Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy What "That Parent" looks like

Ai yi YI.


Okay, what? Is this a thing?

A thing?

Some students compare SAT scores to determine their inherent value as people.

One of my associates in high school was quite angry that I scored about 100 points above him.

I didn't really care about SAT scores or college at that point. They were just things that you did because you had to do them.

No, I do not remember comparing SAT scores. However, my husband, (to my chagrin, because I don't think it is appropriate to ask) did ask my PG SIL. The answer was 1600) I was actually curious too so I didn't give him too hard of a time about it!

Hmmm...I just remember comparing SAT scores in high school, shortly after getting them. Funny though, I think my dh remembers his score about 150 points higher than it really was (at least from MY memory). I don't have the heart to correct him.

I went to college with mostly ACT takers. I could've told them I got an 850 or a 1600 and they would've been none the wiser

What's "working memory" training? They were playing video games like luminosity instead of reading or studying? Did she learn nothing from Tiger Mom last year? We talked about this, you knew better. :P

Yes, I remember comparing them in HS right after we got them. But I don't think they ever came up in college. Maybe once or twice? I think it would have been considered very uncool to ask about that. I just couldn't figure out if this woman is insane, exaggerating wildly (and we are supposed to know that), or just ran with a weird crowd. Or maybe U Penn is very different from where I went to college. (U Penn is harder to get into than my alma mater, but not a lot harder. Different kind of place, though.)

I mean, my DH and I have compared scores, but I'm sure we knew each other for years before it came up.

I remember SAT scores being a major topic of conversation shortly after results were released. I also remember them being a subject many years later, when some friends were recruiting me to join Mensa, because it was useful to meet the admissions requirement. Otherwise, I don't recall it being a subject of any particular interest.

In secondary education, current grades mattered to people a whole lot more than anything that happened in high school.

I've watched a good writer friend get crucified for what started as an innocent post making an observation about her own biases. It was republished to Huffington Post, and the comments came so fast and furious at first, you could literally watch them grow in real time. She was devastated at first by those who misunderstood her motives and those who judged her and said horrid, nasty things about her. Essays for major pubs are usually in this breezy, pithy tone that gives them a certain worldly tone but often leads to an interpretation of callousness and shallowness that may or may not be true.

So, I really do feel for this parent who wrote honestly about her own issues and how they affected her child. And I guess my only question is why she finally felt like she was a bad mom. She never explains that. I wish she would have explained what she learned so the reader could carry away something more valuable than just being horrified for the kid's loss of privacy and the mom's depicted dysfunction.

I write about my kids, but it is always with their prior screening and approval. If they nix a post, it doesn't publish. Ever.

As to the perceptions themselves, I've had counselors accuse me of the same thing - of wanting my kid in gifted for the validation and ego. And I had one counselor who was just as horrified when I told her I wouldn't wish Giftedness someone's kid, because it came with a boatload of problems that most people never understood. Gifted signifies elite, special, better than, and I think that is where all of it goes wrong. Because then the opposite starts to happen - when one isn't "gifted", the tendency can be to tear down the value of that person with comments like, "they may be smart, but they can't even figure out how to...". It sets up a destructive us-versus-them dialogue that harms all sides.

Then again, this parent has already written one book addressing a controversial issue, so maybe this post was more about trolling for reaction for the sake of publicity. If so, it will likely be a successful marketing ploy.

I feel for her too. The story about SAT's being compared at Penn was eye-opening for me. But...

The author is responsible for her control over that tone. In this case, it goes way too far into realm of "Ha ha, look how neurotic I am, but it's all okay because I'm confessing to it!" (I blame Anne Lamott for this particulary noxious trend.)

Here's where I think the writer does not get a pass: She coached her kid intensively for an IQ test. She gamed the system. But this is not one of the things that gets a self-mocking "How stupid am I?" from the writer. It's pretty clear at the end of the article that she feels relieved and vindicated that her kid is labeled "gifted," and that she believes the tester who tells her that her kid is very smart.

Absolutely no self-insight here, which is supposed to be one of the hallmarks of this genre of breezy writing.

You couldn't possibly look foolish for having such feelings, in my opinion. Angst over academic performance and IQ must be worse than normal for parents who have one child who significantly underperforms another. Maybe that's how it will be for me-- my second son had a significant expressive language delay and is developing quite differently from my first.

I usually think of these issues as arising due to parent competitiveness with other parents, or from wanting one's children to have opportunities or successful outcomes. In the linked story, though, I found the opening particularly poignant ("I want my daughter... to think she’s one of the smart kids") even if it is partly motivated by performance concerns. Everyone wants their children to have a positive self-concept.

ETA: ... but I also agree with MegMeg.