Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Sarcastic remarks about my son

I am sure that many of you with gifted children have probably received remarks that seem sarcastic, passive agressive and seem to stem from jealousy in reference to your chld/children.

I am bringing this up because I have a son who is 2 years and 9 months and already reading at about a 7 year old level. He also taught himself sign language and loves to spell words to people everywhere we go.

This does not always get a positive reaction. He goes to a community center a few hours a week where he plays with other children and loves his teacher there. However, there is a woman who is part of the staff that has been acting very nasty towards my son. She is aware of his abilities and has children of her own. She is very competitive in nature and has stated that she doesn't like anyone doing better than her.

When I drop off my son and we are waiting in the lounge while I sign him in she always tries to talk to him but he wants nothing to do with her. He ignores her and won't even look at her but he'll talk to everyone else. Obviously there is something about her he does not care for.

The last time I dropped my son off and she tried talking to him, he ignored her as he always does and she said to him "ok you don't have to answer me, I bet you can spell the answer huh can't you" he continud to ignore her. I was shocked that she was making these sarcastic passive aggressive remarks to a 2 year old. I wondered if I should say anything or not.

Later that same day I was disgussing possible education plans for my son with the daycare teacher and we mentioned Montessori schools as a possiblity. This same woman interrupted our conversation and jumped in front of me to talk to the teacher without even acknowleging I was in the middle of a conversation. She then goes on to start saying negative things about Montessori schools. This behavior seems very petty and I believe it all stems from jealousy over my sons gift.

I have ignored her so far and my son ignores her as well. I'm sorry this post is so long. If you read all of this, how would you deal with this situation. Should I say anything about her behavior or just continue to ignore her?

We've dealt with this sort of thing for some time with a woman who works at our daycare facility, although not as extreme as what you're going through. If someone jumped in front of me and interrupted my conversation, I'd call her on it on the spot. I'd also say something immediately to her if she addressed my son that way, and follow up with someone in charge. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this.

I don't think I'd be comfortable leaving my child in that person's care. In your shoes, I'd have a word with the supervisor/director ASAP.

DeeDee

Thanks for your response Iucounu. I can see where you are coming from about saying something to this woman, quite honestly, I just felt like it was better to ignore her. She is the one acting like a child with no manners who has not been taught how to say excuse me. I didn't want to get down on her level. My sons teacher ignored her as well and she left probably feeling embarassed. I really didn't know what to say to her..I was surprised by how ridiculous she was acting.

She made that comment to my son and he ignored her, it didn't seem to hurt him any, and it showed that obviously she has a problem with him spelling at the level he is. I really get so tired of people like that projecting their feelings of inferiority and inadequacy on me and my child. Ignoring it is usually how I deal with it, unless I felt that he was in danger, and then I would definitely say something. All of this is just plain frusterating. She should be focused on finding her own kids gifts and developing them.

I find myself concerned about how she speaks to or otherwise treats your son while you aren't present, especially given the difference in how your son interacts with her versus other staff. If she has the audacity to speak that way to him in your presence, I cannot imagine what she may be saying when you aren't there. He's so young (and even if he wasn't) that I cannot imagine enduring what might be termed hostile treatment, at best, is helpful.

Enough said. Just something for you to consider.

DeeDee, this woman is not the one that watches my son when he's there. She teaches some classes and leaves her 4 year old at the daycare there while she works. She does come in the classroom at times and this is how she knows he is gifted. It's a community center and childcare is just one of the services offered there.

Mom2277 I see what you are saying. I am very concerned and maybe I just shouldnt take him there anymore. I didn't want to run away from this because seeing how he is gifted, I figure I will be dealing with this for many years.

If you have other options, I wouldn't take him back. And I would tell the director why. If she is that inappropriate in front of you, I cannot imagine what she says to other children when adults aren't present.

I see what you are saying ABQMom, I will not be leaving him there anymore. He really loves his teacher there, but I am not confident that she will protect him from this. He will be back in full time daycare at a different center in the fall anyway. I work in schools and have the summer off so I only take him here in the summer just to give me a little break once a week. I just get so tired of this kind of crap.

