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What did you see that made you worried?


That's probably true; but a child with typically developing social skills can usually pick up the "school skills" (walk in line, don't talk in the hall, sit for circle) pretty quickly.


If he's catered to a lot at home, that can also be because he's effectively trained his caregivers. I'd recommend that you work against his behavioral rigidities by going against his preferences more often. Even something as simple as running out of his favorite snack. Or whatever it is that he resists; make sure it happens often enough that he learns that it's not a disaster to not get his way.

A preschool that will actively work on following instructions and going with the flow seems like a very important option for him.


I wouldn't rely solely on maturation-- I would seek to increase his compliance with instructions (even and especially in things that he actively doesn't want to do). I'd put him into situations that really stretch his abilities to cope and engage.


That was inappropriate.


I can see why school was a big change for him. But it's possible that just being with you, while you're working, he isn't getting the academic or social skills he's going to need.

At this point I wouldn't see it as a gifted/not-gifted issue, but more of a filling in missing skills issue.

HTH

DeeDee

I'm surprised to hear this from someone in education - sure many gifted kids are early readers, but some are not because of learning disabilities. Then there's exposure - not all gifted kids teach themselves how to read in lieu of parental help.


My kids both have awful printing/writing. DS8 still mixes his letter cases and writes some of them in reverse and DD9 is so sloppy... no spaces between words, etc.

Funny story: DD9 had copied math questions down from the board at school for homework. Of course she made a horrible mess and crammed them all together at the bottom of the sheet. She decided to erase them to write them more neatly, but neglected to write them down somewhere else first, so she forgot what they were. (Ha! So there. I've harped SO MANY TIMES about the importance of neat penmanship... maybe this time she'll learn).


Hmmm. LD, or behavioural? It can be so hard to tell. When testing and performance don't match, there's often something else going on, but what? When he doesn't want to participate, could it be due to boredom? Have you tried raising the difficulty level a bit to engage him? What about simple phonetic words?

Gifted kids can shut down when they're bored. It's one of the reason that inclusive, non-differentiated education can be problematic.


Aw, you just haven't learned how yet, that's all. Even the specialists had to start from zero at one point. Asking for opinions and advice from those who've been there is a good place to start

Several things jump out at me.

-It looks like you feel that the school/principal/teacher did not give your son a fair trial in K because they are offended at early entry and high test scores. This may be true. That is not a situation any kid should be in, and I would try to change it before trying school again, either by going elsewhere for K next year or by developing a good relationship with the school. Stay open to the idea that your impression may be mistaken, too.
(OTOH, I have zero advocacy experience, so I would be looking for lots of advice on how to do that in the coming months.)

-As others have said, a broader range of experience will help tremendously in the next year. You have great suggestions here. Kids aren't supposed to enter K knowing how to read or even necessarily the alphabet or how to write their names. Don't worry about this if he's getting plenty of quality time with an adult, playtime with other kids, and a chance to learn to follow a group. We really liked our preschool gymnastics class for this; they explicitly taught lining up, following directions, separating from parents, etc., and it only took an hour a week.

-Finally, I'm opposed to the use of flashcard drills in young children because they were used on me. My mom tried out some addition cards with me when I was too young to understand why (probably 5). I couldn't figure out why she was asking me *again* the answer to something I had just answered. I concluded that the point must be to recalculate each time from scratch. This made me slower and the decrease in speed made her worried, so we did more drills. To this day I don't trust my math facts recall and recalculate every time, never passed the stupid timed tests in elementary, and generally doubt myself on things I just remember without corroborating information. It's also the earliest and most vivid memory I have of trying to divine the motivation of the person interacting with me because they had ceased to make any sense.

Whatever the cause, it sounds like that K classroom this year would have been a bad fit. Make sure your son knows you don't blame him, and give him the experiences he will need to grow at whatever rate is right for him. It's hard to go wrong at this age if you follow the child.

