Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion "my tummy hurts"

Every day this week... ds6 (first grade) has complained of a tummy ache and asking to stay home from school. He is fine! I spoke with his teacher this morning and told her of his "problem". She is going to keep an eye on him to see if she can find the root cause. I think its because he is bored. When I was out of work last year, he would come home from school and ask for his mathbooks. He has said school is way too easy.


Have you experienced this and what did you do about it?
Thanks
Sheila

It's definitely a red flag that says he hates school. The question is why. It could be anything from lack of appropriate education options, to problems with other kids, problems with the teacher, environment issues (class too loud, hot, etc). It could be something else, or it could be a combination of things.

You've talked to the teacher about it, but have you talked with your son?

I'm no expert, but it seems to me that tummy aches are usually a symptom of anxiety, not boredom. The sort of experience where lying in bed all morning sounds better than going to class. Bullying and other social issues between kids, or inappropriate academic or behavioral expectations from the teacher, come to mind.

Well, 'staying home from school' can mean a lot of different things to different kids. I guess the question then becomes-- what two alternatives is the child choosing between with this statement? Is the statement authentic on some level?

My daughter would do a lot to be allowed to curl up in comfy PJ's in her bed with a book all day and have mom or dad provide her with 'room service' consisting of only stuff she likes-- lying and manipulation would have been a no-brainer to achieve this particular outcome. At some points, I let her. I consider it a mental health day, and she can afford a few here and there.

Are you really sure he's physically fine? Not constipated, for example? What changed this week?

I was thinking along the same lines. Even though it may be related to anxiety...he really could be experiencing a stomach ache. I was notorious for anxiety-related 'tummy aches' as a child. Looking back, they really did hurt - I just didn't associate them with a feeling at the time.

Maybe you could try the "back door approach" with asking some questions about school...

Let's see:

DON'T attempt to have an information gathering conversation when he first gets home from school or is playing a video game/watching tv/etc.

Try to catch him when he is opening up naturally, maybe while having a snack or in the car? Maybe you could share a story of how you experienced school as a child and get him engaged in asking YOU some questions. You might see him project a lot of his feelings onto your story. Or you might find that he will less guardedly begin to discuss if there is an issue at school

There is always SOME issue at school to some extent. Sheesh, these little guys are trapped in a class with twenty-some odd other bouncing pinballs for 6 hours! Social hierachies develop quickly. School lunches stink. PE teachers are mean...

If he still complains about the stomach, you may see if his doc can at least rule out fixable/identifiable physical issues anyway.

Poor kiddo...it sounds like he's not happy with school.

When you do ask about his day, ask about lunch and recess. IME, unlike class, the teachers say they are keeping an eye but they really can't during "free" time and kids' true natures come out, good and bad. All of my DS' tummy aches (and a couple of nuclear melt downs) have been because of recess incidents.

DS is in 6th grade and I still ask with whom and what he played at recess. It's a really good barometer of his social struggles at school. He is only now developing a vocabulary for the social and emotional currents among his peers but he could always describe events well if asked specifically to access the right memories of the day.

Stomach aches can be a sign of something physically wrong beyond the flu or obvious illnesses. So it would likely be worth a trip to your pediatrician to rule out anything more serious.

Once it is ruled out - and if he continues to complain, then it is likely something is wrong with his environment at school. Maybe he's bored, or maybe he's being bullied. Perhaps something has changed with his teacher - scolding, pressure to perform, ... It could be a myriad of things,

My youngest got Yellow Bus Fever a lot (as in the symptoms went away when the bus did, too). His was early signs of anxiety and usually meant he was getting too pressured to master a skill or that something was going on that he didn't know how to resolve. It was rarely boredom. When he was bored, he said he was bored. It was when it was something he didn't know how to resolve that the stomach aches started,

Hope things are better for you both soon!