Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Ugh... I guess the teacher DOESN'T get it!

So, I had a meeting a while back with DS8's two main teachers (one teaches math&science, the other English & social studies.) They both appeared to understand everything I was trying to get across in regards to DS's needs/strengths/weaknesses, but I guess the English/social studies teacher (let's call her Ms B) didn't fully "get it." The class has been working on a fairly big project for basically the whole six weeks, called a 'Country in a Box.' The kids selected their countries (DS selected Thailand, because my husband and I went there this past year) and I guess were given some instruction/time to work on it in class. Apparently they were also given instruction on work to do at home regarding this. But, as you might imagine, a child with PDD-NOS & ADHD is in no position to manage a project of this scale on his own. When I met with the teachers I told Ms B that if he was expected to do anything at home, *I* needed to be informed and given the instructions.

Well, I find out this morning from DS that they're having a party or something today... I poke and prod him with question and lo and behold, at some point earlier in this week he was given a permission slip for me to sign that says his project is due TODAY! And there is a big party all morning while the kids present their boxes. Of course DS has apparently NOTHING done on this box because I guess he was supposed to be doing this at home all this time? ARG! I am so angry at his teacher and sad for him. He gets to spend all morning in a Kindergarten class while his classmates do their presentations and have their party. It's so incredibly unfair, IMO.

I emailed his teacher a note this morning asking for another conference. Unfortunately the lady who's responsible for getting the ARD stuff together so we can meet and discuss an IEP or 504 (I am really going to push for an IEP now) has said they will be 'evaluating' him until the end of the month and then I guess we'll go from there. I am very stressed and irritated at the moment... I tried pushing to get started on the ARD process a month before school even started! And, as freaking usual, here we are 2 full 6 weeks into school and we still haven't had an ARD meeting, and DS has been left to fall on his face on a major project! Thankfully he's got straight 100's on everything else for the 6-weeks, so even if she gives him a 0 he should have a 90% for the 6-weeks.

*sigh* Okay, thank you for letting me vent... My plan at the moment is to buy DS a daily planner (his last school gave them out to everyone and made using it part of the curriculum) and make sure the teachers are aware he has it, and have him write down all his assignments and due dates, and have the teachers maybe sign off on it each day. That way I'll have something I can look over every day and know what on earth is happening in class!

Leave a paper/email trail documenting everything that's been discussed and agreed to from this point on. Ms. B's behavior is atrocious-- your son should never have been stuck in a kindergarten class.

Well, the party thing is happening today, and he's the one who said he had to go to the K class during it.. I can't say I can trust DS's information 100%!!! All I do know is that he likely won't get to participate in the party.

Wait, nothing came home to you regarding this assignment?? No reminders or emails or anything telling you what needed to be done? That seems like a total failure on the teacher's part, regardless of special needs. My DD has to do a lot of large projects and while communication isn't always stellar, I certainly am notified that they are due and what is due. Would your son have lost or misplaced reminders of this sort?

Document your concerns - all of them. And if you're not sure if your son is giving you completely accurate info, it is still how the experience is affecting him and therefore valid. Just couch those sentences in phrases like "he has said" "he mentioned" etc.

I dealt with similar problems one year with a teacher who was convinced that "natural consequences - which were far too often not natural but punitive and manufactured by her" would cure my son of the aspects of his disabilities she found annoying. It was a tough year.

I would point out that the consequence was punitive and ostracized him in front of his peers by insinuating that he was too immature and underdeveloped by being forced to spend the morning with children in Kindergarten. Express concern about the failure to provide adequate notification to you as the parent; whether your child has LD's or not, kids this age forget to give papers to parents - and a major project that requires work at home should have started with requiring a signed note about the scope of the project and the due dates. Then the teacher would have known well in advance that you were not aware and could reach out in time to rectify the situation.

I let my kids crash and burn when it was appropriate - when they made little or no effort on a project, when they chose to resist help being offered, etc. But this doesn't sound like one of those times.

And as awful as it has been, at least you now have a perfect example to point to when you start asking for modifications and supports.

Doesn't the teacher have a website where assignments are displayed? If not, can you ask her to keep parents up-to-date with regular email blasts? I send home weekly updates to my parents on paper, by email, and I post them on my classroom website. Any 8-year-old, even one without a disability, is going to lose papers once in a while. The teacher needs to cover all the bases. I would politely ask her to do this -- even just an occasional email so parents know about assignments would help -- and maybe mention to the principal how helpful it would be if teachers at the school kept websites.
That being said, if you have a child with a learning disability you're going to have to stay on top of things, whether or not his teachers have good communication skills. Email the teacher or send in notes a few times a week to ask if there are any assignment due dates or field trips coming up. Your son is not going to be able to navigate school without your help. It can't all be the teacher's responsibility.

An Update!

He was not sent to the K class! He was allowed to stay and enjoy his class-mates presentations, and is going to do his presentation (we worked on his box this weekend) today. I'm not sure yet if or how much he'll be marked off for not having it Friday, but it appears the teacher handled it all very well! (Not sure it that was partly due to my email or not!) We have a meeting planned for Friday, at any rate. I am going to see if I can get both teachers on board to review/sign off on a daily planner for him.

Sign offs are standard procedure for plenty of kids NOT on an IEP, but most have the rule that the kid has to remember to ask for it. Since mine never remembered, this didn't work all that well unless the teacher was willing to provide a verbal prompt for my son to being the planner up to be checked.

Oh, and yay for the teacher coming through!