Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Broken gifted teen?

My niece is one of those gifted teens. She learns math courses with a week and can remember everything by memory. Almost like she is taking a picture. The girl when talking with her is more mature and intelligent than any adult you will ever meet. Her friends often were college students from science programs. In ninth grade, she took senior classes and tutored the students. She had the highest physics score for the whole school, and she was their youngest student. However, this girl has only had year months of school her entire life. She taught herself everything she knew through constant determination. She is a perfectionist and cares so much about what she does.

However, this girl went under. She can't rememeber anything. She won't leave the house out of fear. She is terribly depressed and angry. All she ever wanted to do is change the world, and now she can barely hold on. I've talked to her, and it seems to link back to her mother, but her mother appears amazingly caring, yet I agree that the mother has some serious issues. I've seen her when she acts like a sleeping idiot.

This is what the girl said.

Apparently, the mother can be emotionally eradict. She calls her names and emotionally abuses. Broke every promise to her. She hasn't seen people, besides her mother, really for three years and spend nearly all her time inside the house alone (this is true). Everytime she did make progress, something happened with the mom. And her pets, which were a huge part in her life (like really big), were taken away from her because the mom felt like it claiming that she did all the work (she didn't, any work she did was because she literally pushed the daughter out of the way to do it. It isn't the kids fault when that happens). During the isolation, the once active and outgoing girl died. She was desperate for something to do, so she started studying birds and collecting them. They were perfectly cared for and paid for by her, but bought on her own. It was just a desperate attempt to improve her reality, she was so desperate for something to do, and the animals sort of helped.

The mom said she could keep them then got rid of them when she wasn't at home for a doctor's appointment, breaking her promise. The girl seemed numbed to it, like she had become used it. One day, a small bird appeared. They had let one of the birds out. The mother screamed her head off for her to let it outside, but she knew she couldn't because it would die a painful, painful death. The species was nonnative. No one would take it and the mother beated her up with words left right and center. She followed her around the house. The girl couldn't hide it.

So, the girl killed it humanely by making then using a gas chamber. I think this really shook her up.

Now, she just seems dead on the inside. But the mother really does care. It is just she honestly doesn't claim to remember any of the things that happen, but the daughter does, yet she can't put it into words. She says that it is like pictures in her brain, and she remembers how they felt. She just can't explain it.

The mother is an airhead. Dumb as a sack of bricks in a way, but doesn't intially act like it. She has so many problems herself, yet she pawns the daughter around. Also, the mother totally believes in auroras, ghost, superstition, religion, etc and it is almost like the only thing she listens too.

Is there any book I can give her or any information about gifted kids? Would this be really damaging to someone like her? The mother makes it look like the daughter is just a bitch that she is desperately trying to save, but I actually talk to her.

I would say counseling, but the girl is afraid that the mother would used this as evidence that she is insane. She constantly tells people that the girl is (in a gossipy tone that acts caring, but kind of rude to say), and this would kind of boost it. The girl is also afraid the counselers would look at her like just some other bad teenager.

Wow.

This. Except...

The sad state of affairs is that the state has no authority to intervene unless the home environment presents a clear and present danger to the child. Otherwise, parents enjoy the legal right to screw up their children to the best of their abilities. What this means is, when you present the information to the authorities, you want to show how it endangers your niece. She has no legal right to happiness or emotional stability, but she does have a right to be safe from harm.

I have some knowledge in this area, as our family is currently being screened to become a foster home. We've completed all the necessary training.

From what you've said here, here are some aspects to look at to demonstrate danger:

- The mom's behavior towards the animals is illegal, and could be used to demonstrate potential for violence.
- The erratic behavior of the mom requires closer scrutiny, for any possible psychological problems that would indicate she's a danger to your niece.
- The child's emotional state should be more closely examined for clinical depression and possible suicidal thoughts. If you have any information that suggests she's contemplating suicide, you must act immediately to inform the authorities.

Hopefully, you can work with your local child protection agency to create a speedy intervention that results in your niece being removed from that environment, because from what you've said, it sounds like that's exactly what's required. In this case, your niece would need somewhere to live, preferably with a caring adult who understands her, with whom she already has an established bond... hint hint hint.

If that happens, be ready to have an emotional roller coaster on your hands.

That's one wild story. Your post is somewhat disjointed, and it's hard to tell what is based on your personal knowledge and what isn't. In any event I agree that if you're concerned about the well-being of your niece, and everything you've said is accurate, you should report the situation to the authorities. You need more eyes on this situation. Good luck.

First you need to figure out whether the local child protection agency is sane.

The one in my area isn't exactly sane or reasonable. And I say that having no personal involvement with any of it. This is only professional hearsay.

Some background here? how old is the girl? is she in school or just spends all her time at home? things don't add up here.

I am very confused too. She took advanced classes and tutored older kids in 9th grade ... yet has been kept at home for 3 years? I'm getting lost in the story.

slamina, are you really the "girl" you speak of and found your way to this site?
if you really are the aunt, and the girl really is so isolated, with the mom being erratic-- how do you know so much?
and how do you know what is truly going on ?
i am just wondering aloud.

of course how the mom is treating the girl is emotional abuse, but unfortunately i am not sure it is as easy to actually prove (in court i mean) also, how old is the girl?
it is still abuse if she is an adult, but if she's over 18 then she should get out!

are you in a position that you could invite her over to your home for a visit or possibly let her even stay, maybe if she is graduated, get her set up at a local college?
another thought is that this girl may indeed need some type of psychological workup--- not because she is insane as mom says, but because she may truly be depressed and in need of treatment, or some other type of psychological thing going on related to years of emotional abuse and isolation.

she sounds like a bright girl who cares about the world and nature, perhaps yo can think of a way to intervene....

goodluck to you