Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy teacher has failed my son... UPDATED

i am devastated.
my happy, bright, eager to learn new things and excited about real school- newly turned DS6 (in kinder)
went from being the above to being after the newness of kinder wore off after wk one to
#1---
bored...and disappointed.
complaining & wondering when the teacher would be teaching things he didn't already know....to being
#2---
completely apathetic in regard to school AND questioning his own intelligience
IE-he is now asking if maybe he is "stupid" and that is why the teacher doesn't want to teach him new stuff? and kids really just want to play, they don't want to learn, so maybe he isn't supposed to want to learn?
he asks what is the point of being alive?
to now---
about the only highlight of school left for him WAS recess and playing with friends- which has now evaporated-
#3---
he is "withdrawing", he no longer cares about playing,
@recess he sits alone, withdrawing into his "think dreams" so he can teach himself new things about the world. (what he says about these).

UPDATE:
i realized i need to be a better advocate for my son, i also didn't like the way i was getting so negative, and i decided to "regroup"!
i had an impromptu yet informative mtg with the asst principal today, basically i learned more of what the teacher is thinking in regard to my DS6. very enlightening to say the least!

i then contacted the district gifted/talented office as well as the magnet office-- and learned a lot of very important info re getting DS6 into a gifted program!!

#1 being that because my son was verified as gifted in june 2012, he does not "lose" that status, just because he is underchallenged and bored, and therefore underachieving presently in school does not mean that he does not have these abilites etc, and

#2 i learned that i can go ahead and apply for him to enter a gifted/high ability magnet for next year as a 1st grader and the very next day after i file the app, i can withdraw him from public school and he remains eligible.

basically it was empowering to have the solid facts, and to know that my DS6 present situation is not an uncommon one for them to hear... it means here in this district my son is not alone, others have cleared way along this path, and these fine folks at these district offices assurred me that they are on my DS6 side.

*my son is 2E and has his annual IEP review this week, upon a successful IEP outcome, the following day i will withdraw him from public school. ((when he enters back into the district, his IEP will already be in place- is the plan here))

thanks to the many people who have commented, and to the countless folks who have contributed so many threads to this board, and i have read and got valuable info & inspiration from

If he's already six, is he on the older end for grade? I ask b/c I wonder if that might help in advocating for placing him in 1st grade if he's close to 1st grade age anyway. Also, if he passed the district test for HG placement but didn't get into the program due to space constraints, I don't see as how they can now argue that he is not only not gifted at all, but near the bottom of the class.

I'd gather together whatever supporting documentation you have such as the district SAS test results, anything you have in writing from his K teacher from the beginning of the school year indicating that he was advanced (if you got any of that in writing), any other achievement test results, info from his preschool, etc. I'd then put together an outline of what you want to discuss with the AP and the points you want to hit on with goals for what you want changed (immediate placement in 1st grade with written agreement that you accept responsibility for the success or failure of this placement, or whatever else you think might work).

If you can, bring a supportive person with you to the meeting with the AP so s/he can help you stay calm and avoid crying, getting angry, or losing focus on your points & goals. Have a back up plan if they refuse your requests: moving up the ranks to talk to someone at the district, requesting a change of schools to a different school in the district, homeschooling with a letter to the superintendent & district GT coordinator as to the school's unwillingness to provide your child with a free and appropriate education...

Have you considered hiring an advocate?

It doesn't sound like your child's school is that motivated to do anything. Advocates seem to be able to get the school to at least acknowledge the problem and move forward.

Edited to Add: Just saw that funding may make an advocate hard. In that case, can you read through websites that have legal details on advocacy so you can try to do it yourself.

Also, I think in our school district if the parent requests an IEP, then the school is forced to do testing and figure out if there is a need. This can also start the ball rolling. If he is HFA, then maybe that could be your reason for requesting the IEP. In the IEPs in our district some include gifted opportunities.

I wish that the school was better set up just to meet kids where they are instead of having to do all this IEP/504 work. But, alas it is not.

I know this is sexist but I've seen it happen and heard it over and over again: If your "supportive person" happens to be a male wearing a tie, that helps. I hate it; but I'd be willing to do it if it helps.

We had a similar experience in 1st grade several years ago and I spent the whole year meeting with the teacher and the AP. Now, I wish I hadn't - I wish I had pulled him to homeschool or something else. I realize you don't have a lot of options in your situation.

I also suggest that you go to the school and observe the first grade teachers so that you can request one that you think will have a rapport with your son.

Is transferring to another public school within your district an option?