I think some adults are not used to having a young kid around that can follow their conversations. They are used to talking about 2,3 and 4 year old kids like they are not there. My son was two when he came home during the first week of PreK and asked "why did my teachers say lawyer's kids always the most argumentative in the class?".
Apparently he'd overheard the teacher and aide talking about him. He had and continues to have a tendency to question the reason behind rules and make suggestions on ways rules can be improved.
He knew they were talking about him, he knew what argumentative meant but I had to explain why they thought that was a negative trait.

Didn't read the other responses but wanted to share what my sister, a teachers' trainer, tells her teachers "sticks and stones can break your bones but words can break your soul." while your son is intellectually far superior than his age mates, emotionally he is still a 2.5 year old. He may not fully understand jealousy and sarcasm and may take some of the things this woman says literally. I would remove your child from a situation where he has to interact with this woman and/or let the woman know that her behavior is unacceptable.

If she is staff and is being sarcastic and verbally inappropriate with a child in the center's care, the director needs to know about it NOW. In writing, with specific examples.

She sounds immature and certainly needs to know when to shut it. I do think you should let the director know what was going on even if you don't come back.

Playing devil's advocate here. You say your son had ignored her many times when she greeted him. This will tend to annoy adults, who will see this as a sign of disrespect. Shy kids and kids with ASD struggle with this and are often misinterpreted as rude, oppositional and passive aggressive. He may still be still be too little to understand, but eventually he needs to know how shutting down will impact how others see him. ESPECIALLY adults with chips on their shoulders.

Personally, I wouldn't pull out my kid because of one adult who happens to pop in from time to time... because honestly, where will you find an environment without one awful adult? If he gets along well with his teacher and his peers, that's more important to me.

I would, however, register a formal complaint with the director, and ask that this woman be kept away from my child.

I'd speak to the director and make liberal use of the words, "I beg your pardon?" and "What do you mean?" when speaking with her.

Thanks everyone for all of your responses. I talked to my sons teacher at the center this morning about the rude woman. It was a bit awkward because this woman is also her friend. She tried to stay real neutral on the issue, but said with my son being gifted some jealous reactions are to be expected.

His teacher advised me to try and talk with this woman directly and resolve the issue, or take it to her superior.

I am not going to bother talking to this woman directly, I think she will be offended or act phony and I don't think any progress will be made. She seems quite immature.

I am going to send an email to the director regarding the issue of this womans inappropriate behavior. I am going to let her know this is why I do not want to bring my son up to the center anymore.

Are you kidding?!? Some jealousy is to be expected? She is a grown woman. She is being paid to care for children with some modicum of professionalism.

Wow. Just wow,

I know..I agree, her behavior is very unprofessional. I think she is acting like a middle school girl and should be embarrassed. I'm done with it though. I don't need that place. I guess I better get use to this lonely world I'm in with Isaiah. People act ridiculous and its very upsetting. Thinking about it makes me feel sick.

No, I don't think you have to get used to being lonely. Our experience has been that lots of people are kind and get it. Some won't. You don't have to take the nasty ones as defining.

DeeDee

Jealous behavior is NOT to be expected. It is unprofessional, rude and disrespectful. Yes, we all get the remarks, but it is NEVER an appropriate remark or to be EXPECTED.

That is like saying something to a mother of a child with a learning disorder "Well, teasing is to be expected"

It happens, yes, We should never expect it nor condone it.

My son attends a gifted preschool and still is head and shoulders above the other kids academically. No one has EVER treated him disrespectfully.

