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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 228
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 228 |
My DS11 was diagnosed with ADHD by way a super-expensive neuropsych battery after K. I, like you, did not feel comfortable medicating him without a thorough investigation and expert medical opinion. I can't tell you if it was medically necessary but it was necessary for me. You will also have a certain amount of people judge your decision to medicate, if you do, and having a thorough work up from a board certified pediatric neuropsychologist tends to shut them up.
I can tell you based on our experience that the increased impulse control that the medication provides will be helpful for your DS socially, especially if he will be with older kids How a child interacts in a one-on-one homeschooling situation or with adults is quite a bit different than with peers in a school setting. Generally ADHD kids are "asynchronous" socially and will struggle with peer relations under the best of circumstances. My DS has been in counseling for being bullied and received social coaching with a different counselor because of social struggles at school. Adults love him because he is so very witty and clever with them, as well as being a sensitive and kind little guy. It's just the other kids!
In sum, don't ignore the social considerations of treating ADHD. Your gifted DS will likely find his peer relations the hardest part of school. Thank you for your reply! I didn't mean to imply that I would ignore the social aspects of ADHD, just that I don't feel like school is the only answer to that.  My DS is the same way, adults think he's awesome, kids don't seem to "get" him.
I can spell, I just can't type on my iPad.
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Joined: Feb 2011
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I would go with "when in doubt, throw it out" regarding the meds. You need way more time and investigation. And if your DS has so many sensitivites, chances are the med road, if you do take it at some point, will be especially experimental. I've never heard of such a thing, a little child that age and a concern of needing to "save his reputation". How unforgiving. Pre-emptive medication behavioral management, "just in case"?
Regarding the homeschooling and socialization, if you haven't already, you might want to try googling/reading articles about "socialization versus social development".
A little kid sitting alone at lunch is not a heartening thought, and what about bullying? Who is really watching these kids...at my DD's school there are 2 monitors for over 100 kids in the cafeteria, the teachers don't stick around. A little kid sitting alone is an invitation for trouble, if not just a very lonely introduction to big school. I would totally understand your worries and would understand you'd rather have him alone that vunerable to allergic reaction, but wouldn't there be anyone else for that shift from another class with allergies too? It seems the further we get from our food source and the more corporate it becomes, the more children have food allergies.
And you're really very clever to consider the birthday party/treats/snacks issues. That's a big part of kindergarten, especially!
If you could homeschool while you investigate things more and send him to classes at places that are more sensitive about such things, or sort of work around the whole food thing due to scheduling (like, after school classes) he could have the experience in the coming year of being with kids his age or age range but being safely at home for "differentiation" and the food issues.
I've noticed lately through "playground talk" amoung parents that there is a little trend of psychologists who don't do neurophysch exams really discouraging their current clients from pursuing neuropsych exams.
... Yes, I feel that I can still teach him how to "socialize" without sending him to school. Thank you everyone for your replies! We are going to look into a full neuropsych eval. Does anyone know if Dr Amend does this? I know he can do IQ testing, but I'm not familiar with what is involved in a complete work up.
I can spell, I just can't type on my iPad.
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 416
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What I learned (I put this in another thread too) about social development is that "optimal" social development occurs through interaction from intellectual peers. It's best if those peers are also closer in age, but this can be tricky if your child is a few standard deviations from the norm. You have to accept that you have to work alot harder to find them.
That doesn't mean that the child can't or shouldn't get along with and navigate social situations with any kid their age, it just means that you, as the parent, need to put everything in the appropriate framework to help understand and support the child.
I've found it helps to have this appropriate expectation that it will be more difficult and there might not be "bonding", but as long as your child is being polite and following the social rules as best they can, that's appropriate. Just like an adult is going to have deeper connections or friendships etc. with people who have more in common with them, share more similar world views etc., where with others, like casual neighbors and other parents in groups, the dynamic can be polite (hopefully!) but the expectation is that it will be more superficial. I think it helps the child's self-esteem if they can learn to understand this, too, because they certainly know they are different.
Building up their confidence will hopefully also help them deal with being bullied if that occurs (it seems hard to escape). Unfortunately some people don't outgrow bullying, so they take it into the workplace or as that one science fair thread indicates, it comes out through pushing their kids further ahead than others.
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Joined: Jul 2011
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Building up their confidence will hopefully also help them deal with being bullied if that occurs (it seems hard to escape). Unfortunately some people don't outgrow bullying, so they take it into the workplace or as that one science fair thread indicates, it comes out through pushing their kids further ahead than others. Yes, you continue to get exciting things like bully co-worker attorney neighbors who engage in direct bullying idiocy. Fun!
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 412
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Joined: Jun 2008
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Hi Amber,
Count us in on the list of having a PG boy with ADHD, sensory processing issues, and multiple food allergies. It definitely makes life interesting. My DS11 is in 8th grade, and we struggle with the problem of contact allergies as well. In addition to problems in the lunchroom, we also have problems with basic material in school: glue, wet wipes and hand sanitizer, markers, playdough (when he was younger), and I just found out this week... good old pens can have corn in them. So I can commiserate. I frequently think how much easier our life would be if we just threw in the towel and homeschooled.
