Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Pre-k group challenges

We are in the process of preparing for Kindergarten and trying more group learning opportunities. So far, they haven't gone well. We have 1.5 years to figure it out (he has an October b-day so will be nearly 6 when he starts). We hope to enroll him in a K-3 mixed-age school with ability groupings so subject acceleration will be no biggy (teacher/student ratio 1:6). He is generally very social & out-going but kid interaction is hit/miss. My guess is that he is on the HG-spectrum (reading at age 2, geography obsessed at age 3 memorizing countries/capital, flags/languages, and now at age 4 math/reading at 1st or 2nd grade level). In a nutshell:

Good experiences:
--Playing with 'best friend" -- 1st grader
--Playing with cousin -- 1st grader
--Taking swimming lessons with & without peers (we are there sometimes and other times he is on his own no problem)
--Doing board activities at library story time
--Answering/asking questions about the story at story time
--Playing with kids at the park if there are only a few kids there

Not-so-good experiences:
--Singing at library hour - refuses to participate
--If more than a few kids are at the park, resorts to guessing all their ages, counting them (add/sub as the come and go), and talking about how each play structure is constructed
--Went to spanish/art/singing program for 3-5 year olds, he REFUSED to participate in anything (I was there)
--After having a seemingly good time with other kids at the park/swimming, has no interest in playing with them outside that context

My plan is to keep trying the group things -- and sign up for more individual lessons (piano, tennis). I am also looking for math/games groups -- he loves playing board games (monopoly, Parcheesi, etc.).

My gut feeling is that he will not participate in any pre-k program. A Montessori would be a good alternative -- but his extreme allergies to animals prevent him from attending any in the area.

Any advice? Should we not worry about the group-learning thing at this stage? Thanks!

He is perhaps studying from afar and learning about groups. I agree it's not a setting he seems intuitively comfortable with, based on your comments, but that doesn't mean it will always remain so.

I know your instinct is he'd refuse to participate in a pre-K program but do you have a feeling about why that is, especially if he found one or two like him? Does he think interacting with the other kids is boring? Or he doesn't know how to engage them? Do you think this would persist beyond a few rough days (I doubt any kid wants to be left out for long)? At the library, are the other kids sitting near him and interacting to his exclusion? Could you find any books you can read to him or he can read himself that model going to a new school, making new friends, group behaviors etc?

In the meantime, I agree, keep exposing him to different settings. He won't enjoy them all. No one enjoys everything. Encourage him in the ones he does enjoy, like the group swimming lessons. This may be something he likes because he can still be part of the group, but sort of practicing his own thing. Maybe a team sport like soccer?

Does he enjoy singing elsewhere? You mentioned two singing items, maybe it's just not enjoyable to him?

Now that you mention it -- it feels like it is a mix of exploring how to interact with groups and having some anxiety about it at the same time. I also think it might be a control thing too (hence the anxiety)-- he is not comfortable when he is not controlling the discussion/activity to some extent.

Thanks so much for your thoughts!

DS is similar (prob hg) and would not participate in anything group related, song actions etc a year ago. He is introverted (not shy though with adults) and preferred to observe. He did a year of Montessori at 3 (2 mornings a week) and although initially he would always "need" morning tea at group times he ended up Participating quite happily (including song actions). It was not pushed and he was allowed to participate when ready which helped. He still prefers small groups/one on one to large though, given a choice.