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Hi all! I'm here with my annual call for opinions on school options! Ha!

So, this year we pulled ds8 (almost 9) out of his Montessori school for good. It was a decent fit for and served its purpose for a while, but the Montessori approach is no longer working for ds. He needs more teacher directions and structure. As you know, structure and routine can be good for the ADHD issues but the kiss of death for gifted, so I'm really struggling to make a decsion.

Background: no longer able to tolerate stimulant meds for ADHD, so he will not have the benefit of medication next school year (4th grade). He's a little behind in math (actually just slow in math, but he gets the concepts) and way behind in writing. Not sure if it's a learning disability (he does have slow processing speed and poor working memory) or lack of practice. Standardized testing shows he's on or above grade level, but the work he produces does not reflect this.

The Montessori School didn't really know how to deal with his resistance to writing, so they "accommodated" by using dictation or allowing him to provide answers orally. In first and second grade, he could write better than he did in 3rd. He had a very green, inexperienced teacher this year with little support from administration.

So, basically at this point, we have two options that I am seriously considering:

1. Public Charter School-private school feel, ability grouping for reading, mixed grouping for math, cooperative learning approach-students do group assignments and projects, each student having his/her job/responsibility. The groups change, as do their jobs depending on the schedule. Good fine arts program, great technology, strict, no more than 17 students per class. Free-no tuition.

2. Small private school-about 15-20 students in the entire school. DS9 would be in a "class" with two other students, both of whom are 10yo going into 6th grade. All other students are 8th grade or older. DS would be the youngest student at the school. Lots of one-on-one instruction and small group lessons. He will be included in middle and high school lessons when appropriate. Definitely more out of the box type of education. Would be sold on this option if ds had more same-age, typical peers here. Many of his best friends out of school are 10+, so those kiddos aren't really too old for him. He just won't have many options for social interaction. $9000/year

Is social interaction that important at school? I don't know. Is the one-on-one a major deciding factor? Maybe. Is it time for him to learn to function in a less sheltered environment. I think it would be easier to do that in elementary school. I certainly wouldn't take that chance at 6th grade. Option #2 is a likely choice for middle school for ds unless he goes to the public charter school and excels.

Thanks for any suggestions or thoughts you might have. I'm really nervous about making this decision. DS is very emotional and easily frustrated. I'm afraid he'll get bullied or have trouble with other kids at the public school, but I don't want to let my fear keep him from experiencing life and the "real-world".

Hmmm. If it were me, I would lean toward Option 1, simply because there are too few kids in Option 2. This is purely anecdotal, obviously, but I've heard from more than one parent of GT kids who had their kids in very small schools about the troubles when you have a kid who doesn't quite fit in. The friends pair off, and you may be odd man out if you don't happen to easily make friends. Or if you're transferring, it may be hard to join a group.

Also, I like free in any situation when you don't know if it will work!

I personally would be very hesitant to put a kid who was truly struggling to produce grade-level material with similar-aged kids working two grades up. Particularly in a class with two similar-aged kids working two grades up - in a group of 3, you have a high likelihood that two of the kids will bond and exclude the third, and "we're working on the same classwork" is a huge bond.

My DD9 is probably capable of producing 6th grade classwork in a one-on-one tutoring situation, and would probably love it. I'd be hesitant to put her in that school, just because the dynamic of 3 is so bad.

I'm with the others. I'd be hesitant to go with the private school b/c it sounds like he might not be up to producing work at the level he'd need to feel like he fit in academically with the other kids. We've had this same struggle with out HG ADD child. She gets concepts beautifully and has the ability in some ways to work well ahead, but her 2e-ness prevents that from fully happening.

We did have luck, however, with getting her to perform more on par with her potential by going for subject acceleration in one subject, math, in 5th, which she has gotten more and more successful at maintaining after two years of that type of acceleration.

The only worry I'd have with the charter you mention is the word "strict." My dd11 is attending a middle school that is very structured and which would not have worked for my HG+ non-ADD child, but I don't think that I'd call it "strict." It may be semantics, but we do have two charters local to me that are frequently referred to as strict and that often tends to mean "rigid" in relation to those schools.

I totally sympathize with your comment about needing the structure for the ADD but not for the giftedness. We've had that too. Dd11 was highly frustrated with the drill approach particularly in language arts in 6th grade. It helped with her weaknesses (structure, attention to detail) but was mind numbing for her strengths (depth, abstract thinking).

