Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Are you and your partner on the same page?

Do you and your partner agree about Gifted issues?
- raising gifted children
- educating gifted children
- advocating for gifted children

Do you both read about gifted issues and educational issues? Is it the job of one parent or both to help find the best fit, help get the best out of your kids etc etc?

Just curious about your personal experiences around this topic

In advance, thanks for sharing!

Well, I am a stay-at-home mom. Both because of that and because I am better suited to it temperamentally, I am the parent "in charge" of reading up on educational issues, learning about available resources, etc.

When it comes to testing, placement, etc., my husband and I discuss and come to agreement on what approach to take.

We have generally similar attitudes toward parenting generally, but we do have some different philosophies.

My husband is more concerned than I am about hurting DD socially and damaging her well-roundedness and ability to get along with all types by segregating DD in gifted-only settings. So far, we've been able to resolve them all relatively painlessly.

For example, my DD is eligible for an accelerated gifted-only class beginning next year. My husband was reluctant to go for it until he found out that it only lasts until middle school, at which point she will be able to take classes with other kids, too. I was more in favor of it regardless.

DW checks out all the books in the library on gifted issues, reads them herself, then turns them over to me. I take time off work every time so we can both be there for school meetings. We have occasional communications issues and we don't agree 100% or take an identical approach, but we try really hard to find common ground on EVERYTHING regarding DD. We made a commitment to presenting a united front and consistency in our interactions with DD when she was a newborn, and it's worked for us this long, so we're not about to change it.

One time DW wasn't feeling well and couldn't make a school meeting, and she was furious with me afterwards, because I didn't push hard enough for her liking. I reminded her than DD's emotional state when she comes home from school is only something I vaguely understand from occasional secondhand reports, where she experiences it every day. DW had the critical information, but she does prefer to let me take the lead as the better public speaker... so together, we make a very effective team. Without her, I was not successful.

I'll always be the one doing all the research for homeschooling / giftedness (if needed), etc. I'll likely suggest that DH come up with some fun activities or things to learn with DD. He says he wants to be involved with DD's learning and teach her stuff. He does get down on the floor with her a lot to play with blocks, puzzles, etc.

I'm just the researcher in the family.

So far we are the same page about most things. I do the research, sum it up for him and if my conclusions sound good to him, he generally goes with them.

DH agrees that Nick is probably gifted and is definitely intense, exciting, etc. We are on the same page that we will do what we can to advocate and help him navigate the school system.
BUT I am the researcher of things. He is the quiet introverted thinker and deliberative reader, and I am the gogogo extrovert who needs MORE info STAT. So, I tend to read large volumes of info, and DH thoughtfully (slowly) reads and considers.

I think we both have an equal understanding of our son's needs, but DH is a real hands on, exceptionally plugged in parent. I know few other daddies in our community who spent so much 1:1 time with their newborns/toddlers/prek kids. We had opposite schedules for the first 2 years as Nick was NOT a good fit for daycare and just preferred his parents. SO he had him solo for 5 hours every day from 3 mos on. He called me the first afternoon back to work panicking- HOW DO YOU DO THIS ALL DAY!? Poor man was in charge of the 'witching hours'...sorry, I digress.

thanks for all the feedback... I don't think we are not on the same page as much as we are both expressing our concerns differently. Dh get's "angry" when he worries, and it comes out as directed towards me, even though it's just that I am a safe venting ground. a-hahaha.

I am the researcher etc, I am the one with the boys all day mostly too. Dh doesn't read unless it's a short article I send him.

But I really want to homeschool, DH keeps saying "give the school a chance" (is 2 years not enough of a chance?) but then says I must push for what the boys need. He wants the kids in school, and he wants them happy and learning at their potential. He wants them to fit into a regular high school later, but he doesn't want them bored. I cannot see these things all working cohesively TBH, not the way we are going now.

He came from an AGM tonight at the school and was contradicting himself all over the place. Clearly the head of the school is a gifted speaker lol! So I was wondering how he got all turned around and that led me to wondering how it works on your side of the screen

I think DH knows that DS is "smart" but that's about it. That's a big part of why I pushed for the counselor to administer the WJIII when she mentioned she could do it. I want DH to understand that our DS is more than just a little brighter than average.

I work from home so I do the research and lay out options and then we discuss. We are almost in 100% agreement when it comes to the kids and their education. Due to dh's varied schedule, I am almost always alone in meetings. For the most part this hasn't been a detriment.

But when things ugly he began accompanying me to meetings. DH is the calm diplomatic parent. I've been in the trenches and have precious little patience after the fifth request to accommodate my child. So it was somewhat humorous for me to see DH be the one to get red in the face and stare incredulously as teachers/administrators refused to test, accommodate and differentiate for our children.

It certainly gave him a better understanding of the obstacles we were/are facing.

We're on the same page if you mean muddling through this together with completely different opinions on almost everything. Both of us have been willing to try the other persons way for a little while, until it doesn't work, so far.

Grinity had a really wonderful response to a similar question sometime in the past year or so. It was along the lines of her being the one doing all the research but expecting her DH to be an equal partner in the decision making, and finally coming to terms with her having more weight in the decision process since she was the one doing the research. If you can find it, I'd recommend reading it (it's fairly old though).

DH and I are on the same page, and we go to all formal teacher meetings together. I am the researcher and driver in the effort, I share my research with him verbally, and as we bounce ideas around, we come to agreement on our conclusions. He does defer to me since I'm the one with stronger opinions and my own childhood full of gifted baggage, er, insight, to draw from.