table with them as they plowed through pages) because it was so rare to have individual time (I have 4 kids). They were driven to learn and I was happy to buy them. Other than workbooks, I took them to the public library a lot, helping them select books about things they were passionate about (one loved dinosaurs, one war and weapons, one fighter jets, and one folk tales from different countries). Enrichment stuff (museums, nature walks, even theater productions) is always good. I didn't start worrying about testing until they were 4, but I know some of the IQ tests can assess kids as young as 2. I don't see how the results can help that young since the earliest schooling options aren't open for kids younger than 4.

Hi CYM

My DS likes the library too, but it's more for the stackable cushions then the books yet. We do check some out so he does get that library time means different books. I would love to take him to some of the places you talked about, but getting DH to agree is hard.
I have not even thought about getting him tested because he does get shy around some people and at this stage I'm not really wanting to scare him. My main concern is am I stimulating all of his learning potential. My stepmom gave him a recorder(flute) for Christmas, but it's too loud for him - he holds his ears when it's played by someone else and he won't play it at all.We got him Play-do and he likes that, but all he wants is for me to spell things with it. So we spelled Barney using purple.

I happened upon a website of a "gifted" school, right here in my home town, but it's $6,000. a semester, plus supplies. Bar winning the lottery, I don't see that happening. Anyway, that a few years away. I'm thinking home schooling may be our best option.

Hope everyone had a great holiday,
happymother

Happy New Year!

I really believe that it is possible to make the public schools work, even for highly gifted children. I encourage you to look at that option when the time is near. Grade skipping helped my kids, plus accelerated curriculum, and enrichment. Even if they're working more than one grade ahead, skipping one grade seemed to put them closer to where they need to be. I've been very lucky in that the administrators are very cooperative and helpful. I asked about a math competition and *poof* they enrolled. My little experience with private schools (only from preschools) is that they have less resources (computers, software, textbooks, library, etc.), don't require as high qualifications in teachers, and were constantly fundraising. I'm sure that's not true across that board, but I really think that if you help your school or your class, you can help make it great. I spend a lot of time coordinating guest speakers and field trips for my son's middle school class. There are a lot of professionals who enjoy the opportunity of teaching kids for an hour or two.

I've known some kids who've done well at private, parochial and public schools. I've knon kids who don't seem to be a good fit anywhere! I thing the early enterance is a big help, if the child is even "enough" across the skills.

Love and More Love,
Trinity

One of the public junior high administrators told our neighbor (who was new to the area and seeking advanced instruction for her daughter) that most gifted students (here) go private. This is in a very well funded school district! Approximately 70% of our property taxes go to the elementary and high school districts. That 70% well exceeds what we pay (in addition) for our children to attend a private school.

I believe that the philosophy of the school superintendents and principles of a school district make the difference in whether or not public school is the correct option for gifted students.

We also have experienced a private school in our area that charges very premium tuition for what basically equates to supervised self study.

For us, a Catholic K-8th school with flexible leadership is the best solution.

We haven�t ruled out our public high school yet which has different leadership than the elementary and junior high.

LOL - That school sounds heavenly! Especially if they allow each child to go at their own speed. ((wink)) When it comes to schools what one family needs might be terrrible for another family. Flexability and Openness are the best. Also Decency. Even two children with identical IQs may have very different learning needs in a school setting.
T

Clarification: Children were publicly recognized for how fast they could plow through repetitive (and thin) workbooks. Many kids went through several a week at a cost to parents of $20.00 a piece.
My idea of the ideal classroom is children grouped by ability receiving instruction at the appropriate level.
You are right that no one solution is best for every gifted child.

Of course I'm joking, a bit, I like your idea better, let's through in multiage as a norm, all grouped together by readiness, which is re-assesed often.

Still, for all the expense and frustration, DS10 would love the cheesy easiness of plowing through thin workbooks, as long as the challenge level was about right, and not just MOTS (More of the same.) Of course Online workbooks would be his favorite of all! Maybe they could be set up for the Nintendo DS.....

Are all these gifted kids so insecure that they need tons of reassurance, or just the Extroverted ones?

Smiles,
Trin

Even within the same family educational needs are different. One of my sons loves reading, one loves "doing" (art, building, etc.)--but all 4 love expounding, debating, really picking apart issues. In that ideal class we're designing, let's make sure there's lots of Socratic learning.

I believe it would be cheapest by far to individualize education and forget these horrible conglomerated masses of "normal" kids.

T'ain't no such thing!!!

Mite, btw, and Rite, btw2, love Socratic reasoning and discussion. They even partook in the local Socrates Cafe for awhile, before it debunked due to the facillitator having an affair with one of the participants and causing a big stink, not appropriate for young boys to think Socratically upon!!!8^P

Thus I would say include a lot of free "thinking" time and a lot of "arguing" time.

According to our daughter, one of the sixth grade teachers (male) encourages kids to argue for more points on a test. If they convince him, they get the extra points. If they �waste his time�, he deducts points.

I think this is characteristic of an unusually good teacher. I love this idea!

Some people have expressed wanting to learn more about Homeschooling gifted and very gifted children. I asked my homeschool contacts about a reccomended resource, and was pointed to


http://groups.yahoo.com/group/hs2coll/

Best Wishes to all who venture along this path!
Trinity