Hang in there; I know others will have more input than I do.

cricket,
that is FAPE you are speaking of,
free appropriate education...
i have wondered if maybe they are in violation of this simply b/c he came into this school also under the SASapplication- and the school is receiving $ for his SAS placement there, but they offer no actual SAS. they refuse to meet his needs.
i would say that is in violation...

petunia,
yes i can transfer him, if the school i choose has room for him. his homeschool is not the greatest... so this school he is at is not his homeschool, but he was accepted by the SAS application.
all the "good" schools in area--
they all only accept the kids from out of their boundary area by lottery drawing, done back in june....
they accept the kids they can and waitlist the others, as spots become available, they call the list.

keeping him at this school is really not an option. for many reasons.

if i homeschool him, i can make it fun and challenging and get him back to where he was. get him happy again.

cc6, a few thoughts for you:

1) I would follow through with the IEP update - it should include ability and achievement testing, which will give you hard data to use when advocating for advanced material in the classroom. Whether or not you ultimately decide to homeschool for now and don't need the data, having an ability test in your back pocket will come in handy in the future, and this is one way to get it without paying anything for it.

2) You can request that your ds be moved to a different classroom now. Even if it's just another kindergarten classroom and there is no advanced work, it's possible that putting him in with a different teacher may help break him out of the negative psychological slide he is in at the moment (and that would be my #1 concern right now).

3) Advocates don't always cost money. I am not in LA so I can't help you with specific advice or knowledge, but I can tell you that there are advocacy groups in many areas across the US that are funded by Federal $ and offer free services and/or advice to parents. We had wonderful, free advocate advice guiding us through our IEP eligibility process that we initially found through the yellow pages at www.wrightslaw.org - there is a link to "yellow pages" on their home page, and the yellow pages contain a state-by-state (and maybe area-by-area, I can't remember for sure) listing of resources.

4) You could ask your school district or your pediatrician if there are agencies that will help with advocacy. Although we found our advocate's agency through the wrightslaw listing, we realized after the fact that our ped also knew about them and would have recommended them, and they were mentioned *to* us as a resource when we went through the IEP eligibility process - our school district has them listed as a resource on some of the eligibility paperwork.

5) Does your ds' IEP specify HFA or is it written specifically for speech? Your comment that "my son is HFA (high functioning autism) most would never know he has aut. or maybe now they would?" made me wonder if the school staff knows about his HFA. I am guessing that they must, but *if* they don't, I think it would be really helpful to share that info with them. Most importantly, I think it would help in understanding on the part of the teachers, and it also might help in being able to get the services he needs in his IEP (including gifted).

That's all I can think of at the moment - I hope it helps a bit.

Best wishes,

polarbear

hi polarbear,
thank u,
and yes, you are right- his IEP states "autism" and actually, his current IEP (was) a good one for him when it was made last year- however this teacher has not been following it. and really, the goals etc, while many can remain the same--- some need to be changed to accomodate his advanced learning and possibly his processing speed of oral instruction--

i am wondering if it is possible to get an IEP for autism and at same time for the academic part (gifted etc) accomodations? how do parents with twice exceptional kids get that all worded?

re testing? i do not believe here in lausd they do this testing you refer to? i know they do it at age 3 when determining eligibility, but i am not sure they do so again?

though someone ment'd a "triennial review" where testing is done... if this is true, then his triennial is due now. i have rec'd no requests for assessments of any kind so i assume they are not planning that at this time? i will need to ask for clarification on this. also i am ambivalent about allowing this school to do any actual testing.

back to his current IEP-to clarify-
the only service he is receiving is speech therapy.
however the current schl SLP made it clear w/o even a 1st session with my son that she didn't believe he needed any speech! i was appalled. from simply mtg him and saying hello, she determined this? wow. he receives speechfor some artic but mainly he is there for pragmatics- which this SLP does not believe impacts his ablility to do the curriculum. (wrong!) anyhow....

finally re advocacy, last year i went to various mtgs with attorney's, group setting, to determine my rights. they were very helpful and the reason why i was able to get a great IEP in place for the past year. i knew my stuff.

NOW- this is all NEW stuff....

cc6, in our school district (and state), when you have an IEP come up for the three-year review, ability and achievement testing is usually repeated as part of the process, unless parents and school staff agree there is no need to retest. In your case, I would think there are really good reasons to re-test. I don't know what typically is included (here) for the early IEPs given to preschoolers because we didn't have one, but once a child is 6, the ability and achievement tests (here) are WJ-III Cognitive and Achievement tests, in other districts they are sometimes the WISC for ability and WIAT for achievement. Basically, they are the very tests you'd want to have if you were paying for a private eval for gifted id. My ds is not on the autism spectrum, but I know a few other children in our district who were first identified as gifted through their IEP eligibility processes for autism.