Please never settle for being lonely, there are people out There who will accept you and your son. I found moms with advanced little
Ones by contacting the lady who is the director of our schools district gifted Parent group. I figured if people had gifted school age kids ,they might have advanced little ones too. We all got together and started a play group.

i am a little confused about this and i am thinking some folks may be confusing day care/preschool with drop in community center care. i am going to state my assumptions please correct me.
This women who has offended is teaching classes at a community center and drops her kid into the same care group as your son when she is teaching a class, right?
She is not a day care teacher, right?
your interface is when your kids are in the same group, right?
so why not change the time you have your kid there to be opposite of her classes. or put you kid in a different group (older?)
why should you give up what seems like a great community center because of one woman.
and it seems like you are more affected by this woman than your son is.
It also seems some of the comments from folks here are based on the assumption that she is a professional day care or preschool worker and is being unprofessional based on that.
what kind of classes does she teach at the community center?
have you asked your son why he will not say hi to her? maybe it is a strange reason, she smells differnt or the pitch of her voice gives him a headache. His perceptions may not be the same as yours.
as far as expecting behavior that is unpleasant. I have found expecting it to be protective. I expect it to happen sometimes. I dont let it ruin my expeience of a place and i assign the problem to the one doing it, not to everyone else of that place. sometime i tolerate it. sometimes i call people on it. It depends on what the situation is worth and how it will affect my kid in the long run. sometimes i let it go because its just not worth the drama to confront it and doing so wont improve things for anyone involved. but sometimes it is important to empower my dd to stick up for herself. it varies.
but if you leave the community center, she wins, and you son may not even have any awareness of this lady since he ignores her. the teacher ignored the woman too. that should tell you something. what is your evidence that they are friends? would she ignore her friend when a 2 yo disses her? or would she intervene to help her save face.
I may be totally off here, but there could be a different interpretation to all this.

I agree that jealous behavior should not be tolerated. I have received quite a bit of this from other moms, not just this woman, so I am have accepted its just how some people are. I honestly am on the fence about whether to bring him back again. I don't feel comfortable. I notified the woman's supervisor in an email of her inappropriate behavior so I will see what she says back.

g2mom I will try to answer all of your questions here. Yes it is a community center that I take my son to once or twice a week in the summer. I have summers off because I work in schools. During the school year he attends full-time daycare elsewhere so he will be done there in a few weeks anyway.

The woman who has offended teaches parenting classes at the community center and drops her daughter before working. she also helps out with the daycare such as making meals, helping out in the classrooms at times etc. She is not his teacher but there are times he may be left alone with her if she is overlooking his class when the teacher steps out. It's all one big team effort there.

Her daughter is 4 and in the preschool room, my son is in the infant/toddler room. No matter what time I drop my son she is likely to be there. I may be more bothered by this woman than my son, but I have noticed a big difference in how he responds to her since she has began acting this way which concerns me. She use to be really nice and as soon as she saw him spelling words her behavior took a 180. If she is acting like that in front of me, making those sarcastic remarks and being rude, I wonder how she acts when I'm not around.

I asked my son why he does not say hi to her and he says "no" or that he doesn't like her. He talks to all of the other adults there so it seems he is picking up something he doesn't care for from her.

I don't want her behavior to ruin my experience of the place but I feel like I have ignored it long enough and by not saying anything I am allowing more of it. I don't appreciate her rudely cutting me off to talk down the school I was looking at for my son, or sarcastically saying "oh don't answer I bet you can spell the answer right" and things of that nature. It seems like she has a jealousy issue.

I couldn't imagine pressuring her 4 year old daughter to speak to me and then making a sarcastic remark like that when she didn't respond.

Truthfully I am very scared for my son and feel like he will be targeted for being mistreated. I never know how far people will take feelings of jealousy but he is so young and I find it unsettling that someone would even make remarks like that to a 2 year old especially with the tone she used. She obviously isn't happy about him spelling.

I spoke to his teacher and she told me that her and the woman are friends, and she does not think she would do anything to my son, but that feelings of jealousy are to be expected when a child is gifted. My son loves his teacher there so I really have mixed feelings about all of this.

FEELINGS of jealous may be something to be expected or at least frequently encountered when a child is gifted. I would contend that those feelings do not give permission for engaging in inappropriate or harmful BEHAVIOR towards a child or otherwisemake such behavior in any way excusable or tolerable.

