Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy What to do with 3rd Grade Son

I have a DS 3rd grade who is very advanced. We have not done anything to accelerate him at school at this point because even though he rarely learns something new, he seemed happy. But this year this has changed. It began in the Fall when they were working on science fair projects which I thought he would love, but he became frustrated with his when he decided it was stupid and would have no impact on the world. He loves science and has been researching things on astronomy, geology, animals, and more since he was probably 4. And he pretty much remembers everything he ever reads.

I started to notice his perfectionism like never before. We saw the doctor since I thought maybe there was a medical reason for his melt downs and she suggested that since these only occurred at home, it was behavioral. He heard this and that week he started acting out at school. Since that time this has pretty much subsided, but he has very intense emotions and can change on a dime.

We saw a psychologist and he was evaluated to have an overall IQ of 141. The therapist recommended that we advance him to fourth grade mid year even though she figured he would still be bored. At least we would be moving in the right direction. The school is not in favor of this and used a test that all third graders take at the end of the year to show that he had not "mastered" the material. This was a social studies test, so I cannot how the fact that he lacks factual knowledge of something he has never heard can in anyway be used in the decision to accelerate him. His latest reading assessment at the same time has his reading comprehension at 11th grade 6 months. They are supposed to be giving him more enrichment - which I think is happening - and he participates in the gifted program, but that is only 2 hours a week.

Outside of school he takes an adult pastels class and is very talented, plays baseball and is on a gymnastics team. He is a kid that is good at everything he tries, so I just keep trying to give him more. But I don't want him to be bored at school and I want him to be challenged there. I just don't know what to do.

My questions : 1. Any advice on dealing with the emotional issues?
2. Any suggestions from people who have been in this position have on how to improve his educational experience. I have not continued to push for the acceleration because I do not know if he really wants this. One day he does and the next he doesn't. It's this emotional roller coaster we have been on since the Fall.

Any insights/suggestions are welcome!

No help sorry. Just bumping for you.

I do agree that his knowledge (or lack) of third grade social studies is completely irrelevant.

Hi MomofFour. Welcome!

He sounds like a neat kid. As you may know, perfectionism and intensity often go along with giftedness.

I don't know your situation, obviously, but whenever I read about struggles at and with schools, I always think to myself, "it doesn't have to be so hard!" I have two kids, both of whom can be intense and perfectionistic. My daughter tested EG/PG, and my son hasn't been tested but I'm sure he is quite gifted too. I have been homeschooling all along, and our early elementary years have been really lovely and fun. My dd is 10 and my ds is 8, and I honestly believe that all three of us will always have really fond memories of all the fun things we have done.

The thing about homeschooling gifted kids is that the conceptual challenge can be as high as you like, but the workload and stress level can stay very, very low. So for science this year, my dd is watching documentaries like NOVA or Cosmos, or Brian Green. She is also listening to one of the Great Courses on a science topic. She can take in the concepts and we can discuss them at length, and there aren't hours of busy work.

I'm not sure if homeschooling would even be an option for your family. Obviously, it requires a pretty special set of circumstances to be able to do it. But I am a very enthusiastic fan.

Good luck!

MOF,

Usually, the achievement test for grade skipping is on Math and Reading. Even then, there may be gap that our kids may have missed but eventually, they will figure it out on their own. It seemed like your school administration is ignorant about Gifted education (even though they have gifted program).

I would opt for grade skipping but keep in mind that some sports team based on grade level and he may end up competing with older age group and it will not be fair.

If he is mature enough, you could sit down and talk with him about scenario and possible choices (grade skipping and advance academically or stay in grade and keep his friends but give him a chance of out of school enrichment activities). Let him OWN up to his decision. (which means that this is his decison and he can't have emotional outburst) It works with my DD8 since she was 7 but still doesn't work with my DD11 :-)

He sounds a bit like my son was in 4th grade. He hit a wall of boredom that year and never wanted to go to school. His creative and intellectual pursuits were after school (including competitive gymnastics!-- lots of gifted boys on my son's team).

Our school, however, did agree to a grade skip after seeing IQ and Explore test scores, and doing an IAS. But for several reasons, we didn't take the skip. I'm still not sure whether we should have or not. (He's in 5th now).

What have your conversations with the school been like? Perhaps you need to come to them with a plan? When my son decided not to skip, we found the online math curriculum appropriate for him, and the school found my son a mentor in another subject area. This year still isn't academically rich all the way around, but those two changes make school work for my son, plus he likes all the fun classes like art, PE and computer lab.

As for emotional issues-- I think our kids approach things differently, so take this for what it's worth. In our family, we discuss problems in a calm setting and get his buy-in on appropriate behavior. We often let him come up with solutions and consequences (his consequences are always too harsh). In trigger situations, I would also consider reminding him of potential frustrations and behavior expectations at the beginning of the project.

One other thing that really helped my son is to let him know we understood his frustration and were working on it. We also encouraged him to self-advocate and to talk to us when he was feeling frustrated. He's also allowed to have "Mental health days" from school. He took a handful of them last year, but he's only taken one this year. I think just the idea that he can bail out if he needs to, works for him.

I agree. While I would ask for your son's input to give him partial ownership of the process, I would reserve the right to the final decision.

I was offered a double grade skip in grade 3, but my parents left the final decision up to me. I chose a single skip when the double would have been better. I languished in 5th grade with zero effort and had difficulty integrating into the new class because of a salience gap between my interests and those of my classmates. By 6th grade I had real social difficulty and remember wanting to stay home most days.

I later accelerated, cutting 2 more years, and feel I probably would have been best served by one or two further fewer years for the same curriculum. With peers, the social issues resolved immediately once I was moved ahead.