Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional DD in DYS! 2e DS won't be. How to explain to them?

We just got DD8's DYS acceptance yesterday and my DH and I are over the moon! I want to tell her and celebrate this but I KNOW DS11 will be upset and internalize again that his sister is "smarter" than he is.

He is a HG+ 2e kid and he KNOWS how bright and talented we think he is but he also knows that school is a continual struggle for him-whereas his sister breezes through. This has been a repeated topic of discussion when DS melts down about the difficulty of schoolwork or peer relations from time to time. "Why is everything so easy for (sister)?"

He has the very high PRI but she has the extra high VCI and working memory so she is just "wired for school" as her principal says. I keep telling him his time will come in school later on, just not now. How to enjoy the news with DD without making DS feel like the second string again?

I can't wait to access the advocacy for DD but the program also specifically references "recognition" of PG kids as well, I would assume because they are so different that they don't always get recognition. I saw a celebratory aspect in there. Still haven't told either one about it but DS will be on it and full of questions when a whiff of this program actually appears in our lives. He is VERY observant and, like your DS, and glass half empty guy.

I'm sure it's different for different families, but we didn't celebrate DS's acceptance in DYS either, though he was young when accepted (5). It wasn't anything he did; it's just who he is, and we are grateful for the support. We don't have any other kids. My DH and I were extremely happy to have access to help with advocacy, and we've probably benefitted the most from learning from other parents. DS is just 8 now, and I think that the program gets more interesting to the kids when they are a bit older and really start making friends. This too depends on the kid -- this past year was the first year that our DS showed any interest in making close friends with anyone.

ETA: Congrats to you and your DD! It is a really great program and I hope you get a lot of use out of it.

I think one of the most important jobs I had as a mom was to teach my children that life wasn't fair and that railing against the things we saw as unfair only made us miserable and petty.

My kids competed in the same sport, and when one would do well enough to earn an invitation to a national competition and the other one didn't, it was devastating for the one that didn't. So we comforted the one the didn't, cheered the one that did and had private conversations with both of them about the importance of considering their sibling's feelings. We taught the winning sibling to express sympathy to the one who didn't and scolded the losing sibling if they behaved churlishly due to their disappointment.

This approach might work for you since it seems a similar dynamic.