I'll add a little explanation about my initial advice. Here is where I am coming from: at the age of 2, your child is not yet able to verbalize his observations about what the environment is like when you are not present. I've worked in both a daycare and a preschool, and I've seen professional caregivers lose it and yell and scream. Whether this is a community center, a private preschool or an in-home babysitter, I would not leave my young child unattended in a setting where it was not required by law with someone who concerned me enough to be weighing the options. It isn't worth it.

There will always be people who don't get your kid, who are intimidated or jealous by the apparent intelligence, but whether they are wildly enthusiastic about embracing your child's unique gifts isn't the concern here, it is that a woman in subtly and not so subtly undermining a child's value with her comments. That isn't acceptable in any setting, much less one that is established for an enriching experience for children.

I've worked with my kids to learn to cope with rude teachers who were unfair. But when they crossed the line to diminishing our child, we got involved - whether our child was 7 or 17.

I don't think this is something you need to be overly worried about happening in other situations. My son has never been treated the way you describe. When he was in preschool and was "cheating" by reading the answers to questions that no one else could read, the teachers were overjoyed about it, not jealous.

IMHO, jealousy from an adult is not a common reaction to exceptionally bright kids, nor is belittling or harassing toddler for being advanced. I actually find that quite baffling. I don't think it's "to be expected" because nearly everyone has more common sense than to be jealous of a toddler.

It sounds like the preschool teacher isn't willing to take a stand against her friend. That means you havea choice to either stop taking him there, since he won't have a protector from that woman, or talk to someone higher up. Since it seems like you use the class often, you should probably escalate to a higher-up.

I agree with syoblrig, this is not a common or normal reaction. My DS has always been similarly conspicuous, but we've never encountered any such reaction. (Clumsy reactions, yes; malicious, no.) Don't let this colour your expectations. I hope you never encounter anyone else who behaves like this!

Yep....I think what is more common is for adults who get annoyed that we are "bragging" about our kids' abilities - even if all we're doing is discussing an achievement the way a parent would say, "My son learned to ride a 2-wheeler today!".

I learned to keep my ds' precocious learning achievements to myself....which stinks, btw because I AM proud of him.

Anyway, not saying this is what happened in your case, just my own experience with an early reader /mathematician.

I guess I will be in a minority given all the other comments ... but I wouldn't be taking my child out. I wasn't there so don't know what kind of voice the woman used and all ... but to me it certainly doesn't sound malicious ... I take it as a JOKE. One that I could see myself making over a friend's child or even over my own. I was a gifted child and had to listen to a lot of stuff I wasn't happy with but this thing is not one that would make me hurt or upset in any way.

I WOULD however look more into WHY your son is ignoring her and what has been going on aside from this little incident because kids don't just shut out other people for no reason ... at least most of them don't. If I found out there was a reason to be worried then yes, I would be looking for other options, especially since you don't have to have your child in and this is just an enrichment activity.

I disagree. Though this behavior is unacceptable, under certain conditions this reaction is both common and normal. The necessary conditions are where a parent overly identifies with their child, seeking value and validation through them. "My children are super-awesome, therefore, I am super-awesome!" We've all met people like that. A child who stands out from this person's children in some way is seen as a threat to their own self-image.

In other words, the adult is making it all about themselves, and not about the children. This is a common refrain when children are being victimized by adults in some way.

These parents are usually the hyper-involved parents, too, because they're so busy building up their children in an effort to build themselves up. So they're frequently the soccer coach, the troop leader, the PTA president, and yes, the community center volunteer.

OT slightly--but NYT article in Sunday's magazine addresses this well.

Dude, I think that you are absolutely right here about this woman. I actually sat in on a couple of her parenting classes and she had stated, because we were talking about schools and what motivated us to do well, that she did well in school because she didn't want anyone doing better than her. She is a competitive person who I believe is defining her accomplishments now by how well her children are doing. It probably bothers her seeing my 2 years old read and spell at a more advanced level than her 4 year old. I really hate all of this, and wish people would just stop comparing their children to others. Her daughter is a sweet little girl and could care less if a child a couple years younger is doing what my son is. Our kids are what they are, we love them no matter what, and the bottom line here is that the kids don't care. They are busy playing and being children. These reactions are all coming from adults.

