Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Potty training sensitive toddler

I just started the process of potty training DS27mo. He is absolutely physically ready since he can hold it in for over 3 hours. The problem is, he is an EXTREMELY sensitive child and gets very nervous when getting around the toilet. He said he is "afraid to go because there is an alligator in the toilet".

Just wondering if anybody has any tips for potty training a sensitive toddler with extremely high awareness?

I am considering just letting it go for now but it seems the 2 days we have been actively trying has at least made him more comfortable wanting to sit on the toilet. Before, when I tried, he wouldn't have any of it.

DS4 potty trained easily at 19 months and although he is a EG child he did/does not have the same sensitivities as his brother. Any tips would be appreciated.

Having him use a potty chair with a plastic liner so there is no water in it and it isn't connected to the sewer system where he may be afraid the alligators live would probably be where I would start.

I might also assure him that there are alligator excluder gratings in the sewer lines on every regular toilet that you or anyone you leave him with would ever ask him to use, even when you are out in public, so there is zero danger to him of an alligator attack while on the toilet.

Just out of curiosity, any idea where he heard about alligators living in toilets or sewers?

I have now had two toddlers afraid of the toilet (or potty), particularly public ones, because i had been too thorough in teaching them toilets were dirty and not to touch. My youngest has just TT this last month at 23 months, after nearly 6 months working on "everyone sits on the toilet, then we wash our hands and it's all clean". I was actually just thinking earlier today that i should update my own thread about toilet fears.

So I third the idea of fairly directly working on the fear. Where has it come from? How can you adress it?

Thank you ladies for you responses.

I have tried a regular potty chair but DS is huge (41 inches tall) so he actually doesn't fit. I mean, he can sit on it but none of the urine will go INTO the potty...:-)
That is why we are dealing with the toilet.

The whole alligator thing. He has an incredibly vivid imagination and makes up stories easily. I am assuming he gets the alligator idea from seeing alligators around here from time to time. (We are in Florida.) I will try to explain the alligators not being in toilets. Good idea.

So far I was somewhat ignoring it, trying not to talk about it in hopes he would let it go. But he is not an easily distracted child so I think perhaps explaining would be better.

DS4 got a complex at some point about the toilet and wouldn't have anything to do with kiddie potties or toilets. There was no incentive that would actually make him sit there.

So we started by having him pee in the tub/shower, at least that was in the right room. He went anyways upon being put in a filled bathtub, so it wasn't a big transition to a tub with no water in it. Once he was comfortable with the holding it, running to the tub (initially being lifted into it and then later peeing from over the side as if it was a giant toilet), parent rinsing it after (flushing), etc, then he was used to peeing only in the bathroom. After that it wasn't so hard to transition to (standing up on a stool) peeing into a potty/toilet without actually touching it. Then after that was easy, we tackled pooping. That way the actual sitting on a big scary hole was one of the last things he had to do and came after he was fully comfortable with all the other aspects.

Polly

For what it's worth, 11111, I got my son this potty chair specifically because it said it would fit big kids, and he has no problem peeing into it. (He is 3.5, reading fluently, but still not really potty trained. Finding daycare that can deal with him has not been a fun experience.)

I also let DS2 pee in alternate places until he was less scared of the toilet, then I had him pee standing up on a stool, so he never sat to pee. I would float a few pieces of TP on the water first and my son liked that (covered the hole).

Thanks for posting this, my 21 month old is already 36lbs and too big for any of the potties in the store. And showing no signs of readiness so who knows how big he'll be?!

My oldest didn't potty train until 3.5, she wasn't talking until then either. One thing I will suggest for the OP for when he will finally go, is to take something to cover the sensors on a public toilet or you will set yourself back weeks. My daughter wouldn't go near one for ages after the first time she had one flush while she was still sitting. If he's scared of the toilet at home, this will be 10x worse.

DS would not sit on a potty or toilet to start with. He was wee trained just before 2 but would stand and wee into the toilet (from a step) or I would hold the potty up. He continued to poo in a nappy until 3 1/2 because of fears or falling in etc (basically overthinking). One he became obsessed with how toilets work etc and he was ready we started sitting him on the toilet - initially for 2secs then a bit more, then a book... It took about a week and then he started actually doing something. He has been fine since.

Great suggestions! Thanks! I am thinking maybe I should try the potty chair you posted. Looks like it might be big enough. Does the pee guard really cover the pee? Is it really high enough like the reviews say?

I will keep in mind to cover the sensor of the noisy commercial toilets. Hadn't thought about that. Peeing in the tub is a great idea too. I don't know if DS does pee when he takes a bath. Sometimes he will get out and pee within 5 minutes. I am going to try it though. I will also try covering the hole in the toilet with TP. The hole might be scaring him.

Lots of great ideas to try! Thank so much. I will keep you updated. If you can think of anything else let me know!

The pee guard is quite high, and it's made of flexible rubber, so he won't hurt himself getting into the chair. It works great.

Thanks Elisabeth! I went ahead and ordered the seat. Hopefully it will be a "breath of fresh air" in our potty training journey...:-)

Somerdai, I put toilet paper in the toilet today to cover the hole. He seemed more relaxed after that but still wouldn't go. I will get back to that idea once he graduates from the potty, and possibly tub, back to the toilet.

If anyone has anything to add for me, I'd appreciate it! Bear is probably 2E and is 5 years old. He peed in the potty for a short while (timer in use) until a very bad experience with a counselor (this past Oct.) and has only peed once or twice since then. He's never pooped on a potty (he's on Miralax due to stooling issues, but we're trying probiotics to see if they will help with the issues).

He says he's afraid of not making it to the potty in time (poop related) and of making a mess. He says the potty is too cold to sit on, but won't let me line it with toilet paper and won't stand (although he did before the counselor... grrr...).

I wish I had some advice to offer the OP, we used cheerios to get him to pee in the potty when that was actually happening.

I'm sure you've probably already thought of this, but just in case you haven't...a padded toilet seat might help with the sensory issues/cold seat problem. You can usually pick one up at Walmart or Home Depot for less than $20, which is way more economical than keeping him in diapers. Everyone else in the house will probably appreciate it, too.

I know this is only one piece of the puzzle, but every obstacle you can remove makes it a little easier.

Good luck.

Thanks, but those are actually colder than the ones we have which are wooden. I've still contemplated trying one though because he might like the feeling.

Wyldkat, one process that is sometimes recommended goes like this (stepwise progression, master each step before going on to the next; reward successes at each step):
- get him to go in the diaper, but in the bathroom
- get him to go in the diaper, but next to the toilet
- get him to go in the diaper, but on the toilet
- cut a hole in the diaper, get him to go *through* the diaper into the toilet
- once that's routine (always on the toilet, but through the diaper), take off the diaper and only put it on when he goes
- once he's very used to being on the toilet successfully, then get rid of the diaper.

Cumbersome as heck, but our ped. swears by it for difficult-to-train kids.

I do recommend evaluating for the 2e if you're not sure-- if there are issues where intervention is appropriate, getting them is better than not IMO.

DeeDee

We've run him through the gamut of tests and all they have managed to figure out is what he doesn't have... So no autism, no emotionally disturbed, still haven't ruled out childhood bipolar.

I would try that, but I have no idea when he goes. He's not regular at all. Part of that might be due to the Miralax, so we're trying probiotics and cutting down on the Miralax to see if that helps at all. Th diaper would definitely make the potty less cold...