Do you have a feel as to whether the charter's strictness carries over into their curriculum approach or if it is just in terms of their discipline/not letting kids get away with stuff?

My main social concern is that ds will not connect with either of these students. My ds is very outgoing, never met a stranger, and really enjoys being with other kids. The other two have more social issues than my ds. One is described as shy, and the other, which we've met and socialized with, is a little "quirkier". I saw a lot of parallel play during our play date (why do I hate that phrase?), and ds kept coming to me not knowing what to do to engage the boy. He's a sweet kid, probably profoundly gifted, more globally than my son. My ds is highly gifted in certain areas and struggles in others.

Now, that's not to say my son is great socially either. But, his challenges are more related to his ADHD (impulsiveness, interrupting, blurting out answers, emotional overreactions). These things aren't out of control, but they occur often enough to be noticeable to typical peers.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Alexsmom. Given that the other two students are more alike in age, grade level, and personality, it stands to reason they would pair off. Something to think about for sure.

Thanks Cricket.

I don't think they are strict in that they are too rigid or harsh. They have definite rules that they expect the students to follow, but their curriculum approach is very team oriented with lots of cooperative learning opportunities. They have a great conflict resolution program as well as a program to teach executive function skills. They focus on working cooperatively towards a common goal vs competing individually.

My friends' kiddos who go there love it. That's a total of 9 kids from KG to 5th grade. One friends' child is very much like my son, but she holds it together at school and lets loose at home (so not sure if I can compare them exactly). She loves the school and doesn't see it as strict.

I am mostly comparing our Montessori discipline approach (which was basically non-existent); it was all about "my friend, is this peaceful? Why don't you hold on to this peace rock and see if you feel better." ; ) So, compared to that, a more traditional program is going to be what we'd consider "strict". In comparison to our private school option, I'm sure it will be stricter, simply because of the number of students (17 vs 3).

Finding that balance of structure and gifted learning approach is very difficult. Add in the social issues, and it's near impossible. I think we might just have to take a leap of faith here, and hope for the best.

Oh, and I forgot to add that at the private school, while ds would be included with the new 6th graders for some subjects, his core classes would be individual. One other red flag is that the private school wants to use an online virtual school or online curriculum to make sure they're not missing any skill areas. They are trying to piece together and "develop" a curriculum, as they don't already have an established curriculum for my son's age/grade level.

The other school (public charter) was originally developed to teach students with learning disabilities. They soon discovered that all students benefited from their approach, and it grew from there. They've been open for quite a few years and have a great reputation.

I've just heard for so long how complicated and challenging my child is to teach (mostly b/c of his seriously asynchronous development) that I find it hard to wrap my brain around the possibility that he'll succeed in a traditional program. We'll never now unless we try, and I suppose I can't protect him forever. : (

From Nov to end of school year my DS8 (3rd grade) was enrolled in a similiar small private school. 6 students total grades 2-9. He was the only 3rd grader. He is not returning for 4th grade. There are dynamics in a small environment that work for some and not for others. My DS is high energy. The other students were not. The director (main teacher) did not know how to reign that type of energy in.
Also being that he was 8 he did not have the study skills & discipline of a middle schooler (which is where the directors experience was).

If I were you I would probably try the charter first. Socialization is not the main reason we send our kids to school but it's important for their overall development.They need a place where they feel safe and where they feel part of something.

Good luck -- we still don't know what we are doing next school year, DS has testing (IQ, achievement & 2E screening) next week and then we will make our decision.

I think your description of the Montessori school to be hilarious! "my friend, is this peaceful? Why don't you hold on to this peace rock and see if you feel better."
We were in a full-on Montessori for 2 years and left for those reasons. It works for some kids and not for others.

Ha! When we first enrolled our son in the Montessori school we said, "ok, we might give this a shot, but we're not drinking the kool-aid." I recall a parent meeting that was "called to order" with the singing of "The More We Get Together, Together, Together...." There were no children in sight. My husband said quite loudly, "Oh, you've got to be kidding me," and I got a case of the giggles that I couldn't get rid of the entire meeting.

Before we could enroll, one of us (me!) had to attend a parent workshop. I had to sit and spoon beans into a bowl for about 15 minutes straight. I get why that might be a good skill for a child to work on, but a verbal explanation would have sufficed. One dad stood up and said, "Oh, this is ridiculous;" answered his cell phone, and left. Yep, that was another day I couldn't stop laughing.