I agree with you. I worked with 2-year-olds in a preschool and I always thought the most advanced children were a real treat to work with. It was fun getting to teach a 2-year-old to subtract or do other things the rest of the class wasn't ready for. They always had their obvious weak areas to balance them out anyway so there was real no reason for anyone to be jealous of those kids even if he wanted to be.

I also worked with a woman who could have made the comment the OP's son's teacher made. She was just immature and would say things to all of the kids like that at times. It bothered me a lot but I never saw it upset any of the kids.

I don't think you should automatically read jealousy into everyone's actions. I also wonder if the teacher's coworker was just agreeing with your general comments about people being jealous to pacify you, but not actually agreeing that the other teacher was acting out of jealousy.

MotherofToddler, I agree that 2 year olds that are advanced are a treat to work with but also have their weaknesses. I see this in my son who is so advanced in the language area and counts really high but has problems socializing with his peers. He is outgoing with adults but has a real challenge connecting with his peers. I am working with him on that. He definitely is not balanced. Everyone has weaknesses and strengths and children who are prodigies generally are off balance. There is no reson for jealousy from anyone who is educated about this. I don't think many peope are aware of the weaknesses and just assume these kids have it made.

I think the coworker of the woman making the comments didn't want to be in the middle of it or go against her friends. She admitted that some people are jealous probably because its true that some people are and its out of ignorance. Some of the reactions I get from people may not be jealousy and I'd hope its not, but when people completely change how they were acting before the realized your child was gifted, it makes you wonder.

I can sympathize with your situation and my following comments aren't meant to make it sound just or fair, however, please realize in the years to come this type of treatment won't completely cease until your son is often around people that are his intellectual peers on a regular basis. While it's early, teaching your GT child how to deal with such people from an early age is a wise idea. Explaining jealousy, people getting defensive / attacking / aggressive to make themselves feel superior, etc. Kids feel less impact when they understand the reasoning for other people's behavior. We often can't control other people's behavior, often all we can control is how we deal with it.

Thanks Old Dad for letting me know this is something I will be dealing with for quite awhile until he is around his intellectual peers. I guess I better get charged up and ready for it.

Here is an update. The womans supervisor responded and said she is very sorry that I had to deal with this. She said she knows this employee and she can often act without thinking and she doesnt think she meant any harm by it.

I took my son up to he community center today to spend time with his teacher there. I talked to the woman and she said she didn't mean to come across that way. She can understand me wanting to protect him because she is the same way with her kids. She also said she thinks my son is amazing and would never do anything to hurt him. I want to belive her. I think she has great kids to and I don't want to have any of this drama.

I don't know whether she is honest or not but at any rate I feel a little dumb, and like maybe I shouldn't have blown this whole thing out of proportion. I am in overprotective mode because of all of the negative reactions I have been getting from other parents about my son. An example would be "oh he's doing that spelling thing again, rolling their eyes and walking away. Some of them have immitated him doing the sign language and then made a mockery out of it. I've even got comments such as "oh so he's a genius, better hope he's not like powder, I'd keep him away from your television set it might blow up". I'm sure its a joke but still...This whole gifted thing is new to me and I guess I don't feel up o the challenge so I'm freaking out.

People refer to him as number and letters boy. I guess all of this makes me uncomfortable. I have tried to cover up his gift but I realize I have to get over that. It's obvious that all of this is bothering me a lot more than my son.

He is going to continue to go to the center until he starts full time daycare in the fall. I feel glad that I brought attention to how I have been feeling, but think I went over board. Oh well, whats done is done.

If this 2yo is hanging out with other 2yos and having difficulties, they're mostly because these other 2yos are not really his peers. Let him hang out with some 5yos and see how it works out before labeling this as a problem.

I'm not a fan of the general idea that gifted children must necessarily have some glaring weakness. It's a negative stereotype that causes people to overly scrutinize these kids and inflate their flaws, perceived or imagined.