The difficulty getting SLP help through the school district sounds extremely frustrating. Our ds also needed SLP help and didn't qualify. I wish I had some really useful advice! Please know I know how frustrating advocating for 2e kiddos is - sending you a cyberhug.

polarbear

Sorry it's feeling so overwhelming and dark right now. I think at different times, we've all been there.

You've already received excellent advice and feedback, so I'll just add some random thoughts that come to mind:

1. Grades are not a reliable indication of Giftedness. Many kids' grades are poor despite being gifted because content is boring so not worth the effort or because good grades are not a good motivator.

2. Check with your local bar association. They can often direct you to an agency who will do pro bono work.

3. Do your best to have your emotional melt-downs at home so that at school you aren't perceived as an emotional mother who needs to be managed but rather an informed mother who needs to be heard.

4. Even if you do choose to homeschool, consider an option that will allow you to still be a part of the public school's enrollment so that the door is still open at a later date to return and so that you have access to speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc. Many districts will allow a mix, so it is worth pursuing.

I have to say that I'm very confused by this. The eChoices website said that LAUSD students don't need this form.


If your son took a test in the district, the district will contact your son's school to verify the results. And why would the principal refuse to sign or confirm something? You seem to be implying that the school is out to get your child; this makes no sense. If the child has passed the test, the administrators would have to lie to say that he didn't. Would they really do that? It seems to me that the question is, "Did the did pass the test?" not "How's he doing this year on other things?"

Certainly, if you DON'T submit the paperwork, the best that can happen is nothing. If you DO submit the paperwork, the best that can happen is that your son will go to a school more suited to his needs, and the worst that can happen becomes nothing.

here is what i am reading val :

Gifted/High Ability Magnets serve students who demonstrate ability to work two years above grade level in academic subjects. These centers offer enriched interdisciplinary academic environments that are exciting, challenging, and encourage students to use creative/critical-thinking skills. Applicants to gifted/high ability schools/centers must be verified as meeting one of the following criteria prior to Friday, November 16, 2012.
A. Demonstrate the ability to meet ALL FOUR of these critical thinking and problem solving skills in their primary language:

•Explain meanings or relationships among facts, information or concepts that demonstrate depth and complexity.
•Formulate new ideas or solutions and elaborate on the information.
•Use alternative methods in approaching new or unfamiliar mathematical problems.
•Use extensive vocabulary easily and accurately to express creative ideas.
Your child’s teacher and the principal of the school your child is currently attending will determine if your child meets all four characteristics.

I'm sorry if this was addressed later (I'm just popping in briefly and didn't read the rest of the replies). However, if they are receiving SAS $ for your child, I'd think that you've got good cause to hold their feet to the fire (i.e. - threaten them) if they refuse to sign the paperwork verifying that he passed the gifted testing for your choice application to another school.

Okay, I'm only writing this message based on what I've read, and may not have all the facts. Correct me if I'm wrong. You said that you're thinking of homeschooling and you also said:


Are you working? If so, how will you find the time to homeschool? What will your son do while you're working? How will you afford the costs associated with homeschooling?

I have to be honest: I want to make suggestions that could help you, but it's very hard for me to read through your messages. They tend go from idea to idea, and it's hard to see your main points. There are a lot of missing capitals (i am), text message abbreviations (b/c), and other things that get in the way of reading. When you write like this, people might not take you seriously. I'm not trying to be mean! I'm trying to HELP you be effective when you write to your son's school. And you MUST write to them. Talking isn't enough.

Could your son's teacher and principal be having the same problem when you write to them?

Here's what I'm thinking:

• For now, you're stuck with this school. Everyone here understands how terrible that can be. Your job is to try to make things less bad for your child. I suggest that you write down the MOST IMPORTANT problems your son is having at school and then discuss them with his teacher.
  
  Example: "DS was assessed as being ready for first grade in June 2012, but now he's having trouble with material for kindergarten. I think part of his problem is that he's being underchallenged and he's shutting down. I'm concerned for his mental health at this point and would like to work with you to help him."
• Stick to the main points. Don't go off onto related ideas.
• Make suggestions. Give them some ideas for solutions. Don't wait for them to make suggestions.
• If you want to write a draft of an email to the school, post it here and people can help you with it.