Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion update-kids in montesorri, still worries on future

herenow, that made me laugh! Mine is expensive too! It's easy to say no to a toy, but when they ask you for online Biology somehow NO doesn't work! I drive 150 miles a day just to take DS to school and gas doesn't seem to be getting any cheaper.

Wow Shari, I guess I won't complain about my 90 daily miles to take DS to and from school!

And I wish we could "like" posts here; your post about the possibilities of making it work no matter where you are is so wonderful and true. Although, I have to say that in our particular situation it has been nice to have an out-of-district option 45 miles away, even though our local district was willing to be flexible with our kiddo. It's been a lot less stressful for me to deal with people who get HG kids than to repeatedly convince new people that my kiddo really does need more challenge, despite his age and poor handwriting.

And to the OP, I'm glad you have found a good fit school for now. Yay! It's a relief to know that there are options that work. You are likely still in for a lot of advocacy and searching for school options that will work, but you're ahead of the game in recognizing that you will need to be flexible.

The director of DS's Pre-k told us he had only met 2 or 3 like DS in his lifetime association with gifted Ed and that we better be prepared because he was going to cost us a fortune! Iwas thrown and a little pissed at the time becasue DS was getting nothing in the Pre-k classroom and the social aspect turned out to be almost harmful. In retrospect, it was a huge confirmation that he was different and that we needed to make changes. So you are right herenow, having that kind of outside voice was helpful in terms of the long term planning that we did - which was to move to make DS commute shorter to his gifted school which is far from perfect.

As helpful though as that voice was - this site has been SOOOOOOO much more valuable. For resources, for a sounding board and for a community that doesn't think it's crazy to sacrifice lifestyle and other choices for an educational fit.

DeHe

Oh geeeeez...

So we had the classroom observation the other today and the official conference today. Both his teacher and the school director were rather blunt in telling us that no public school - no matter how great it's reputation - would be able to accommodate our son. They weren't even trying to sell us on the Montesorri because they told us that they didn't know how much longer they'd be able to accommodate our son either. The director said we may need to consider a private gifted school (the same one we were already considering - she offered this without prompting).

For now, in this moment, the kids are doing well there and that is good enough for now.

One major area of concern is that my son seems to have no interest in the other children whatsoever. He like the adults and interacts well with them. He doesn't push or hit the other kids, he just doesn't care about them. He doesn't even know most of their names. One of the kids in the class said today "he can read big books and counts in the thousands but he doesn't know our names?" like just not understanding.

So I am very concerned about his social development and well being. They told me that kids that are as advanced as him (they said "the kind of kids that can go to college when they are 12") often struggle socially. They are hopeful that it will improve with time. He is only 3-years-old so a lot can change developmentally in the next year or two.

Anyway... we are feeling a bit shell shocked right now. I had wondered if public schools would just be out of the running, but to hear it put so bluntly was disheartening. We are visiting and touring a public school next week to get a feel for what sort of accommodations they can make there. To say there is no public school anywhere that could accommodate our son seems a bit harsh. Right?

We are also worried about our son's social development. He plays well with his younger sister, but otherwise he definitely prefers interacting with adults instead of other kids. I don't know if this is a giftedness issue or if it just a personality one. I know there are a lot of "typical" kids that are similar in that regard. We try to keep him involved and give him opportunities to make friends. (Swim lessons, little pre-sports clubs, playdates, etc.) I don't know what else we can do. Any ideas?

We are now wondering if we will be needing to keep the kids at montesorri longer or send them to the private school. Both obviously cost money. We can make it happen, but WOW - you guys are absolutely right that having gifted kids is expensive!! Mine aren't even school age yet!

Someone, anyone, please just reassure me that things will be OK! I pray my son can make a friend soon. It makes me sad to think that he is already becoming isolated from his peers.

Thanks for listening - this board is a lifesaver. I know I'll be continuing to rely on this place for advice/guidance/slaps in the face (when needed). Thank you.

Hi sweetpeas!

I can very much relate to your fears about social skills. My DS is 5 and continues to show very little interest in his classmates. We were able to find another highly gifted 5 year old in our community, and my fears were set aside once they got together to play.

When he was 3, I asked him why he didn't play with the other kids, and he responded, "Because they don't talk well." I realized that he didn't know how to hold a conversation with the other kids -- he talked more like an adult, and I could barely understand what the other kids were saying. That's when I went on a search for similar-ability-age-peers. Definitely not easy to find!

I, too, struggle with school choices, and I love the advice to just focus on the next year. The reality of unconventional and expensive choices continues to sink in. I had found a good short-term option for him here in the Phoenix area, but we may be moving to Rhode Island. The anxiety and search begin again!

So great to share feelings with others who get it!

Looking forward to following what you decide to do...

I feel the same way. I'm struggling to find playmates for DS2. He loves pretend play and I'm his only outlet since he won't play by himself yet (he needs my fine motor skills to make his scenarios work). A few days ago, I went on a preschool visit for the first time, thinking that maybe DS would enjoy a few hours a week. Wow, the 2-3 year old area was definitely a wake up call. I'm going to visit one more tomorrow, but I'm thinking about "hiring" a 7-10 year old to just come play or something. The only problem is that all of the kids DS would like to play with are in school most of the day. Guess it's all me for now. Today I was Darth Vader, not sure who I'll be tomorrow!

Originally Posted By: sweetpeas
Someone, anyone, please just reassure me that things will be OK! I pray my son can make a friend soon. It makes me sad to think that he is already becoming isolated from his peers.

DS4 is not interested in his peers either, nor any kids really. He does know all his classmates names though (and parents/grandparents that he has met) but prefers to be with much older kids/adults. He currently is not interested in many platdates either, preferring to be at home "L is too silly, J is too noisy and silly..." all mg and 1-2 years older. He plays well with a hg boy 1 yr older but they don't live close by and his "friend" is off to school now. Too much older and the kids are into movies etc that DS hasn't seen. Sigh... we will see what this year brings.

My newly 8 DS just this week received his first phone call with a friend to just to chat! He finally has a friend that he wants to do things with outside of school. He, like many of your kiddos, showed little to no interest with the other kids in his class as a preschooler up until now. He didn't ignore them, and he was friendly with them and played with them, but he wasn't interested in hanging out with them (except his best friend since infancy).

I think some of it has to do with personality. He is pretty slow to warm up to anyone new, and mom and dad were so much fun anyway. Some of it likely had to do with the fact that he's a boy; not many boys in DS's schools had great friends, compared with the girls who definitely got into the friend thing earlier. I'm sure some of it had to do with GTness, in that DS was interested in different stuff. His new good friend is also a grade skipper in a school for HG kids, and they have a lot in common, but also they're quite different in many ways. Who knows how friendships work! I wouldn't have predicted this one.

So in our case, it just took time.

DS8 has one good friend. That's it, one. He has no friends at school. It bothers me way more than it bothers him. He told me that it just isn't "cool" for 13-14 year olds to hang out with the 8 year old. No one is mean, he's just not good for their fledgling identities. He keeps telling me that in a few years it will be acceptable to hang out with him.

His friend is a kid that he met while in preschool. A year older than my son, J is at least MG although never tested and the two of them are best pals. They don't get to see each other very often as their schedules are totally different.

I spend a lot of time and energy worrying about my son socially. Much more time than he worries about it. He seems content with where he fits for now and understands that as he gets older there will be more opportunities to make connections.