Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion How to extricate myself.

A friend of mine asked if she could have a friend of hers call me regarding advice on her son who she believes is gifted. I agreed.

Two months later, I can't make her leave me alone! I know it sounds callous, but i've given her every piece of info I have. Every website, list and advocation technique I have. She is already making plans to move to Reno so her son can go to DA. Her son is 6, has not been tested and in my opinion probably won't qualify.

She is a nice person but she is driving me nuts! How do I nicely tell her that there is more in life thatn this and her complete attachment to this subject is driving people away?

Psst..(pass this note)

The book "your child's strength" finally helped me see why and how your child's passions matter. �It's not about, "oh. �He liked studying dinosaurs and now he's really into NOVA," so science is his passion. �It's not about, "he learns math really fast or picked up reading really young so that's his strength." �It's about seeing something energize and strengthen him by doing it. �It's about looking for things to do that make him feel energized, not drained, then looking for more.. Lighting a fire.

I like the thought of DA Reno. �Is it the only option? �Los Angeles is the land of opportunity. �There's s'posed to be a lot of good HG charter options in Ca. �Beyond that there's a lot of creative HG people living in Los Angeles doing interesting things with their lives that could provide HG young adults with a variety of good career options. �NYC has some very good exclusive HG schools. �We keep reading about how the good NYC preschool feeds into the good NYC highschool which feed into the Ivy Leagues. �Go read college confidential, apparently a good HG from a small pond can make it to the IVY leagues. �My god-parents son lived in upstate NY. �He buckled down in 11th and 12th grade and earned straight A+'s. �He got scholarships to Yale and Harvard. �

The interesting thing about Reno Davidson seems to be that kids �are doing advanced rigorous work and they have kids as their classmates. �(!) �Don't get me wrong, I think the highschool reunions at DA Reno will be full of stories of interesting lives. �But you see mostly people on this board who find options, create options. �The most practical opportunity that I've read about is hiring a college student as a private tutor. �Although I do understand your friend's eagerness to get her nerdlet around other prodigious progeny. The most important thing is our family relationship between our children and us. �After that, the world is your oyster. �Recommend Grinnity's "The Nurtured Heart Approach Workbook" by Howard Glassner. �It's important that the kids know we notice what they're doing, not just at their peaks or when they're misbehaving. �Keep that in mind with an intense child who impresses you, and frustrates you, and excites you. �

(end note)

Maybe if you insist to her that she get her son tested ASAP, and she discovers he's not so highly gifted, she'll drop this as a hobby? And since you no longer have this in common, she will go away.

Will your mutual friend be upset with you if you were to very gently explain to the crazy woman that you have nothing left to offer her, and she should consult online resources such as Davidson and Hoagies for any further needs she might have?

Sorry for the run-on sentences, it's 1:30 am.

Well, assuming this board was one of the resources you shared, presumably she now knows how you feel :-)

I agree with doclori's advice: tell her to get her child tested.

Tell her that really it is the "Professionals" who ultimately make the decisions about LOG and where your child be placed. Without "official testing" results, the child will not qualify for anything. You don't get into Gifted programs because Mom or the Friend of a Friend thinks the child is gifted.

Well, she sounds like an intense person. I think 2 months is quite early in to an 'enrichment topic' to calm down about it.

I wouldn't worry so much about the topic of her passion, just about how much time and energy you personally want to put into it. So don't pick up the phone, when you do start the conversation with how busy you are and don't have time right now, limit your in person visits to the frequency and amount of time you feel comfortable with. It's perfectly possible to set limits in a kind and polite way (and I should know because plenty of people have done it to me )

I would encourage her to reach out to other parents of gifted kids, perhaps through a SENG model parenting group.

Her son is certainly old enough for a WISC and application to DYS. Frankly it seems possible to me that her son is 'way way less gifted' than your son and would still qualify or be near to qualifying to DYS, yes? Does she have an appointment?

Best Wishes,
Grinity

This is some advice I learned from a dear elderly friend about how to extricate yourself from just about anything.

Tell her that as honored as feel that she has placed her confidence in your advice, that you are beginning to understand that your level of expertise is insufficient to meet her needs, and then have handy the name of a professional for her to reach out to. Then each time she pushes you to engage, politely decline and repeat that you just don't feel qualified and wouldn't want to steer her wrong and then change the subject.

This works well for folks who want to use you as a release valve for their problems or worries so that they get relief enough to not actually act on a path towards a solution for their problem.

I'm thinking there's a reason that your friend referred her on to you that goes beyond your knowledge of parenting a gifted child

Seriously, I love ABQmom's advice

polarbear

Grins..... While I understand that my DS is a different animal indeed, the only thing i've seen exhibited by this child is that he is an early reader. I've spent a lot of time with him and I don't see it.

You are all right though, I need to start pushing her to test and maybe everything will take care of itself.