Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Mid-Year Grade Skip?

I had requested a conference with DS7's first grade teacher to hear how things are going since some changes we made in October, and to start planning for an agreed-upon skip to third grade next year. I was hoping to discuss how to strengthen DS's writing skills, his big weakness.

The first thing the teacher said to me was that she feels DS should skip to 2nd grade after winter break. She had two reasons:

1. She thinks third grade will go more smoothly if DS has some of second grade under his belt.

2. She feels that DS is completely wasting his time in first grade since he already knows most of the material.

I told her I'd bring it up with DH (who took months to convince of the skip to third) and DS, and emphasized that I won't move DS unless he is in agreement.

In the meantime, I left a message with the secretary to make an appointment with the principal. The school hasn't (and maybe doesn't) completed an IAS, nor has DS had any achievement testing, just a recent IQ test >99.9%. There's been no planning for a grade-skip yet.

I surely agree that DS is wasting his time in first grade. I might be able to get DH on board, but DS really wants to finish the year with his friends.

Any thoughts about any of this?

DD did a mid year skip last year. It was hard, but not the end of the world. Good luck!

How much planning does a grade-skip require? I have a copy of the IAS manual, but it's still unclear to me when they talk about planning, what needs to be thought out.

I'm not sure how much planning a grade skip requires, but I imagine they have to make sure there's room for your kid in the receiving class, and probably some paperwork they need to fill out to officially do the skip. Unofficially, I'd imagine you just need space and a willing teacher and kid.

As for mid-year versus next fall, my DS has a similar but not quite the same experience. He skipped first, then switched mid-year to a new district to an accelerated program. So we didn't have to deal with the questions of "why is your DS suddenly in so-and-so's class?" that you might get if you're in a small school. Since our DS was starting over with friends at the beginning of the 2nd, he hadn't really bonded hugely with anyone when we did the mid-year skip. And since the receiving class was more full of intellectual peers, he quickly made friends there and was able to move with that same class to 3rd grade, so we are glad we moved him mid-year instead of starting in the fall. He is very comfortable with his new class. If you have a situation where your DS will likely be with the same group of kids for 3rd, I'd vote for the mid-year skip just for that.

We still do stuff with some of his friends he made in kindy, though, and I'd recommend trying to keep in touch with any good friends your DS has already made. It helped our kiddo when we moved him twice to know that he still had his one good friend, even if they didn't go to school together.

I think that the message you want to send to your child is that school is about learning. So if he has to either waste his academic time OR be with friends, then academics wins. I would offer lots of playdates with the friends he likes, but the sooner he joins the new social group, the easier it will be to form the new social ties. The younger the receiving group the easier it is to join them.

Practice at home how to handle to questions - shrug and eye roll and murmur...principle said...hum hum

Smiles,
Grinity

Thanks for all the terrific advice. I'm sitting here making a list of pros/cons and questions.

This is a large school, with TWO gifted classes in each grade except K. They do mix the kids up, but he'd probably be with half his class the following year. It's a neighborhood of high-maintainence mamas, so there might be some talk.

Grinity, you have a good point about school being for academics. I can try to convince him. Ultimately, though, I'm not going to force him into a grade-skip against his will -- and it's one of the IAS disqualifiers if the child doesn't want to be skipped. Especially since he has such a good attitude about skipping at the beginning of next year, I don't think I would ruin that for the benefit of a few months of second-grade work.

I'm going to meet with the principal and teacher and see what we can hammer out.

In some ways the mid year skip can help ease the high maintenance mom talk. They don't have all summer to talk about your child. And your strategy can be that the need to do something for your child was so great that the school had to do something drastic. DD's grade skip has greatly reduced the "my kid is gifted too politics" that used to suck us in. Now she is just the youngest kid who is uber smart, rather than an intellectual threat to the other students.

My child's mid-year skip last year from 3rd to 4th was mostly positive, but not without some stress. The child had been begging for a skip for years and at the start of 3rd was sent to 4th "part-time." Schedules became complicated and he started to feel as if he had no home base and to resent the time he continued to spend in 3rd. He would do all of his "4th grade" work (which was actually 5th, 6th, 7th + as it's mixed age/grade with a lot of subject acceleration) and none of his 3rd grade work. It just became clear to everyone after about 8 weeks that there was really no point in continuing with 3rd. Bonus: I think the 3rd grade teacher was glad to be rid of me. I was always pestering her for something. Honestly, she couldn't sign that paper fast enough once the principal presented it.

Because it was 3rd to 4th, there were quite a few changes organizationally and executive function was an issue. I had to provide a ton of scaffolding for at least 3 months because after so many negative experiences I was determined to do anything I could do to help this be positive. He had never had to keep his own binder, for example, or write down his own homework. I stayed on top of it and taught him how to do the things that the other children had already had 2 months to learn.

As for reactions from the kids -- my child felt vindicated -- he had felt powerless and voiceless for far too long and his drive to be more challenged had finally led to someone (his new teacher) respecting that. His confidence has increased tremendously. He is still plagued by self-doubt when he becomes overwhelmed, but even that is starting to diminish. Being moved up was far more important to him than anything social, though he did leave behind a best friend who he adored and this was not an easy thing for him to do. We made a huge effort to have as many playdates as possible, but new friends have since been made and things have settled into a routine. We were very lucky as there were already 4 other children in his receiving class who were grade-skipped, so this is was not un-heard of. Most kids think my DS is older anyway, because he's very tall. They did "graduate" him in his 3rd grade class -- but it was very hasty as the skip happened one week after we signed the papers.

As for the parents, those in my support group were supportive, those who were not weren't told by me. Because the holidays were upon us (this happened in November) many people did not even find out until much, much later. I suspect there may be a few who still do not know. I did have one parent approach me and ask if he had been held back the previous year -- "was that why they moved him?" I just said no.

There probably could have been more planning -- to some extent we all winged it. But, in a way, that made the entire experience less stressful as our attitude was "here's this wonderful opportunity-- look at all this interesting work -- let's just give it a try." We (parents and teacher) definitely kept the focus off achievement and on engagement. That seemed to help the transition a lot.

One added bonus -- the child didn't have time to stress about the situation over the summer. Anticipation is his enemy. Action is his friend.

Good Luck!

Good point. If you do choose to skip mid-year, ask the teachers not to say anything about it - just fade out before the break, and 'This is your New Classmate George' when he enters the new classroom.

Given that this will be a gifted classroom, there is a good chance that the social interaction will be better than before the skip. If possible, set up some playdates with boys from the class he'll be entering now, and then see how fast your son changes his mind about wanting to go to school with his new friends. Once your son is convinced, then DH will be easier to persuade.

Smiles,
Grinity

When my DS changed schools mid-year, the teacher told the class the day before, which worked out well. DS's classmates had an opportunity to say good-bye, and to give him little notes. One girl gave him a very special and thoughtful little goodbye gift. I think it was good in our situation for the kids to be able to say their goodbyes. I think it will probably depend on your kiddo's personality whether you want to ask the teacher to make a big deal, no deal, or something in between, out of any mid-year skip.