Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Taking up music again as an adult

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304868004577375774238901672.html
By DIANE COLE
Wall Street Journal
July 15, 2012

Many a man or woman upon reaching a certain age will splurge on a Ferrari, trade in city life for a new start as a country squire or wed a trophy spouse. My gift to myself was getting back to middle C.

Nine years ago, at age 50, I signed up for piano lessons. Again. I first began playing when I was 8. From then on, music—from Bach to Broadway to the Beatles—filled my days. But as I passed from young adulthood into my 30s and 40s, the only keyboard I found myself using regularly was the one connected to my computer. In my dreams, I still cherished the fantasy of jamming with my two favorite "Arts"—Rubinstein and Tatum. But the reality was, my fingers were rusty.

Then, a couple of years after my husband's death, a music-loving friend had an intuition: returning to the ivories, she said, would be just the thing to help my sagging spirit sing. Call her son's piano teacher, she insisted; you won't regret it.

In Need of a Guide

The very suggestion reminded me of how much I missed playing regularly, from the simple joy of learning a new melody to the physical sensation of letting my fingers scale up and down the keyboard. As a schoolgirl, I had loved to bang out the musical accompaniment to the rock, pop and folk hits of the moment as my friends sang along. The piano had provided solace, too: The bass vibrations had resonated through my entire being, consoling me after my mother's too-early death. Sweetest of all, the tinkly upper notes had tantalized my infant son from the get-go, and as a toddler he reveled in plunking along on his own toy piano.

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As someone who never got far in classical music, I wonder sometimes why we pay for piano lessons for our children, nag them to practice, and spend time ferrying them around. It's not "practical". This story reminds me of the importance of exposing children to things that they can enjoy for a lifetime.

There is nothing I regret more than giving up playing an instrument because my music class conflicted with an AP class that I thought would look better on my transcript for college. I was never a superstar at music, but it was genuinely fun and a release from all the pressures of life. Sometimes the best things in life are not practical, but they are exactly what we need.

I really concur with the author quoted in the article.

This echoes my own experiences, though I never really "quit" music early, by any means. I played occasionally even into college, though working full time while majoring in science left me exactly zero time to play in an ensemble, and then I had a spouse (the beta version) that hated me playing, so I didn't... I still have my instrument-- the one that my parents bought on installment payments when I was an awkward 10 year old. It's in need of a re-pad, but honestly... for being almost forty years old, it's in remarkable condition, and for not having played more than two hours in the last twenty years, my own skills aren't so shabby, either. I can still belt out the fight song from pep band and a few solos from Sousa and Vaughan Williams. Honestly, though, I have little interest in playing other than as a duet partner for DD, who plays the piano. I liked playing the flute and piccolo, of course, and practiced pretty hard. I was good enough that I was encouraged to pursue it in college... but didn't. It's just that it was never my obsession, musically-speaking. No, that is the violin. My public school had no strings program, so as much as I longed to play the violin, it just wasn't in the cards for me.

My (current) spouse recently bought me the birthday gift of my dreams; a violin. I always said that I'd take it up after DD went off to college. As a reward when I had time to do it, I mean. Well, first I said that I'd do it when I graduated from college. Then grad school. Then once I got tenure... then once DD was in school (well, shoot-- she didn't "go" to school)... so I think that my spouse made a pretty good decision here. I oooooohed and ahhhhhed over a particular (used) specimen while purchasing concert tickets before my birthday, and he went back and bought it, much to my astonishment. LOL.

Well, I have realized something. Well, a lot of somethings, actually. But I realized that completely aside from the obvious fulfillment of my own dreams, there are some very sound reasons to do this.

1. My child NEEDS to see that I'm not perfect at everything that I try/do. She desperately needs to witness just what "applying one's self" really looks like in a HG+ person, and see the results. Yes, I've got a fair amount of musical ability naturally... but... that's no substitute for determined effort and sustained practice, either. Nor is success instantaneous.

2. Raising a 2e child and having to give up my own professional aspirations to do it has been pretty demoralizing to me as a person. I would never have bought this violin for myself-- why? Because I didn't honestly think that I could justify it. That's wrong and it's not a good example for my child, and it's not a healthy outlook on my own behalf, either. This isn't a Stradivarius or Guarneri, after all, and my interest IS serious.

3. Life is too short. Really, this sounds cheesy, I know-- but it's true. Deferring all of my wish-list to "later" is courts the risk of turning those opportunities into sad regrets instead. Some things need to be about "this is important to me and I'm just going to DO IT."

Oh, and for my fans... just a few weeks, thanks, and yes, I have a teacher lined up (but need to arrange a regular lesson time) and I'm borderline-competent in pretty much one key in first position. We're talking Twinkle-twinkle and London Bridge, here. I'm very happy with all of that. Paganini I'm not, but... maybe someday I can play Bartok and Sarasate.

Yes, too-- utterly impractical and perhaps even frivolous-- but exactly what I need. So what if this takes an hour or so a day away from my duties as wife and mother? Maybe it's good for the other people in my life to get the message that I am worth it. Heck-- maybe it's good for ME to get that message, too. KWIM?

The only involvement with music I had growing up was choral, where you can successfully avoid learning any actual music concepts, because a good ear will do. I finally took up the guitar about 8 months ago, and apart from the instrument itself, I actually had to learn music[1].

Fast forward 8 months of steady practice, and while I'm certainly not going to be putting on a concert anytime soon, I've gained a lot of skill, which is making it a lot more fun. I'm playing music in more than just first position, improvising my own melodies and chord progressions in a few different keys, accidentally discovering parts of songs and sometimes learning the rest, etc. All without a teacher.

So...

1) You don't necessarily need to push a child to practice a musical instrument in order for them to find enjoyment in it later in life.
2) You don't necessarily need to arrange for formal lessons in order to find enjoyment in an instrument later in life.

Though I will say I benefited from access to DD's guitar teacher, who was able to point me in the right direction for where/how to get started.



[1] Well, technically, you can achieve a certain competency in guitar without learning very much at all about music, because tabs and power chords. I chose not to. Besides, I originally got into it to help DD.

I got to do Piano for about 2 years only as a kid due to financial constraints. I have decided to join my 2 oldest boys at violin lessons. I am hoping to be able to start by January the latest, if not earlier. and I cannot wait. Like HK I want my boys to see me practicing, making mistakes and working on something. I want them to see me enjoying something simply because I can!

And I have fallen in love with this instrument while watching my boys start to learn about it. HK - best of luck! It's so very exciting indeed!