Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion how do you explain the events of 9/11

Frannie and EJ have been asking non stop what happened on 9/11. I have explained that some bad people killed a lot of people. I have not told them about the airplanes flying into the buildings. I do not want them to have a fear of flying as all my family lives1500 miles away. I know this isn't enough for my fact finding son. I did not know anyone that lost a life but I do know one of the air traffic controllers that lost a plane

What have you told your kids?

Thanks
Sheila

As usual, we erred on the side of full disclosure for DD-then6. She has flown several times, and we explained to her that all those annoying security checks (she became a real pro at the security line, to the amusement of those around her) were put in place after 9/11 to prevent that sort of thing from happening again.

Naturally, we kept our lack of faith in the process to ourselves, so I guess this is a different value for "full" in full disclosure.

In our case, we probably needn't have worried, because DD didn't identify with the situation... to her, this was something that happened long, long ago, to people she'd never heard of, in places she'd never been.

At the time it happened, youngest DS was 3 and not paying much attention. Eldest DS though was 8 and plenty aware. It's never easy as a parent to know how much to explain and what is wise to hold back on until a later time.

I think at this point truth might be the best policy...oh, not necessarily all the details mind you, however, the truth of the matter is pretty simple at this point and doesn't need to be related in a complex manner. Keep it simple and truthful, something like....

"There was a group of people over seas that decided it wanted to make a point in a very heartless and violent way. They tricked people, stole planes while in the air, and crashed them into some very important buildings. A lot of people died that day. Our country was very sad, shocked, and it changed the way we as a country view our responsibility to protect ourselves from such a threat. Since that time the government has put a lot of security measures in place to help ensure such an event doesn't happen again."

If you kids inquire further, explain about airport security, Air Marshals, hunting down such people no matter where in the world they are, etc.

It's okay for kids to know that not everyone in the world is safe, it's important in fact. It's also important to let them know that many things are being done to help ensure such an event doesn't happen again.

It hasn't come up with DS3. I think the first time I had an in-depth discussion on the events of 9/11 with DS7 was when he was four, and he came in the room when a documentary was on. I let him watch with me, and he saw quite a bit, including the planes hitting the buildings, people falling from the World Trade Center, etc. We discussed what had happened, who had caused the events and why, and the nature of terrorism in general.

In my experience, children are usually as curious about topics related to death as they are about all things. I don't see a reason to shy away from a discussion of terrorism with a child who's interested, as long as it doesn't seem to be doing harm.

Here in the United States we seem to have a general aversion to discussing death, but in my personal opinion that's unhealthy. It's better for a child to have a natural introduction to thinking about death and dying, so that it's not such a shocking, terrible event when it occurs.

We talked about it with DS maybe 2 years ago? I think they had discussed it in his Kinder classroom. We told him basically what happened, and explained that soldiers went to war to make sure it didn't happen again (his uncle was in Iraq at that time) and that we setup more security at the airport, yada yada yada. I kept my personal opinions out of it, basically, and assured him that we were safe now.

We started discussing 9/11 this spring because of Memorial Day and a parade we attended to welcome home troops from mid-east conflicts. DS does not have serious anxiety issues, so he digested the information pretty well.

We have had to deal with violence and death on a firsthand basis. The pastor of our church was murdered in the middle of service by a mentally ill gunman (we were not present). We lost my ds' baby brother when ds was 3, and our best friends lost their 6 year-old several years ago. He talks about death so easily, I always have to warn his teachers.

I clearly remember my mom discussing a shooting at McDonalds when I was pretty young ,and how some kids survived by playing dead. She also really impressed upon me what it was like when Kennedy was assassinated. I suppose it's a balance - I was a very anxious kid who maybe saw too much (Tv, movies, real life) too early. But I appreciate the sense of history I learned from her reflections on important events of our past.

How to explain it to a child depends a bit on the child, but for the most part I've found that with my kids the things I'm think will be scary to them are usually not the things that truly worry them. Another important thing to keep in mind is that your children may be talking about it at school - in detail, if not in class they may hear about it from friends. If my children were asking for more info, I'd give it to them - I'd for sure tell them about the airplanes flying into the buildings because they *are* going to hear about that.

FWIW mine have known about the airplanes etc from the time they were in first grade, possibly earlier. They've all happily climbed on airplanes many many times since then and don't have second thoughts about it - the act of terrorists several years ago is far removed in their minds from flying to see cousins or on a fun trip.

Best wishes,

polarbear

I am finding again and again that it's worth getting out in front of the world on this stuff. If I've briefed my kids, they have facts and a way of coping. If they hear something at school or camp, they have whatever their peers or teachers gave them, and possibly not enough information to devise their own coping strategies without my help.

We found that discussion of 9/11 started in kindergarten in our elementary school. Didn't leave me much time to get out in front, but I have since learned to.

DeeDee

ETA: And I do try to give enough facts that what others say can be slotted into my story. I do tell about the airplanes, much in the manner of OldDad above in this thread.

True as far as it goes, but at some point children should learn that 9/11 was part of a jihad, and what the word "jihad" means.
Our politically correct schools are unlikely to do so.

When I was growing up an event I remember was the Soviet Union invading Afghanistan in 1979. "Bad people invading" is not a false description of that event, but a parent would need to talk about the Cold War to put the invasion in context. 9/11 also needs to be put in context.

I had not discussed this with my very sensitive DD because I knew it would be the cause of much sadness and anxiety. They then did quite a lot about it in school last year (grade 2). I wished I had "gotten out ahead," as said above. It was a long time before she went to sleep that night.

Mr. Rogers talks about "looking for the helpers." This has been great advice for us. Look for the heroes, and draw your children's attention to them, when dealing with such a dark and sad subject.

Interestingly, DD brings up 9/11 when we are around tall buildings and skyscrapers, not when we are in airplanes.


This is such a YMMV thing. I would never allow DD to see this in a million years. She would be incredibly distraught by it. I am sure you know your child, but I would not recommend that most children see such footage. Images are hard to erase once seen. (I myself have been careful to avoid the "bodies falling" images. I know it happened. I don't need to see it.)