Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Son loves school friends, not curriculum

Help! I have a complicated 7yo boy in 3rd grade at a public school. He has tested all over the map, from 99.9th percentile for verbal reasoning, to 50th percentile for processing speed (Wechsler). He has mild ADD and is also depressed, which his shrink thinks is partly biological/hereditary and partly because he is so bored at school. DS has spontaneously complained to me that the stuff he learns at school he already learned when he was 3 or 4. He does do an outside Russian Math school where he happily does algebra, but at school there is no ability grouping and they won't do acceleration. Here's the thing, though: he has great friends at school, and he needs their support to feel secure. He loves gym and sports. Is there a way to combine outside/home schooling with public school specials? Or should I just find an amazing private school and hope he can create a whole new set of friends there? Any ideas?

Well, fwiw, we have a very similar ds - similar in terms of IQ scores, but tends more to anxiety than depression. DS was also in an elementary school that didn't accelerate or meet ds' academic abilities so we chose to supplement outside and focus on giving him opportunities to follow his own lead on interests and creative thinking etc (outside of school). We didn't realize how bored ds was at school until he was in 5th grade and had developed a really negative attitude and hopeless attitude about school, and given that, I think in hindsight we would have chosen to change his school at a much earlier age. We were hesitant to make the change when he was younger simply because he didn't want to and he had friends at his school - he is a semi-shy kid who didn't have a wide circle of friends and we worried a lot about him struggling with finding new friends and losing contact with his old friends whom he'd been with since kindergarten.

He asked to switch school this year (6th grade)because of the boredom factor, and he's now in a private school with a higher level of general overall academic challenge plus teachers willing to differentiate, and he's soooo so much happier - and in that happier place, he's had a much easier time finding friends.

I've never heard of Russian Math - that sounds interesting!

polarbear

It really depends on where you live. In Florida we have the "Tim Tebow Law", which requires secondary schools to allow homeschoolers to participate in extracurriculars and interscholastic sports and to allow homeschooled students to enroll part-time in "specials" at the school that they would ordinarily attend if enrolled in the district, and permits elementary schools to do the same. So drama, sports teams, chorus, etc. are available to homeschoolers here.

Thanks for sharing your story, polarbear. It sounds as though your son is quite similar to ours and we have taken a similar approach, with similar results. Maybe a private school that will differentiate is the answer for us, too. It's kind of sad, as we live in an area (a town housing many kids of Harvard and MIT professors) where there are a lot of really bright kids, and DS notes that he is not the only one who is bored. It may be, though, that he is in more desperate need of optimizing his environment as he is prone to frustration and depression.

(The Russian School of Mathematics is a great thing for him. It has branches in several states, I believe.)

aculady, thanks very much for your input. I'll have to look into the laws in Massachusetts to see whether DS could enroll in specials if homeschooled. The very idea of homeschooling makes me weep, but if he could at least join the throng sometimes, maybe it would work.

I have been researching home schooling here in va for the past couple of days since ds agreed this would work better for him although he'd miss seeing his friends on the bus and at lunch. He realized he only sees one of them at lunch and the others are in other classes, or completely different grades and never sees them at all.

I was surprised to find he might possibly be able to attend the p.e. class and even take the bus home if I drop him off for that (partial attendance). I don't think we'll bother with that, it would probably be better to just continue with the athletic activities he does outside school already.

I need to look into home schooling groups, I guess.

I also hesitated to pull my somewhat stoic, emo, loner 8yo DD out of her very small, close school this year, but in the end, I let HER chose and she chose to leave. When she finally said "I feel different" and we realized she wouldn't really miss anyone who wasn't in her Girl Scout troop AND she was willing to give up Spirit Week, including Halloween (her fav holiday)...well, that was it.

And it's been ALL different since!

We still see alot of the old classmates, our Girl Scout troop meets after school at the old school and I'm the leader, lol!

Our "new school" is actually an independent study program with one optional classroom day a week and plenty of other classes and clubs to participate in...in fact, Butter was accepted into the Drawing class (6th gr +)so she will have art for THREE HOURS on Friday am! My point is maybe youhave something like this, or like chris is saying, homeschool groups and co-ops.

I'm not sure if it's ok to post a link to an outside group? Google "gifted homeschoolers forum"

We went through the same thing with DS8. He was bordering on depression with a healthy dose of anxiety thrown in. He'd been asking for homeschooling for a couple years and I was really looking into it. I realized after seeing what 2giftedgirls went through with her precious Butter that things wouldn't get better. (they were classmates). DH was concerned that DS and I would butt heads over homeschooling and honestly so was I. We found a wonderful private school for him and while it's a stretch for us financially we are determined to make it work. He's only been there for a week (then a week off for holiday) but I already see a difference. He doesn't beg to stay home.
I wish you much luck & clarity of vision as you start a journey of what's next.