Not a jab at Montessori. It definitely works for some, and it did, in fact, work for ds for a while. He has just reached the point, with his 2e issues, that it wasn't for him. He needs more structure and direction. Other students thrive in that environment; I wish my son was one of them! ; )

That is really funny! That is exactly how we felt. We could not "drink the kool aid," and we ultimately left. It did work for some but it did not work for my older boy. For my younger boy, the Montessori people were genuinely shocked that we pulled him out since they felt he was the "perfect" montessori child.
Our souvenir was that he had horrible handwriting since they never practiced that. I had him do both volumes of Handwriting Without Tears for 6 months, and it pulled his handwriting together.
They had wanted my then first grader to stay in their preK-K room for first grade to "learn more" about Montessori, which we didn't agree with and ultimately we left at the end of the year.
The only satisfying thing for us was that our friend's daughter (who got moved through the program) did not qualify with high enough scores for our G/T program on the OLSAT and my son did.

FWIW, the "strict" environment that you've described is an astonishingly insightful description of my (late) mother's elementary classroom environment for decades.

Yes, she was a public school teacher, and she generally had between 4 and 10 ADD/ADHD children placed-- by request-- in her classroom at any one time.

Those kids and their parents wound up giving her about a 90% approval rating, and her room was easily the quietest and most "calming" of any in the school. It amazed other teachers, even.

I mention that because sometimes that lower level of stimulation really works for ADD issues, and rather than feeling rigid or harsh, it can wind up feeling really empowering to all of the kids, regardless of ability.

My only concern in that environment would be whether or not such a teacher has a good sense of empathy for HG+ learners and divergent thinking. If so, then it could be nearly ideal.

If not, then it could feel like slow suffocation. My mom was a lot of terrific things as an educator, but sensitive to GT needs she was NOT. She was a terrific teacher for ADD kids who were otherwise typical in terms of grade-level readiness, and even better for those who were struggling as a result of an additional learning challenge...

but HG+ kids found her bafflingly inflexible and intractible, and I strongly suspect that she felt likewise about them.

Such an attitude about gifted kids is likely to be pretty obvious upon brief conversation with teachers-- is there any way that you could chat with the teaching team?

We're in the same boat with the handwriting. What a disaster. We even resorted to OT to deal with the handwriting issues. While the OT helped with other issues, it didn't translate to the handwriting. Our handwriting without tears books should be arriving today. I'm hoping it will help. We're going to work on it over the summer. My only concern is that I bought the cursive book, and I just heard that the charter school doesn't push cursive at all. His printing is pretty horrid as well, so maybe I should order the print book too. What do you think?

Hmmm, I will have to see about that. I wish I knew which teacher he would have, but they haven't told me yet. I will be advocating for ds to attend the gifted program if he does go to the charter school, although I don't know much about it. I do know it meets one full day per week (every Friday), and the students who go love it. At least I'll have a gifted teacher at the school who hopefully understands the issues faced by gifted students in the regular classroom.

I feel like I'm a bit in the dark. I'm wondering if I can request a meeting over the summer to address all of this. DS will be testing next week for updated achievement testing and cognitive ability (IQ) assessment. We're hoping to also identify any specific learning disabilities. I don't want to have to wait once school begins to have that done. I'm hoping if I can provide the test results/info over the summer, I can get a meeting.

Just got a call from the private school, and they are so wonderful. If we choose their school, ds will get all the one-on-one he needs. Because he has significant attention issues and some learning gaps, this is a big positive for him.

The administrator/owner has experience with my son, as he's spent some time at their school back when he was homeschooled (for enrichment) and more recently for trial-run days, and she thinks he got along with everyone really well, even the older kids. She isn't concerned about the social component at all and thinks he'll thrive in their environment.

I asked about the ages of all the students: ds9, 2 10-year-olds (going in to 6th), 3 to 4 12yo, 2 13yo, and then the rest are high school, age 15+.

Their first high school graduate (school was started when she was in early elementary school) is going to Smith College, so not bad!

I just read some recent parent reviews about the charter school saying how it used to be such a great school, but it's become so rigid. One parent described it as "too smart/organized for their own good," and another said, "some policies are twisted and unjustified" and said they carry out their policies only when they feel like it or when it suits their agenda.

Of course, there are other parents who say they love it, and responded to the other reviews with, "I guess it's what you make it."

I'm so torn. I hate being indecisive! The private school will be the least stressful decision for me, but I want to make the best decision for ds; he's the one who has to live it.

Thanks for helping me sort it all out, you guys. I really appreciate your input and welcome any further thoughts you might have. ; )