Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion How Do You Raise a Prodigy?

www.nytimes.com/2012/11/04/magazine/how-do-you-raise-a-prodigy.html

Stunned to see this in the NYT:
“There is no federal mandate for gifted education. But if we recognize the importance of special programs for students whose atypical brains encode less-accepted differences, we should extrapolate to create programs for those whose atypical brains encode remarkable abilities.”

Interesting article, thanks for posting that Dandy. A lot of what's in there rings true for me (even as the parent of a non-prodigy!) This, for me, is the core of the difficulty of parenting our children well:


and this the Charybdis to the Scylla of underchallenge:

Andrew Solomon who wrote that article has a book coming out very shortly, Far from the Tree - some early reviews here. Whoever reads that first should report on it!

The book looks interesting!

Excellently written article. I'm definitely going to order his book next payday. Here's the amazon link if anyone is interested - http://www.amazon.com/Far-From-Tree...778547&sr=8-1&keywords=far+from+the+tree

Half the prodigies I studied seemed to be under pressure to be even more astonishing than they naturally were, and the other half, to be more ordinary than their talents.

That sounds like it's probably true. It makes sense that might be true.

“A prodigy is a group enterprise.”, says the article.

Anyone's success is a group effort and too often like to forget about everybody that helped them when they succeed. I guess the tendancy for parents to say, "It was all her" confirms that delusion. (a thing priveledged people like to say).

Nonetheless, Natalie said, “that was my present to her: I gave her her own life.”

Beautifully said. That's what I have planned for my kids. I think that's the healthiest goal post as a parent.

Chloe explained that whereas her son’s American teachers gave him broad interpretive ideas to explore freely, his Chinese teacher taught measure by measure.

This makes sense to me. I wanted to believe in child-led learning, that kids would know what they need and then I read a statement that teachers teach children stuff. That blew that theory for me. Unless the whole world's wrong, which I guess they might be.

"In my experiences raising three extremely gifted boys who are not prodigies, much of becoming a prodigy requires finding the appropriate teacher/mentor to teach the advanced adult skills. There would be far more American prodigies if our universities had a system of mentorship designed specifically to work with children who might be interested in mathematics, or robotics, or medical research. I've met many gifted kids who are still looking for that professional adult who will take the child's gifts and interests seriously. It's very hit or miss.", said someone in the comments.

I have to agree with that. When the tiger mom article came out and everybody was harping on the pushiness I thought that was a complaint among the priveledged, Type A, accomplished, well off parenting. Barely middle class parents have less time or money for talent development, as well as different priorities out of necessity. I truely don't understand why pushiness is harped on as being the biggest failing our culture has towards advanced ability children. I call "B.S."

Also I plan to send that quote about all the genius (had to google, i never can spell that right), about all the genius and insane people being on the same continuim spectrum, I'm going to email that quote to any of the brilliant people I know right away. "Genius is a degenerative psychosis belonging to a group of insanity.. and neuroscience demonstrated that creativity and psychosis map simalarly in the brain."
La-la-la-lovely.

Here's the additional TMI that came out of trying to forward this to friends and family:

p.s. y'all
I'm not raising a prodigy.
I'm raising a well rounded smart kid.
They're both good and brilliant
but prodigies are for rich enough people to focus on one thing.
The kind of geniuses I'm raising will be burdened with multi-potentiality,
that is they'll have plenty of talent
but I haven't helped them throw themselves into a passion like the common parenting wisdom of today says to do with young kids,
"follow and nurture their interests, deeply."
I can see how that would cultivate depth, however we toil in the shallows. I have worked on the three R's, on the academic and study skills, on the "incremental vs. identity theory" that Carol Dweck says teaches a smart kid to take pride in taking risks and learning new things, instead of the dangerous pitfall that smart kids have in taking pride only in already knowing the answer which leads to risk aversion and imposter syndrome, stunted achievement, and stunted emotional development.

Maybe all this has to do with being the parent you are and raising the kid you have. Some parents seem worried about "stunting the depth" of their child. I think that's impossible and I worry about raising children who won't burn their own bridges, also about making sure they have appropriate support for success, which, for a "deeper child" is necessarily "more than their fair share".

I must admit that I brought some prejudice with me when first following the link to the article, given some of the drivel I've read in the NYT over the years, but I wasn't much into the first page before I realized how wrong my expectations were.

We've got one child who could likely pull off some Rach with just a modicum of effort (at least in my ever-so-slightly biased view), yet he is quite satisfied with his current level of playing.

His piano instructor says, "ohh -- he could do this, or he could do that!!!" and I've had to remind him that it would no longer be enjoyable for our son.

One of the mothers in the article said about her resident prodigy, “He’s not a normal child. Why should he have a normal childhood?” and I think this idea pops into my head from time to time... because it's just so tempting to see how far he can go.

But then I shake off the fantasy and concentrate on how to best provide some balance for this kid. I love listening to him play piano... but I also love listening to him play with his friends in the sandbox.

I really enjoyed that article, thanks for posting it. Where I live, there are no "elite" preschools/primary schools for which to fight. I see the most unecessary pressuring of kids into sports. I overheard a parent tsk-tsking an indoor soccer league recently because "select teams don't fraternize with club teams". These kids are SEVEN!

I do think so much is in the eye of the beholder. I'm sure there are parents who might think that advocating for tougher work at school is a form of tigerism (my new word btw). They don't understand that's where my ds is leading. Maybe the same way that I don't understand that their child is showing exceptional potentional in wrestling, per se.

I think the author sums it up nicely when he says it's all just a guess, really.

I liked the tone of the artical. Your mileage may very.

DS10 (Not a prodigy) is good at math and seems to enjoy it. I give him extra work outside of school, and somtimes feel guilty about it. l dont feel so bad after reading this, I do see it as my responsability to provide the tools he needs as best I can, including perserverance.

Loved this:


We really don't have the personalities to mentor prodigies here (using the word in the traditional sense--like a musical prodigy or a child with another splinter skill requiring extraordinary time, money, etc to nurture). We don't seem to have that sort, although I wondered if DS might be a bit of a chess prodigy for a while. He's dropped that interest for the moment, which is more than fine with me.

DD was recently solicited to audition for a professional play due to her involvement in a local theater program. The commitment required was insane (for one, she would have missed a LOT of school). I just...man, I couldn't see it for us. Sometimes I feel like I'm a jerk for not being more open to this. I guess I would be in some circumstances, but I have to be convinced that this one thing is REALLY important. My kids seem to be pretty well-rounded and have shown ability in a lot of areas, but not really extreme ability in any one thing.