Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Remind me that this is why we skipped...

So dd11 skipped 6th and is in 7th. She generally seems to be adjusting well, and until Tuesday her lowest grade on anything was a 95. Then she got the first social studies quiz on forms of government back (not the subject I imagined her having trouble with). She got a 60! Yikes! I know she studied, dh and I both discussed the information with her and it seemed like she knew it...but just not well enough. My mom is freaking out and using this as evidence that we ruined her life by skipping her.

I think it actually shows that the kid had no idea how to study and it is a good thing she will be required to. She can choose to redo one assessment during the 9 week period. She was upset of course, but I don't think she is scarred!

It is hard to discuss this with my (very involved) mother because she takes our choices for dd as a criticism of how she handled my education. Dd is usually smiling when she comes home and seems happy at school so we continue to feel the skip was the right choice.

I am new, so I have no advice, but my sympathies to you for dealing with a mother who questions your choices so much.

It's hard enough making tough choices for the well-being of your child without a judging audience. Try to realize her over-involvement is her issue, and that you do not need to take all her criticism to heart. You made the skip for the right reasons, and one bad grade does not a bad decision make.

That sounds like a little slice of heaven, honestly. You don't want her getting to college with these kinks un-ironed.

I see far too many kids (high school/college) who have not learned:

1) to be challenged
2) to study
3) to be gracious receivers of "average" (they want to argue and give excused why it was everyone else's fault that they didn't do an "a" job.

My advice is to keep mum about your dd's schoolwork to your mom. She can't criticize what she doesn't know .

Tell your mom that I lived it, and you are absolutely correct.

(Or maybe Evemomma is right: and avoid the topic... )

As an adult looking back at my own useless, sucky education I would have given anything if my parents had skipped me so that I could have been challenged and learned study skills when I was young. My mom and dad didn't know any better - I always had the top marks in my grade so they assumed everything was fine. In high school I still managed to stay on the honor roll until the last half of grade 12, without ever doing homework or having any study skills. Had I gone to university I would have been toast.

This is precisely why I keep DS8 in French Immersion even though he has a language processing disorder (tell your mom that, lol ;p ) Nah, she'll think I'm crazy ;p

Anyway... listen to your instincts, and remember this is kind of uncharted territory for the uninitiated. They have no frame of reference from which to understand. Your mom just means well, but IMHO you're the one who's right this time.

Exactly! My mom thinks that this will negatively affect her self-esteem (IMO self-esteem comes from putting in effort and then reaching your goals, and sitting in class for a year learning absolutely nothing new and having to put forth no effort is what is detrimental to healthy self-esteem.)

Honestly--I was a little bit shocked at how unprepared she was to actually study. They have a map quiz on the Middle East tomorrow. She did not know how to approach memorizing countries and their capitols. Seriously. There were tears. (Thankfully she found a website that is helpful and now knows them.) This is precisely why I wanted her to skip. I know from experience that going to college with those kinks un-ironed is not a pretty sight.

Me again (this topic is near and dear to my heart)

DD9 was an early reader, very fluent in language from a young age.

For grade 4 she was in a 4/5 French Immersion split consisting mostly of 5's. She was the second youngest in the class and many kids were 2 years older. She's in the gifted math program (was complaining that the grade 5 math was too easy and she wanted to do grade 6) ...anyway.

Her French Dictee (spelling) marks S.U.C.K.E.D. (50-60%?) so I made her study. She managed to bring them up to the 80% range by the end of the year.

It was awesome. (happy sigh)

Take it from me, good self-esteem in an adolescent PG daughter does NOT NOT NOT come from 'perfect' scores.

It comes from hard work, proportionally rewarded. You can't get that "proportionally" part of things without making things a reach.

My DD is far, far prouder of her A- grades (honors math coursework) than any of the A+ ones in science and social studies. Some parents might be more worried about dinging her 'perfect' transcripts. I'm more worried about her developing a resilient and authentic sense of self-worth.



Don't go down the road of "perfect." That train stops at some very unpleasant places, including anxiety, affective/eating disorders, and ultimately even task-avoidant perfectionism and underachievement.

This is why you skipped!

Happiest day of my life in DD's academic career was the day that she beamed from ear to ear after earning a B+ in second-semester Geometry. Truly. That felt awesome to her precisely because she had to battle back from a disastrous first midterm, on which she earned a humiliating 67%.

Thank you! I lived it too--but I can't exactly come right out with it so bluntly.

My mom does mean well. She still thinks (or I guess is trying to justify it) that she did the right thing by not wanting to put pressure on us and put us with the "wierd" gifted kids who had no time for fun. She says she never had to crack a book until college, but she has great memories of school and had a wonderful childhood and was happy to be social and not study. She has no hint of executive function issues so somehow managed a challenging course of study in college. I don't get it, but whatever--that wasn't my experience, and it certainly wouldn't be dd's. This is a kid who said she thought it would be a punishment to do work that is too easy.

Anyway--thanks for the validation. Hopefully it was enough of a wake-up call to her that it won't repeat. Although she was painting posters for her Harry Potter birthday party (in November) last night instead of studying when I got home from church with the younger two.

Oh--and French immersion I think is the thing that saved my (German)dh when he was 10. It was hugely beneficial to him. (Aside from the obvious benefit of learning the language).

Can you talk to my mom? lol! You were more eloquent than I was, but that is exactly what I was trying to tell her. I had to bold the parts I esp. liked. Thank you! (and happy for your dd she got to experience that sense of accomplishment!)