For birthday parties and snack, I just brought in a stash of acceptable foods that the teacher could keep there and pull out when she needed it. If a child was bringing in something like cupcakes for a birthday party, then I asked the teacher to call me the day before, so that I could make a safe snack that looked like everyone else's snack. Sometimes this worked, and sometimes it didn't, depending on the teacher. Like so many other aspects of being different from the rest of the kids, it really came down to each individual teacher and whether or not they understood the allergies and the social/bullying aspect of being different. Some teachers were great. Others... not so much.
We have seen a lot of Dr. Amend over the past few years. He is wonderful, and I can't say enough praise about him!! He truly understands PG kids and the problems that they have in school, both academically and socially. He also understands 2E kids, particularly the interplay between PGness, underchallenging education, and ADHD. But I don't think he does neuropsych evals. I know that he can not write a prescription for ADHD meds, and referred us to a psychiatrist during our two not-very-happy trials of encapsulated trauma. I'm pretty sure that if he did neuropsy evals, then he would have suggested it for us by now.
Mom to DS12 and DD3
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 228
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 228 |
Hi Amber,
Count us in on the list of having a PG boy with ADHD, sensory processing issues, and multiple food allergies. It definitely makes life interesting. My DS11 is in 8th grade, and we struggle with the problem of contact allergies as well. In addition to problems in the lunchroom, we also have problems with basic material in school: glue, wet wipes and hand sanitizer, markers, playdough (when he was younger), and I just found out this week... good old pens can have corn in them. So I can commiserate. I frequently think how much easier our life would be if we just threw in the towel and homeschooled.
For birthday parties and snack, I just brought in a stash of acceptable foods that the teacher could keep there and pull out when she needed it. If a child was bringing in something like cupcakes for a birthday party, then I asked the teacher to call me the day before, so that I could make a safe snack that looked like everyone else's snack. Sometimes this worked, and sometimes it didn't, depending on the teacher. Like so many other aspects of being different from the rest of the kids, it really came down to each individual teacher and whether or not they understood the allergies and the social/bullying aspect of being different. Some teachers were great. Others... not so much.
We have seen a lot of Dr. Amend over the past few years. He is wonderful, and I can't say enough praise about him!! He truly understands PG kids and the problems that they have in school, both academically and socially. He also understands 2E kids, particularly the interplay between PGness, underchallenging education, and ADHD. But I don't think he does neuropsych evals. I know that he can not write a prescription for ADHD meds, and referred us to a psychiatrist during our two not-very-happy trials of encapsulated trauma. I'm pretty sure that if he did neuropsy evals, then he would have suggested it for us by now. Thanks for your reply. I have heard nothing but good things about Dr Amend, so maybe we will make the trip anyways, just for a second opinion. The food allergy thing adds this whole other level of neurosis to my already helicopter type parenting. I'm not proud. LOL.
I can spell, I just can't type on my iPad.
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 27
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Posts: 27 |
As a parent who went through 2 years of psychological testing & food allergy trial and error its worth the time. My kiddo doesn't have any real food sensitivities except sugar which we keep to a minimum and try for the most organic option when possible. However his impulse control has been slow to develop, so we've given in and tried medication. Its a short term solution in my opinion until his emotions mature enough to keep up with his brain. However I feel like I really tried every alternative out there before resorting to medication. Other parents ask me should I try medication? I tell them take the time and make sure its your only option. My kiddo was in pre-school and having significant issues so we were able to evaluate his issues early before kindergarten.
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 683
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The food allergy thing adds this whole other level of neurosis to my already helicopter type parenting. I'm not proud. LOL. I think that you need to give yourself a break. My DS7 has severe food allergies to 4 of the big 8. For him, he must ingest the food to trigger severe reactions. His contact reactions usually mean more severe eczema until we figure out the source, i.e. the soap that they used on him 50 times a day in preschool even though we had provided his own soap -- grr. Unless they have someone in their life who has been affected by serious food related conditions, i.e. severe allergies, celiac, diabetes, many people just don't get it. It's not malicious, it's just not something that they have ever needed to consider. Don't beat yourself up for being his advocate. You're doing what you need to do. Once you get past kindergarten, food isn't as integral to the curriculum. It sounds like you are willing to homeschool. Maybe you could hs this year and try traditional school next year. Also, you might want to shop for schools that have policies that suit your child. Our school doesn't allow birthday treats and only allows outside food at school parties. School policies states that party planners must take food allergies into consideration when they plan events. As another poster said, some people are more willing to work with you than others. We always just bring our own food. You also may want to think about a lunch setup that would allow your child to sit with other kids. Depending upon you situation, you also may want to get a 504 plan in place to address food allergies. http://www.foodallergy.org/page/504-plan
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 228
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Thanks again for the replies everyone! I decided that I'm just going to trust my gut on this one. We are going to keep homeschooling for the foreseeable future. I'm still open to medicating if he needs it. I just feel like things are going well the way they are, why mess with it. If I'm wrong, at least I'll know that I made a decision I was comfortable with.
I can spell, I just can't type on my iPad.
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 30
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 30 |
I have 3 gifted children who each have different food allergies. I did everything I could to address those first. DS12 definitely has learning effects that could be related to spending time with his head stopped up with snot during his early years. Right now I have them all on a mushroom supplement, hoping it helps calm down that overactive immune system.
I definitely understand wanting to know, but I also decided myself to wait for testing. There is a lot of cognitive development that occurs in those primary years. I did take DS12 for a central auditory processing evaluation when he was 7.5, but I didn't pay for the full testing until he was 9.5.
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