Your son sounds incredibly advanced. So was mine. And I'm just mystified why you're getting so many strange and negative comments about your son. I have never heard those kinds of comments and would be shocked if I did. Who are these people?!! If you don't have to associate with them, I would certainly dropped them as "friends" immediately.

Dude, you may be right that it is a negative sterotype but I really believe in balance. I think that generally when someone is really advanced in one area, it only makes sense that they are lacking in another. Maybe not necessarily because he does really light up when he is around older children or adults and has an intellectual match. He is very social then, laughs a lot and it quite outgoing. I think you make a good point that other 2 year olds really are not his peers.

Syoblrig, I think these comments are shocking. Sadly one of them came from my brother and it is probably a joke. I don't think most people would do anything to harm him. The other comments have came from women at a mom to mom group I attend where our children are there as well. Most of the moms are wonderful and never say anything of the sort but a couple have.

Aside from this I just get the looks in waiting rooms or grocery stores when he's going down the isles saying his abc's forwards and backwards while doing them in sign language.

I think maybe I need to just start blocking things out and not caring. I am oversensitive to everything; my son is as well. If he sees a sad face he runs down the hall crying saying he doesnt like that.

You'll probably find this to be true for many years. My 18 yr. old DS I'm convinced will someday marry an older woman for that very reason. He still usually finds people at least a couple of years older to be more his peer group.

i'm glad you were able to assert your concerns and felt heard (at least somewhat).

I'll myself that I'm just furthering this discussion in general: Along with helping our kids to understand how they "fit", I believe that helping your kids to embrace humility as opposed to elitism will go quite far in curtailing a lot of negative reactions. With my ds entering K, we've been discussing how his skills may differ from others, and he needs to be confident but not boastful.

I philosophized and waxed poetic about this, asking, "should we change the world for our children or change our children to fit the world?". 
us & ours & some others change things wherever they go if they stay somewhere too long.  A class, a group, an organization, anything you stay in too long you're going to have an effect on just because of how you are.  They call that Intensity.  
So the question remains, change the world to fit our kids, or change the kids to fit the world? Either way these kids will change their world.  I don't mean discover cures or land on the moon (maybe so anyway).  I mean they will change their environment to suit their needs one way or another, eventually, for better or worse.  It is what it is.  

So, always speak up- for the general principle.  But kids are resilient and they'll squeak or squawk or puke or wilt to Let you know.  

Friends, family and neighbors say different things than I would.  I had to decide that the Whole World has more to offer a person than just I alone do. That's ok, because the world is extraordinary and I want my kid in it with both feet.  It's still ok to speak your mind.  If you didn't give that woman a piece of your mind it would have been stuck there.

That's just prose though. I've never left my kids anywhere besides a few times at grandmas for a few hours. I do have stuff get stuck in my head unless I say it though. Sometimes I don't say it and it literally does get stuck there.

La Texican, I agree with you about the intensity. I think the intensity of gifted children really touches peoples lives and they are remembered. This is why I did not want to pull my son out of the center. I want him to be able to deal with the world and I am going to do my best to prepare him for that. Running away from this situation is not the example I wanted to set for him. He will deal with challenges but also has a chance to help make changes and bring awareness to the needs of gifted children. I am glad that you posted this. Having our gifted children go out and deal with the world instead of sheltering them is probably best.

This woman is bad news and the other kids and some staff will pick up on those vibes and then your child may become "tainted" by this woman's nastiness.

I see that you will pull your son. That's great.

I would also consider putting up a review on yelp as well.


Kids are helpless until they are young adults and have been carefully conditioned to the real world and armored with emotional defenses. A suitably prepared child would grow under such a woman and probably turn the tables and befriend her. BUT. Not until their early teens.

There are two worlds - one filled with love and support, and the other filled with vicious people like this woman. Leaving a sensitive child with a woman like this is like leaving a great dane puppy with a pit bull. Unless you are willing to go alpha wolf momma on this woman and put her in her place by making her fear your shadow, then you should move.

