Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Trying to motivate my Montessori kid

DS8 is in his sixth year at a gem of a school here. He started at age 3 at a private Montessori and in now in the 1-3rd level class. There are so many things I love about this school- and the director and teachers. But we are still struggling with how to get him (and keep him) motivated in the environment.

At this point he is working above grade level and is making academic progress, but all while keeping up a pretty lackadaisical pace and having a work ethic that leaves much to be desired. His teachers and I all know he could really soar if he could just get to work. He seems to walk a pretty narrow path between works that he finds too easy and therefore not worth doing with any speed and works that he finds too hard and therefore procrastinates starting (he's one of those perfectionists that fears works that he may not be able to conquer with ease).

In the past year, we'd tried explaining to him that he couldn't progress a grade level without showing age appropriate work habits. This was fine because the academic level of the work he gets is not tied to the "grade" he's in. It didn't work though- he got "held back" and continued on his way, a little pouty. They've offered him chances to direct his own week (led to a week of no work), have exciting projects as carrots at the end of the week (led to amazing work for one week and then a decision that it wasn't worth it the next week), and more. The director is at a loss. He CAN work hard. He just often chooses not to.

DH is annoyed and thinks we ought to just let him fail. But how does a gifted kid fail in the Montessori environment?!? There are no grades. The director has admitted that even if he stood on his head for the rest of the year she'd want to send him to the 4-6 grade class next year because he *needs* that curriculum. If he keeps up his frankly lazy work habits he wont get behind- he just wont meet his potential. The only option they've come up with is having him stay late one day a week to finish up work that was on his plan that he didn't do. This doesn't seem to have a huge effect but it seems fair to me- although DH is opposed to it because he thinks it's just another safety net DS is abusing.

I wondered if anyone else had dealt with a kid like this and had any ideas. He is a great kid- and he doesn't have any issues that are making it hard for him to work hard (as evidenced by the spectacular performances he turns in when he's in the mood.) But I am exhausted with trying to get him to understand that playing with a pencil all day is not ok!

My kids are both like that - unless they're challenged (or motivated in some way), they don't exert much effort. The director is probably right that your DS needs the 4-6 grade curriculum.

My daughter was PLAGUED by perfectionism when she was younger and the thing that finally worked was putting her in an environment where she couldn't achieve perfection and requiring that she just deal with it. It was tough, but we pushed through and now at 10 she's so much calmer and less stressed it's like she's a different kid.

I would talk to the school again and see if there's any way your DS could be moved to the 4-6 group.

I strongly agree with requesting that he be moved up now. A good Montessori should be flexible, he probably has reached the limit of the room he is in, and I think that being placed where the challenge is greater is probably what he needs. My dd(now 12) could certainly have benefitted from moving to the 4-6 room sooner.

Just a thought - our kids went to Montessori preschool and then to an elementary school which wasn't Montessori but shared many of the same concepts and structure and was all about self-directed learning. I really really thought it was the way to go for any child, and especially for a highly gifted child, but only my most uber-motivated all-about-achievement child really ever showed much motivation in that environment. All three of my kids eventually switched to more traditional-approach schools, and in their new (yet more traditional) schools they suddenly morphed into kids who were all about motivation and achievement. Go figure!

Anyway, just a thought - maybe this school isn't where he's meant to be.

polarbear

My DD6(first grade) is in Montessori, and if left to her own devices, she would just read the whole time... So, we pay her COLD HARD CASH, and lots of it for completing her workplan and attending lessons. Each morning, the teacher picks a few jobs and she picks a few, and then she earns wages for work completed. She has become very motivated to complete her plan everyday. I know it's not Montessori philosophy, but it works, and my daughter, who once hated school and thought it was pointless, now loves going to school and earning money. I think she's learning a good work ethic, because in reality we all work for money. As for intrinsic motivation and love of learning, she still has that, but only for 'fun' stuff she can do at home with me, like Beast Academy, etc. We're so lucky that her teacher gives her appropriate work for her ability, which is several grade-levels ahead, but she doesn't like to write and would rather just read, so this system is working for us, and for the most part, she seems to like and benefit from the work she's doing in class, even if she wouldn't do it without the incentive.

Thanks to everyone for some good food for thought.

Jaimey-The cold hard cash idea is intriguing. DH had considered charging him his day's tuition or a portion thereof when he'd wasted the day or part of the day. We probably won't head the money route though since that hasn't motivated him much in the past. I'm glad it works for you.

Moving him up to the next class might be worth trying. At this point they already let him get works from over there and bring them back. But maybe he just needs to work in that environment.

Polarbear- you aren't the first to wonder if he just won't find motivation in a Montessori. I've wondered it myself. But the truth is- the public schools here are really subpar (as in- in trouble with the state and only focused on teaching kids to pass tests that will get them out of trouble). The few other private schools are pretty awful and aren't really an option for us. We are in a rural area and the fact is it's either this school or homeschool. My current way of motivating DS is losing my temper- not ideal. So for now, he will probably have to stay put.

We've had the same issue--and sometimes it seems like whatever system we come up with, DD quickly figures out how to optimize her 'take' for the least amount of effort, which can be pretty frustrating but I guess is a useful life skill. But what has worked best is if the teacher is willing to restructure the order of works so, for example, if DD gets three works done that are on her list for the day, then she gets to read for awhile, or to do a work that she really likes but has already done. Some of the teachers have been willing to help DD with this, but of course it does take extra work on their part and of course in Montessori the kids are supposed to be learning to motivate themselves, so some teachers have held it against her. For our DD, it's been difficult for us to reinforce desired in-school behavior from home, so the teacher's participation has really been key. However, we also use cash rewards (an allowance that she earns by behaving in school) and that has helped keep her on track somewhat. Also she can earn ~30 minutes of video game time at home as a reward, and also dessert (regular old dessert). Those are our current top motivaters at home. So we have the whole gamut of things that you're not supposed to reward kids with. I do feel bad about using them sometimes, but golly they can really do wonders when not much else does. Good luck!

I think it's a question of how to fire up intrinsic motivation. As others said, challenge is a big factor and maybe the grade hop is all that is needed. It also seems like the sort of encapsulated chunking that schools tend towards to spin out grades, etc. are counter-productive for an intrinsically motivated kid with a perfectionist bent. Waging an intrinsic war with extrinsic battles becomes theatre of the absurd.

Without the skip, maybe he could choose an area or two that he is passionate about to explore as far as he wants by relating other topics to it. A shift towards an open-ended learning perspective where there are no limits to how far one can run in a subject may focus the perfectionism away from effort and milestones. Perhaps he could develop his own mind map chart of learning and rate how deep and solid his knowledge is in areas as well as branches for what else he can learn.

Kids 3-6 are more likely to enjoy exploring by themselves with minimum guidance. Montessouri system works well for gifted kids at this stage.

Later on, most gifted kids would benefit from pair/group study as they discover the joy of competition to motivate them in learning. Montessouri system won't be able to meet their needs.