Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional A happy day and a question about pets

I don't have many people IRL who would appreciate what this means, so thought I would post here.

For the first time since toddlerhood, DS8 wore pants with a zipper and button to school yesterday! I was so happy! Between his SPD and fine motor delays he has always refused to wear anything that wasn't elastic waist. I had been accommodating it for so long, I forgot to even mention it to the OT until about a month ago. Well, she incorporated into the therapy sessions and now he's doing it! It makes me so happy for him as well as solves the challenges of trying to find elastic waist pants for a kid his age that aren't sweats/windpants.

Since starting OT in August he has learned to ride a bike, tie his shoes, and now zip/button pants. I am one proud mama!

I also have a question for those of you who have dealt with SPD, especially sensory seekers. DS is begging me for a cat. He previously asked for a dog, but that just isn't a good fit for our family/home right now. A cat would be easier. We have a cat now, but she is 18 and not that cuddly with the kids. I know that part of his desire for a pet is related to his sensory needs. He really craves physical/tactile contact and it occurs to me that a pet might help with this (instead of his little brother who is not that keen on the personal space invasion!). I realize now that this might be partly why at the children's zoo he would literal spend as long as I would let him brushing the goats. I wonder now if a tolerant pet might be helpful for him at home.

Has anyone had any experiences with a sensory seeker and pets?

We have a cat that barely knows he has legs from being hauled around by my son constantly. The cat absolutely helps meet my son's sensory needs, and my son helps meet the cat's obsessive need for attention, which is otherwise expressed by trying to help us type, so the bond between the two of them works out nicely for everyone in the house. I can't see him ever being without a pet.

Lol. In my house, cats and sensory seekers have also been a great match. I got a kitten when my son turned one. Even though we don't have an official diagnosis, DS2 definitely fits the profile of a sensory seeker. My son is quite a bit younger than yours, but he loved the kitten. DS would drag a curtain tie behind him which the cat would chase, then hook onto with his claws for a ride around our house, satisfying both of their needs at once (heavy work/play). The clawing was a problem for a bit until my son learned how much was too much, but in our case it was the advantage of a cat over a dog - immediate feedback. My mom and I have some sensory issues as well and both of us have found cats to be a great comfort.

And congrats on all the new skills, hooray!

Yipee for the new milestone!

I think a cat is a great idea, and your son is old enough for this to also be a good lesson in responsibilities. Finding a cat which is also sensory seeking will be key (mine has proven not to be so and also avoids the kids as much as she can), but I expect spending time at the local shelter socializing with cats waiting for adoption to find the right match would be a treat in and of itself

That is TERRIFIC!!!!

It seems like a cat would really be a wonderful assistant for your son. It would be appropriate sensory seeking to sit and pet a cat. As another poster mentioned, finding a cat that is sensory seeking as well would be a perfect match!

I was thinking a rabbit or guinea pig might be good ideas. Cats seem to be hit or miss in terms of being friendly. Rabbits and guinea pigs tend to be a bit lazier. Rabbits can also be walked though, and are a bit more entertaining than a guinea pig.

I am typing this with the fingers of one hand because my super affectionate cat is lying across the rest of me. I thought I would weigh in on how we found him in case you are looking for this type.

I searched on line for months - especially using petfinder.com. Some animal shelters and rescue societies put very detailed descriptions of the animals on line but not all. We went to visit numerous places and didn't find the affectionate cat we were looking for at any of them. One night I saw a really good prospect at a shelter about a half hour away. I emailed the director and explained exactly what kind of personality and temperment we were looking for and why. (DD had been through numerous deaths in the preceding months - grandpa, 2 dogs and a cat. We still had a 15 year old dog who wouldn't be lasting much longer so we needed just the right animal.) The shelter director agreed that the cat I saw online could be a good match but suggested another one that didn't appear on line. Apparently she had found him abandonded near a ferrel cat colony and decided that she was going to hand pick the right family for him. He was not advertised anywhere - she would know the right family when they came in.

