Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Behavior, emotions and exceptionally gifted

Hello all- I'm new here but found this site looking for some advice or similar stories to mine. My son is 8- just turned and in second grade in a really good public school. The school is large, but his class has about 22 kids in it. Twice a week they pull him out to go with his enrichment teacher and once a week with the guidance counselor in group setting. He was tested this summer and scored overall 150 on the IQ test. The school has assured me they will continue to keep him challenged, but I'm beginning to see that this may not be the case.
My issue is this: Since about October of this year, he has been having problems with aggressiveness- according to the school. Once in October and once this past month he has smacked/hit a child. This past time he said he didnt know why he did it, and he was suspended.
After talking to him a few times he has begun to open up a lot more and has told us several times he hates school, wants to move and doesn't like his teacher. He says she yells at him all day (he tends to call out a lot and try to speak when it's not his turn and not raise his hand). The school is treating him as if he has behavioral problems and have him on a behavioral plan. They recognize he is gifted, but insist he has a behavior problem. However, when we are at home, we have no real problems, other than when he is upset from school he comes home miserable, argumentative, sad and almost depressed. He has told us several times his teacher told the class how terrible they are and he says this is the worst year of his life. When I think about what he is going through I want to just cry myself.
I am meeting with his teacher, enrichment teacher and guidance counselor this week and also a private psychologist to see if they can help. I feel as though he is bottling up his anger and emotions and at times he does lash out at other students.
When he was suspended, each day he came home like a new child- happy and full of life again. He told us that he loved suspension and that it was quiet, peacful, there was no yelling, he could read and concentrate and it was hectic. He said his class is just "crazy" (his words). He is also very gifted artistically and will come home and draw for hours just to relax his mind and unwind. He often draws all over his school projects when he has extra time since he finishes early.

My two main concerns are the relationship with the teacher and what is going on in his class room and how he is internalizing it and possibly acting out because of it...and that he isnt being challenged enough and the school thinks they are doing a good job. His enrichment teacher even told me on the phone last week, she isnt sure the things she is giving him are enough of a challenge. He has had one exam since starting school where he didn't get 100% and it was telling time and he said he couldn't tell where the hands were on the pictures- so I'm not really concerned with that. However,I am very concerned he is bored and emotionally scarred.

Can anyone provide any insight, personal experience or suggestions?

Your son has a FSIQ of 150? Is that on the WISC IV? If so that is an incredibly, incredibly high FSIQ. It's no wonder he is so bored and can't fit in. I am no expert with child behavior and have no personal experience with a child like your son but here is an article about different personality types in gifted kids

http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10114.aspx

He sounds like the "challenging" type. Have you considered applying to DYS? Has he taken any achievement tests like the Woodcock Johnson or the WIAT?

I can relate to this post, unfortunately......;(.
Gifted children ARE different, their personalities are different, their reactions are different.
My dd is 11 and in 5th grade and has had incidences of acting out in school when she gets totally frustrated. She knows how things should go and when they don't and the frustrations build up she can blow.
It doesn't help that some kids are so incredibly insensitive and mean....so we work on her behavior, role playing, etc. and it seems to be working.
Bottom line is, some teachers can't stand an overly bright or gifted child. It's an up hill battle, be prepared to advocate and stick up for your child, no matter what.
It can be done, I'm living proof. Is it possible for you to volunteer or drop in on the class to see what's going on?
Sometimes it's just not a good match between a teacher and a student, unfortunately. I always ask for "enrichment" work for dd so she won't get too bored.

Just out of curiosity, what specific behavior is targeted in the BSP?

Since his school is large, is there any chance you could get him switched into a different teacher's same-grade class asap? It's not the answer for the long term, but it sounds like his current teacher is a *really* bad situation for him. Our own ds had a similar situation with his 2nd grade teacher - rather than acting out in school he withdrew and was having panic attacks... it was recommended to us to switch him to a different classroom, and we found that putting him a new room with an entirely different teacher who had no preconceived notions about our ds and no past history with us (parents) made a huge (and very positive) difference for our ds.

You'll still need to advocate for more challenging work / gifted services etc - but it sounds like you have a very basic situation that needs resolving asap.

I'm so sorry your ds is in this situation - how frustrating!

polarbear

Thank you all for your kind replies. Yes, his FSIQ is 150 on the WISC IV test. I do have the details of the exam and when I met with the school psychologist who gave the test, he was very helpful in showing me the results and explaining everything to me. All of his scores are in the 99.9th percentile except one category was around a 145. I don't have the results with me right now.....

I met with a private psychologist yesterday who was really great. She gave me some suggestions about things to talk to the school about and she also thinks he should be taking classes with 3rd grade and next year moved to 4th grade. I am not sure yet how I feel about skipping a grade but I am going to be discussing this with the school Friday. I am also going to request a full IEP meeting with the school and insist they do more for him. She suggested at the very least having him in a 3rd grade class for part of the day- such as math class to keep him more stimulated. She also gave me some other great suggestions and is willing to write a letter on his behalf to the school.

The psychologist also said she doesn't feel that he is showing aggressive issues or has any type of behavior problem, but that he's in a bad situation that is causing him to act a certain way; which is how I also felt, but was reassuring to hear.

Polarbear- I am also asking for his classroom to be changed this week. Oddly enough, ever seen I had a very long talk with his enrichment teacher and we set up this meeting, his classroom teacher has been nicer to him- so he tells me.

Thank you for all of your suggestions...I am going to read all of the information you posted also.

tshin, your son probably has figured out by now that when he has certain behaviors he will get suspension and if he likes it, he might end up there again if the teacher's niceness wears off again, so it would be nice to finish out the year in a different classroom. My DD was in 2nd last year and by Jan. I wanted her across the hall, to a teacher that was always trying to help DD in the hallway etc. and was willing to have her move over. The principal said "we don't change classrooms" citing policy, no exceptions. After a meeting DD's teacher would be better for a couple of weeks and then slide again.

When my DD was in K (different school, different state), she absolutely hated being in the classroom and figured out pretty quickly that if she did certain things, she'd end up in the principal's office where it was quiet, and she'd chat with visitors. So at her high point she got herself there up to 5 times per day. Also, she faked a speech issue and insisted she had to leave with the other kids who were going to speech therapy. She tried that for a couple of weeks.

I took her out of K mid-year and homeschooled until 2nd grade, new state, new school, not much improvement except that she handles things better.

But we're having her tested again and there has to be alot of change for next year for me to agree to keep sending her.

I've actually printed the application for the DYS program and am taking it with me to school Friday for our meeting. I am going to still suggest we change him to a different classroom for the rest of this year or take class part of the day with 3rd graders to stimulate him more and challenge him (and get him out of the environment I don't want him in)

It should be interesting...I hate meeting with teachers in a group- I feel like they try to gang up on you. However, I'm not a pushover at all and they will figure it out quickly if they haven't by now.

thank you everyone for your suggestions and for sharing your personal experiences!