Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Sex Ed

I have a grade skipped DD in 5th who even for her age seems to be a bit behind the sexual knowledge of her age peers, much less her classmates who are one year older. It's that time of year for sex ed in our school district and am not so sure she is either ready or needs to hear all that info yet. However, both she and I are concerned about making her appear different than her classmates if I opt her out of curriculum. I did go and preview the curriculum so could prep her a bit ahead of time, just once again not so sure that all of it is age appropriate for her. How do most of you handle this?

What's in the curriculum? A lot of curriculums these days are very restricted in what they cover. Quite honestly, though, this would be the least of my worries about skipping. But I'm very liberal about access to this information. (DD has known the facts of life since age 3, which is when she asked.)

I don't mind her learning about puberty for the girls, but am concerned about her learning about boys and their bodily changes during puberty. She hasn't inquired about this info so needless to say, I haven't provided her info about boys. She is just starting to ask about her own puberty changes. There are also several references to being old enough to make babies which is true, just not sure I like the way it is presented. Mon, I do like your way of presenting that most kids aren't even thinking about these issues, but they teach kids now as they don't have opportunities always later. That is how I approached the gang, drug, and alcohol instruction. This really wasn't an issue for my DS as he took it all in with his scientific mind, DD just seems to be such a different personality.

I think the age criterion is not when most youngsters are sexually active but when puberty starts, and there is a trend for that to happen at an earlier age, as discussed in a recent NYT story
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/01/magazine/puberty-before-age-10-a-new-normal.html .

Since your dd is grade skipped, she's around the class-peers all day and at lunch and recess too - so I'm not sure that opting out of the sex-ed lessons during health will prevent her from hearing about it - I'm guessing her classmates will talk about it during recess - just a guess, but a guess based on my own kids' experience as well as mine. If you think that might happen, I think it would be better *not* to opt out, and instead talk to your dd ahead of time to prep her for it.

If it was my dd, I'd want her to know. There are undoubtedly a few *girls* at least in her 5th grade class who have already had her period (a few of the girls I know here started as young as 9). I don't know where any of the boys in my dd's 4/5 class are re puberty, but back when I was in 5th grade my best friend's boy friend was pressuring her to have sex. So whether you want your dd to know about it yet or not, there's a statistical *chance* she might need to know about it.

Best wishes,

polarbear

I'm sorry if this comes off as obnoxious--but why? I'm asking honestly, because I'm not sure. I wouldn't have an issue with my DD knowing this now....in fact, it may be in the sex ed/how babies are made book for kids she owns (It's Not The Stork, which I have looked at but don't remember that well anymore).

FWIW, all of this is in my general area in terms of what I do for work (I prefer not to be much more specific than that due to privacy concerns) and there is no evidence whatsoever that sex ed causes children or teens to become sexually active--but there IS evidence that it causes them to use birth control when they do become active.

I'm far more concerned with the effed up messages kids get from popular music, movies, and the media regarding sex, relationships, body image, and so on than I am about what they learn in sex ed class...

In our school, they only learn abstinence in ninth grade. Many of the girls are sexually active by then. This is a Colorado law.

I had to really think about this because at first I wasn't really sure why not, just didn't like the idea of it. I guess it boils down to girls need to know about their own bodies so they are prepared when the changes start happening. However, at young ages, there really isn't a need to know basis for learning about the bodies and changes of the opposite sex. When it is being taught in a science based curriculum versus the classroom teaching reading some random state approved script to a bunch of giggling kids, it will be a lot more appealing to me.

While she hears some stuff on the playground and other places, she can tune out when she finds the conversation inappropriate which is what she chooses to do. However, when it is the teacher leading the discussion, it is a little more difficult to tune out what you don't want to hear. Call me old fashioned polarbear, but I don't think children in 5th grade should be having boy/girlfriends even if they are not grade skipped. Please don't take offense to this, just an old fashioned mama talking. :-)

A lot to consider as there is definitely some good information to be gained just some that I'm not so sure she is ready for. The reality is she is probably ready for a lot more than I give her credit for.

I'm not sure I follow the logical path that takes you from "learning about physical changes" to "having boy/girlfriends" in 5th grade.

The physical differences are obvious to the casual observer, so I don't see any point in surrounding them with mystery.

Also, she can choose to tune out, but what if she chooses not to? At this point, denied reliable information from her parents or the school, she'll turn to the only people willing talk to her about the subject... her peers. Is that where you want her to learn about this?

My kids are in school in the Denver metro area, I attended the parents meeting re sex ed curriculum content in fifth grade. The curriculum literally was a negotiated compromise between the district and the greater community. It came out so convoluted. The students learned about a certain type of birth control as a preventive for STDs but NOT as birth control. Anything that might have been remotely controversial was deferred to parents. You may want to check out the curriculum before you get too worried.

FWIW, My niece attended a core knowledge charter in northern CO. The schools' families were often religiously conservative. The school gained some notoriety a few years back when it opted not to teach evolution. Anyway, my niece's observation: the kids whose parents opted them out of sex ed were the ones who needed it most. The only kids who she knew were having sex were in that group.