Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional I think DS8 is depressed.

DS8's been having so much trouble in school that the principal felt it necessary to call and talk today. For some reason she couldn't get a hold of me, so she spoke with my hubby. He was very upset and couldn't really relay what all she said very well. But he mentioned she felt he was depressed and talked of hating himself and wanting to die.

I feel like I need a magic wand for him! I don't know anymore what is going on with him. We were certain he was just ADHD, then we began to suspect he was also gifted. Now, I'm pretty sure he's gifted, but I'm not 100% about ADHD anymore.. maybe it's Asperger's? Maybe it's something else entirely?! I have no idea. I also feel like the school situation is making things a thousand times worse - he doesn't (feel like) he has any friends, he's bored nearly the whole day, I'm pretty sure his teacher is tired of dealing with him.

I am going to talk to my hubby about taking him to see Dr Lusby. She's been mentioned on here before - she can do a full neuropsych eval. The only downside is I have no idea how we would pay for that right now!

Epoh, I think the eval is a very good idea. The full workup will tell you the full picture and probably give you some insight on what to do next. It's especially urgent that you get some help **right away** for the "wanting to die" part-- those words should always be taken seriously.

On paying: talk to the neuropsych's office about this issue. They are likely to know: (1) what billing codes are accepted by your insurance, minimizing any out of pocket costs (2) any county or state funds that can be applied for to offset the cost of evaluation. Some neuropsychs have staff that work very hard to make sure they can serve families that need them.

In our county, there are specific funds for diagnostic work-- i.e. they won't pay for therapy, but they can be drawn on for the eval. Then there's separate money you can apply for that covers some of the therapy, for certain diagnoses.

HTH, hang in there,
DeeDee

DD6 has been saying some of the same things, and we have no reason to suspect any ADHD or autism spectrum disorders... she's a very empathetic and attentive kid. In her case, the full explanation is exactly as you described... she's bored at school, and she has difficulty relating to the other kids there.

Apparently a sleep shortage was also contributing, because we made a minor tweak to her nighttime schedule, and she's doing better.

Whenever a kid starts talking about wanting to die, a psychologist is a must. We enlisted one to help DD work on her coping skills, because she's so frustrated at the end of the day at school, she bottles it up to be a good girl, and then explodes when she gets home. He's also been useful as a resource for us to advocate for her. It doesn't hurt that he's well known to the school and trusted.

Over time (and a lot of advocating) things have improved marginally for her at school, but she's still something of a social outcast... she spends two hours a day as the only 1st grader in a 1st-3rd gifted class, so the other kids are significantly further along and she feels like the resident dummy, then spends the rest of the day in a normal 1st grade class where she's way beyond her age peers. She feels like an alien in both worlds.

One interesting discovery was that DD was resenting DW and I for putting her in first grade. She thought it was our fault. Finding out different has helped her quite a bit, because while she believed that, she must have felt completely alone. Now that she knows her parents have been in her corner all along, she takes comfort in that. You never know what goes on in these kids' head sometimes. I can't imagine how she came to the conclusion that we chose first grade for her... we started pushing for second the day we enrolled her.

We went through the same thing with our DS
Who is now an adult. He was clinically depressed in the second grade. We did not find out he was profoundly gifted until high school when he started a school
Where everyone worked at their own pace.

I agree with DeeDee, call the testers office. If they can't help perhaps they know someone who can. I know how upsetting it cAn be to have a child who is in misery but just hang in there and you will find a way to help him. Keep us posted.

Hugs,
Stargazer

It is good the principal shared her concerns and I hope you'll be able to get the evaluation.

While you are checking things off the list, I would also take him to the pediatrician for a check up too. It is a good idea to rule out physical causes as well.

If your child is expressing a desire to die, you should seek help sooner rather than later. Most insurances will cover the initial visit under these circumstances, and if the psychologist determines that IQ, Asperger's, etc. might be an issue, the screening and subsequent testing might be covered as discovery procedures to treat the depression.

We actually just had his yearly with his pediatrician, everything looks good there.

We stopped both the meds he was on starting last night. Tonight before bed he was having one of his exceptionally silly periods... Something I hadn't seen in at least two months! Here's hoping getting those meds out of his system lifts his mood!!

So, wow! We had a GOOD morning. No waking up growling and upset. He woke up in a perfectly good mood, took his shower, ate breakfast. The only time a voice was raised was when he yelled as his sister to get out of the bathroom when he was getting dressed.

I know the original issues are still there, but I am so happy to see my son be NORMAL (well, his personal version of normal)!!

Thanks - He says he has no friends, but I also hear stories about playing with the same group of boys pretty much every day at recess. More than once he's gotten upset because he thinks the other kids in class are laughing at him, when the teacher swears no one was even looking at him - they were just sitting at their desks not paying him any mind. I think a lot of that is negativity run amok in his over-active mind.

I've got him scheduled to take the WJIII on the 31st, and I'm waiting on a callback from a psychologist I found who appears to take our insurance and can do a full neuropsych eval. The waiting is hard though! Two weeks is a lifetime for him.

We've also had several talks with him about what makes him upset and what he wants and what would make him happy, etc. He's said before he wants to have friends and he wants to be 'normal.' He's smart enough to know that the things he does in school, especially, are not normal - specifically how upset he gets at little things, and his tantrums, but he doesn't seem to be able to control them much.

I've got a friend who lives about 45mins away who has a little boy only like 1 month younger than DS. The boys get along REALLY well, but we don't get together very often due to the drive. (Plus, she is not a confidant driver and as a result, hates driving and tries to limit it, so it's me driving to her for visits.) I am going to try plan visits with her more often so the boys can play. She also has a DD the same age as mine, so it really works out well, the boys play legos or video games and the girls run wild (lol) while we chat and have a drink. I think spending more one-on-one time with another boy his age (who is also wicked smart) who has similar interests will help.

Epoh, did you talk with the ped. before stopping the meds? Some meds are better weaned off than stopped suddenly. I would definitely recommend relying on expert advice for this sort of thing rather than tweaking on your own.

Now that he's feeling better, is he still having tantrums? Did the ped. have any suggestions about the tantrums/behavior issues?

DeeDee