Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Parent conferences only for c and below

Well, I wouldn't say that she is in an inappropriate learning environment. Aside from the excessive homework, we are fairly satisfied with what is being asked of her at the magnet. In particular, she is experiencing failure and growth in math, which is huge. She's learning how to get stuff wrong and not freak. The many special projects at this school also allow her to stretch herself.

The teacher is another story. No, we aren't the only parents who are unhappy, but school admin is not likely to be helpful. We have decided to take our lumps, basically. She's a dragon, but a relatively predictable dragon, and in some ways, DD probably benefits from a teacher who will not back down or let her argue her way out of things.


Let me clarify. I don't expect the teacher, esp. this one, to help us deal with the problems at home. I just want to know if she is seeing what we see, and also to check in on DD's social progress as seen by another adult. As far as I can tell, DD is popular and well-accepted, but this surprises us a little, given her emotional immaturity and somewhat combative nature. Also, if we do do more testing (and we probably will), it would be good to know if the school feels it is seeing significant behavioral concerns (I guess not, judging by the teacher's comments...but still).

We have had a few comments about negativity, backtalk, and argumentativeness from the teacher. That's certainly in line with what we see. But it must be MUCH less than we get at home, or DD would be in the principal's office every day. As far as I know she has not received any disciplinary consequences of note all year. They use a blue/green/yellow/red behavior system, or something like that, where we would be notified if she moved down too far.

It makes sense to want to see what other adults see - is there another one you could ask, maybe an adult from an extra curricular activity? Or is there another way to see what she does when you aren't around?

If her personality leans to the snark/argumentative side getting a bit like that in school isn't bad because it sounds like she does understand that it's not appropriate and endeavors to most of the time behave, but not all of the time which is fine since no one is perfect!

But if she is popular, doing well in school it does suggest she is able to control herself when not at home. And you would absolutely know if the school found her outside the norm. Might be worth it to ask her if other kids get in trouble a lot. She might be able to give you that perspective about whether they go easy on other behavior issues.

So then the issue is she letting go of the control it takes to achieve the school and social success or is there something going on between the two of you - a dysfunction of some sort, stuck in a rut of reaction type thing which is separate from a diagnosable LD.

More thoughts, which might be totally irrelevant

DeHe

Yes, you're certainly spot on with the last bit. What we find is that she shows this side of herself with adults she is very comfortable with--a dear friend we've known forever, and relatives after she's been with them for a while. So...I think she does it when she feels safe. It's also the case that sib issues are a HUGE part of our problems at home. She's very jealous of her little brother, who has a pleaser personality and is quite the opposite of DD in many ways. It's bad enough that I will not send them on joint playdates together for fear of what might happen. (She is never physical, but will scream and be verbally out of control.) There's never an issue if she goes solo.

This teacher does discipline other kids (their cards go to yellow or red or whatever it is) so I don't think it's the case that school is going easy on them generally.

Sorry to hear you're being required to advocate for what you're entitled to, mon. Bottom line, I'd attend the conferences and not give a second thought about whether the teachers were pleased or displeased at your attendance. You are not being unreasonable.

Alert! Sympathetic rant follows.

This is another reason why a businesslike approach to educational feedback is needed. Why do publicly traded businesses have quarterly reports, analyst calls, and PR teams? Because feedback matters and drives future value. This is even more true for fostering human capital development. My engagement teams, for instance, have weekly-- sometimes more frequnt-- progress meetings, which are necessary.

I'd like to see biweekly progress e-dashboards that parents can check with updates from teachers. Unlike businesses, parents can't hire agents to monitor their investment. Teachers cannot afford to be so complacen with such a valuable resource in their hands, and parents should never be ostracized for being engaged.

End rant.

Very good rant, Aquinas!!

I am appalled that schools are avoiding parent/teacher conferences. My DD15 makes straight "A"s and is never in trouble in school. I look forward to the conferences to determine what they are studying and what she will study. I pull out any B and ask why she got it. This is one of the reasons our daughter is such a good student and the only 2 times per year that I get into her school life anymore.