(by which I mean his interests, level, and needs - learning he doesn't get his way all the time can be a way of following the child, if it's what he needs to learn next. )

Honestly, he's just turned 5 years old - of course he wants to play and doesn't want to work! I wouldn't worry for one minute about trying to drill knowledge into him at this point - gifted kids *seek* knowledge, but not necessarily in the traditional places we as parents think they should look. It's that natural curiosity that's the gift to nurture (jmo), rather than worrying about the nuts and bolts of letter sounds etc. When he's ready to learn to read, he'll learn to read. If he's not starting kindergarten until next year, there's a good chance he'll hit that spot where his natural curiosity takes him there before school starts. If not, he's still going to be ok.

If you are still worried about learning sounds etc I'd recommend something online like starfall (I don't know if they're still around, and I'm sure there are better apps out there too - it's been awhile since we had a beginning reader at our house!)... but something like that is going to be much more interesting than flashcards. But again - I'd skip it all together and just follow your ds' interest wherever it leads

I agree with DeeDee's reply - at this point, it's not a gifted/non-gifted issue that you need to focus on, it's filling in the missing skills surrounding separating, socialization etc.

Best wishes,

polarbear

This is just a total guess on my part, but I'm thinking it's just as likely that the brick wall you've hit are school district rules. Our school district is really adamant and really strict about early entry - they set a timeframe of two weeks past the birthdate deadline for late birthdate kids and early entry. The child has to undergo psych testing (which it sounds like your ds did too), and then they are technically on probation for a certain number of weeks while attending K to determine if they are mature enough to continue with K. My guess is that your ds didn't meet the in-school requirements and the school staff is simply operating based on the guidelines *they* have to follow combined with their experience as early-childhood educators.

I could be entirely wrong of course! But that's just my take on it, fwiw.

polarbear

thank you so much for addressing each topic like that. I really appreciate it. That very thing (running out of his favorite food) always seems like the end of the world. Every single night its a fight at dinner. I think you make a good point that it should happen more often so he learns to cope.

What made me worried about his social development was that he would always quit playing with other kids if he didn't get his way and cry. And he does try to manipulate people and his surroundings...the worst part is its not always overt so it can be hard to control.

You are right about it being a big change for him which is another reason I was angry he didn't get more time. He is smart enough to know "I don't HAVE to participate" so he got exactly what he wanted out of school. He dislikes anything that resembles work so he was rewarded by the school by being relieved of it.

Excellent comment on the phonetic words thing. The reason this whole thing came about to begin with is I was reading with his brother and he would spout off the next word or phrase. SO I sat down to read green eggs and ham to him...well he read it to me. He recognized the pattern and then the words. So it appeared that he was reading the whole thing because he does recognize words and he gets the concept and can predict what should come next. Even better than his older 7yr old brother does. So yes perhaps he is bored. Also I only started the flash cards because he watched a few phonics songs on youtube and so I figured I should support that.

thank you

I agree with DeeDee also. I guess the school made me feel like he SHOULD know those things. Honestly, he says some of the most profound things you could imagine out of a five year old but yep he prefers to play (who doesn't right I'd rather be at the mall than at work). He just doesn't want to be around kids his own age at all. I have been taking him to the gym with me everyday for about a month hoping he would interact and 9/10 times he plays alone perfectly happy while the other kids run all around him. Oh well I cant force him to play with other kids I guess he does it when he wants to. Makes me worry about next year though.

Yea that is exactly right. His scores were excellent and the psych evaluator said he talked it up the entire 90 minutes. He went on and on telling her everything she needed to know. She seemed to think he was very mature and when he is around adults he is....add 20 kids his own age and enter the discomfort zone. I don't think the teacher even spent 5 min with him one on one which is exactly what he needs to feel comfortable.

I admitted him so he could learn those things. He knew about 12-20 letters without being taught just not the sound they made. I also did it because his IQ was so high, and so he could learn to be around other kids. I agree though and like my grandfather said "its not like his IQ is going to drop before next year so why worry about it" So true, I guess there is plenty of time to work in this life and he always amazes me with knowledge.