Austin, I have already dealt with this woman. I spoke with her supervisor as well as the woman who was offensive. She denied meaning to come across that way but I belive she is being fake.

She actually seems to be trying hard to be nice now, maybe she is worried about her job. Either way I didn't want to just leave without at least bringing attention to her behavior. I think after bringing this to her attention it shook her supervisor up too.

You really think I should not let my son go there and play with his teacher that he really likes for the next few weeks? After that he is going back to his other full-time daycare anyway.

Isaiah09 - trust your gut. It might be right to pull him, it might be right to keep him there. I agree that their is less danger due to the short term nature of this situation.

I can think of one situation where I 'used my words' to let someone know that I was unhappy with the way she was treating me. She changed instantly, and has been friendly ever since. Some people are just frozen in their fear, and thaw nicely after I firmly set a limit.

((shrugs and more shrugs))
Grinity

Grinity, I feel like if I will be switching daycare's and schools all the time if I run away every time some ignorant person acts funny or makes a snide remark about how my son is. My main concern is his safety, however, I really am not sure what the best decision here is. I don't think anyone can be sure, so all I can do is follow my gut, pray and hope all goes well.

I'm going to hope that there really aren't that many people who continually make these kinds of comments in front of you and your son. Although I haven't really encountered this type of behavior to the extent you have, I have felt responsibility to get my kiddo in better educational environments. The main point I wanted to convey to my son is that if he expresses concerns about a situation that is not a good fit (in our case, he wasn't learning new stuff), then he could count on his parents to help him out to get him in a better situation. Since we intervened in his educational settings early on, my son has been more comfortable with school decisions we've made later, including switching schools a couple times to find a better fit. I know your situation is a little different, since you're dealing with childcare and someone who is not your child's teacher, but he's still in a less than ideal setting, so just mentioning my story for comparison's sake.

Your son is still quite young, and it sounds like the woman's comments didn't have much effect on him. It's hard to know at that age. I guess even at that age I might have a conversation with my kiddo to let him know that his parents don't always agree with what other adults say.

You know your kiddo best, and you know your community best. Just my 2 cents.

st pauli girl, I try to be a nagging and hovering parent as much as possible so that his childcare providers no that he has someone looking out for him. Unfortunately I can't watch him all the time. I hope I do not continue to get comments like this either. I'm just going to take it one day at a time and try to make decisions that are best for him. It is a real challenge raising a gifted child. His pediatrician says he is profoundly gifted, this is not a brag. I am feeling happy that he is so smart but scared that I am not equipped to give him what he needs. One minute he is talking like he is 40 and then the next he is being highly dramatic. He has frequent outbursts and is very sensitive to everything. He also has major sensory issues. It is exhausting taking care of him. I wish people that made comments like this woman knew what I was going through at home. I wouldn't change having him for anything in the world, but most people dont understand how hard it is raising gifted kids.

It takes time to develop that Mom-gut. And regrets are valuable experience. Once you know your child better, and how much of an impact this sort of thing makes, you'll have a more confident feeling. We can give you our own gut-reports, but each of us has a different kid, and different set of pros and cons. It is helpful to know what the 'electron cloud of possibilities' that gut-reports might possibly say to a certain point. It's also helpful to put your concern out and have it taken seriously. We care. But in the end you have to make your best guess. Please don't be too hard on yourself because you are still new at this. Have faith that you will develop in time. I also am still hoping that for this individual, all she needs is a firm boundary and some warmth to snap out of herself.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Thanks Grinity I will try and stop beating myself up.

Yippee! It's not easy to kick the habit.

Yes, please don't beat yourself up about this. I didn't mean to say you were doing anything wrong. I post my experiences as something to consider, take it all with a grain of salt. There are so many different factors in each decision parents make, and every family is different. You know your kid, I don't. And I can so relate to the need for some time alone-- I remember that age being incredibly exhausting!! It sounds like you have the situation well monitored. I'm sorry if I seemed to be judging.