When we walked into the cat room - easily 30+ cats walking around - this one long haired black cat started following us around. When we sat down he was instantly in my lap. After a while I moved him aside so we could meet the cat I saw on line. He just sat there staring at us the whole time as if to say "Hello! Yoo Hoo! Over Here!" As soon as the second cat jumped down he was back in my lap kneading my legs and purring. He KNEW we were his family, as did the director. It took us a little while for it to sink in.

So if you are seeking a cat with a specific personality and temperment be sure to communicate that to the shelter staff and try more than one place if you can, There were a few places who really tried to get us to bring one home because they are just so in need of placing the animals. While I felt bad not taking each and every one I am so glad we waited and got just the right pet with exactly the personality and temperment we were looking for.

Good luck - and I think having your ds spend time in the shelters is a brilliant idea!

Thank you all for your responses! Pemberley, what a great story!

I hadn't really considered a rabbit or a guinea pig. I guess that could work too, but maybe I am just more of a cat person.

I lol'd at the "sensory seeking cat", although I definitely understand what you mean! Personality and tolerance are going to be the key attributes. Without those, the whole thing would go down the tubes, and I know my son would also be very upset and feel rejected by the animal. So, if/when we do this we will be very careful about the selection. I am in fact trying to get DS off the idea of a kitten rather than an older cat because it is difficult to know what their personality will be at that age. I feel like an older cat would be easier to assess. I think I will definitely take Pemberley's approach and talk with the shelter folks and wait for just the right kitty.

Regarding the shelter, I worry that just visiting might make him sad since he wants to bring one home so badly. A while back I actually looked into finding some kind of volunteer options for him (when he wanted a dog and I knew that wouldn't be feasible), but unfortunately every place I called would NOT allow an 8 year old to volunteer. Kids had to be 10-12 at most places. They claim it is for legal reasons (biting/injuries I guess) which I understand, but legally there really isn't a difference between an 8 year old and a 10 year old. I think the real reason is maturity. And DS when it comes to animals he is generally more mature than others his age. But maybe they would just let him visit the kitties occasionally.

I am encouraged by the positive stories you all shared. Thank you!

Yes to cats for happiness : - ) Ours actually help DD write because she hates it so much, but at homework time they rub against her and purr and she always ends up writing a sentence or two about them. They are the stars of her daily journal.

You could get an older, laid back cat AND a kitten. It's always nice to have two in the house for companionship if you have to go away, even for a night or two. And our older one did the litter box training and will give the little one a swap over the head if she tries climbing up the screens or something.

I don't know what it's like where you live, but where we are there are a couple of malls with "no kill" shelters and you can visit them a few times and one has a room where you can be alone with them to see how they act with the child.

The county shelters also have their adoption days, we got our kitten there. We went for one particular one we saw on the internet but when we got there, that cat wouldn't have anything to do with DD but another one snuggled right down in her arms right away. She loves story time and sleeps with DD every single night.

I found that out about the volunteering also, I was told age 12.

When I was DD's age I would not have been able to visit shelters without being completely devastated, it's taken me years to get to this point...but she can handle it pretty well.

I would say that (people usually feel strongly about this one way or the other) but for a sensitive child I'd keep the cats indoors. Ours are completely indoors but last summer the older one got out and nobody was going to sleep in our family until that cat was found and safely back inside. It didn't take long, she was just at the side of the house being scared and confused, but it's worth a thought.

p.s. we did have an overlap with the two new cats and my old cat (who was 17 going on 18) and the first week was a little stressful, but the old gal was really my baby and the newer ones were DD's, so it did actually work out okay. My dear oldie passed away about 4 months or so afterward. She had had a lifelong feline companion who had died a couple of years before and I never got her a new friend. I think she did like the companionship of the other felines in the house during her last months. They all ended up being pretty nice to each other.