Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Problem or not??

I guess I've been thinking and worrying about how school would be for ds5 for 1 year now. I kind of feel like I'm going a little crazy. I've had numerous meetings with ds teacher. I've communicated with his previous preschool teacher. I have complained A LOT here- sorry.

Ds is slowly developing a worse attitude about school and going to school. Since Christmas break, he says he is sick (stomachache) everyday and can't go to school. I make him go. Apparently, at school, he's still acting appropriate and does what he is told for the most part. As soon as he gets off the bus, he is down and grumpy. Responds well to the afterschooling we do and has some down time. Yet, the minute things are not going his way, it's major meltdowns.

During the break, I had no major behavior issues at all. I know this has to be school related. He is bored at school, not being taught appropriately at school, and frustrated with the amount of repetition there is. I really don't know what to do.

I'm not sure if I try to struggle through till May (with 1week in Feb and 1 week in April off)? I wonder if I should stop worrying so much? I don't know what else I can ask for from his teacher/ school? I'm scared to take him out and homeschool; but is this what I should do?

A couple of people have asked, what do you want ds teacher/ school to do? My answer is just challenge him and he will be happy. He loves to learn. I just don't want him to start hating school.

Thoughts? Insight? Thanks. Much appreciated.

I couldn't remember the whole back story, so I went back and looked at some of your prior posts. It appears that you've been banging your head against a wall and getting nowhere with your ds' school in terms of better educational placement. I have a couple of thoughts/ideas:

* Did you ever get anywhere with the school GT person? I.e. - did the school do any testing or agree to group him differently based on his MAPS and AR scores? Did s/he respond to you at all other than saying that s/he would work with the classroom teacher?

* I think that giving specifics as to what you want them to do is always good. I would put in writing a request and not just have it say that you want him to be challenged. I would specifically ask to have him go to the first or second grade classroom for part of the day for language arts instruction and/or math instruction. Attach whatever support you have: his MAPS scores are good b/c you can not only show that he was at the 99th for kindergarteners on reading and 93rd for math, but what those same scores would be as compared to 1st graders. If he is performing in the top 25% of the 1st graders, there is no reason that he cannot take class with them for that subject.

Second grade language arts would require a lot more writing than 1st and is a bigger request, so you might want to start with asking for him to go to first grade for both subjects.

* Maybe request a meeting to discuss and cc the principal and possibly the district GT coordinator.

* Call the district GT coordinator, explain what you have been dealing with and the test scores that you currently have for your ds and ask what they can suggest.

Cricket has some great suggestions. We're in a similar situation and I think the answer for us is going to be to try to make the rest of the year tolerable and then homeschool.

Cricket2- First, I want to say thank you! in answer to your question about talking to the gc; he simply said he would work with ds teacher- that I needed to go through the teacher. So, do you think I write a letter to the teacher and cc the principal and gc requesting time in 1st grade?

Boy, I had no idea trying to advocate for your child would be so hard. I have told him I'm trying to help make things better. So, he does know I'm trying.

Thank goodness for all the knowledgeable and resourceful people here! Helps to vent, but also helps to read, bounce ideas off of, and learn from everyone's experiences! Thanks.

In addition to what Cricket2 has suggested, I would contact the teacher and politely say that you're following up with previous conversations and are wondering what is being done in the classroom to challenge him now? Be careful to not take too confrontational of a tone...just be "asking." Then, you'll have the info as to what's going on NOW and you can suggest specific options (like what Cricket2 said) to increase that further. You will need to be specific -- if the school thinks that what they're doing right now IS "challenging" him (and if he's being compliant and acting fine at school, they may think everything is just perfect) then they believe they're meeting his needs and responding to your request.

ec_bb is right that it is always good to try to avoid confrontational approaches. It is just so hard to strike that balance btwn not being confrontational and letting them do nothing and being so confrontational as to make them angry and defensive.

I think that I'd start with what ec_bb suggested and "check in" to see what is currently being done. I'd then take that info to request, in writing to the teacher with a cc to the GT coordinator, that something more be done. I'd acknowledge that you have a compliant child who is presenting differently in school than at home, but that the distress he is expressing to you at home is causing enough concern that something more needs to be done.

I really think that asking for subject acceleration is a good option and ask that they use the Iowa Acceleration Scale to assess him for acceleration. It can be used for both subject acceleration assessments and grade skipping assessments. It would also require them to give him some sort of an ability test, which would be good to have on file.

The only fear I'd have there is if he doesn't come out super high on a group ability test. I have one whose individual IQ scores are astronomically higher than her group ability test scores were and she's my compliant one who never appears to be having issues at school, but who is a different creature for me. It makes it hard to advocate when the kiddo both appears to be doing fine to the teacher and when the measure they are looking at doesn't indicate HG+. We had to have multiple IQ tests given, which all showed gifted+, before we got them to agree that the first set of IQ scores weren't due to "good guessing."

Might you have the ability to have his IQ tested privately? That might be another option to support a request for subject acceleration. It is also less risky b/c the school only gets to see the scores after you have and if you then choose to give them to the school.

Thanks ee_cb and Cricket2. Those are good thoughts and definitely give me some direction. I have been wondering for awhile if I should get him privately tested (even if the school wouldn't necessarily accept it). It may help me advocate for my son.

To be continued...

Melessa,

You sound so much like me. I'm at a current loss as to what to do. I've sent a letter to everyone involved saying that DS5 is looking for more challenging math and asking them to test him past the end of K, which is all they've done previously. I told them how I thought he would perform on the tests and acknowledged that I am asking for something special. That was over two weeks ago and I haven't gotten any response, not even a "we have received it and will get back to you".

I would love to homeschool but I am also scared. How will he react, can I handle my end, how will it work with DD$ being at home?

I don't wish anyone else to have to go through this but it is nice to know that I am not alone.

I will be looking for your updates. Good luck!!

We had a similar issue with my son being grumpy last year until we grade skipped him and then he was really happy. He was in prek and switched to k for the last few months and now is in first grade and loves it. It's still easy for him but he is learning some things and is getting along much better with the other kids. I still need to advocate more but the grade skip helped a lot. We went in with gifted scores and books he was reading and math workbooks he completed. I also brought a story he wrote and some drawings. We sat with the principal and were able to convince her to have the GT office test him as well as a counselor who gave him an end of first grade exam. Our school's policy required proving the child was 2 grades ahead in order to skip 1 grade... Kind of silly. Good luck!

I guess if they only skip kids one grade who are working at least two grades ahead then they have a lot of failures and can therefore claim skipping doesn't work?