Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional 2E-Just talking this through.

My 4yo son is in the same class with the same teacher this year that my 6yo daughter was in last year. So, the teacher knows my daughter well and is familiar with our family.

We've known that our ds was bright. However, we've also known that he was born with brain damage, almost no hearing in one ear, and more than a few quirks. At conferences last week, the teacher said that there is no doubt in her mind that he is gifted. ACK!

To top that off, ds is a coaster. We know he knows things that he won't directly admit to us. (i.e. Reading signs from the backseat or answering his sisters math problems when we quiz her out loud for her homework.) He's also on the lazy side. I can hardly get him to raise his hands over his head so I can take his shirt off, nevermind thinking about him actually dressing himself. (Heresy, he says!)

What do you wish you had known about 2E from the get go? It's going to be a strange trip, I think. Especially since we're raising an optimally-gifted, line-toeing, oldest girl as well.

I wish I had known that 2e is not widely accepted. I say that because we were told that "2e is a phrase used to appease parents who believe their kid is somehow not really LD."

I wish I had known that my debating skills should have been kept polished and at the ready for IEP meetings.

I wish I had learned more about SpEd law and such before electing to live here before the kids started school.

I wish there was some real accountability with the school, that the teaching looked as great in the classroom as it does on paper.

I wish I had known that the issues with my son change year to year (sometimes month to month). (I think this is similar to what eema posted about "dealing successfully with ADHD would not be the end of the issues." For us, we have progressed so far...from a non-verbal 3 year old to a PG 8 year old and it is hard for me as a parent to keep up with the changes. I can't even imagine what it is like for the teachers in the school! The teachers think they have him figured out...and he turns around and does something completely unexpected. That is when we get the call or the meeting question, "Is there something going on at home?" Now I know enough to confidently explain to them that there are always going to be unexpected changes. It is a roller coaster, so don't settle in for a cruise.

I wish I'd known that what looked like "lazy" (as in refusing to do homework, refusing to get dressed, etc) wasn't lazy at all, that instead they were red flags for a hidden disability. I wish I hadn't automatically assumed that his quirky behaviors (what looked like perfectionism and disinterest etc) and that someone had thought to suggest I look at a few lists of typical symptoms of learning disorders instead of everyone being so awed by ds' verbal output that we were all only looking at lists of traits of high-IQ kids. Oddly enough those special "quirks" can appear on both lists!

What I really wish is that there was more input from his pediatrician at an early age. We filled out those "Denver" developmental surveys at all our well-child checks and all seemed to be fine, but in hindsight after having been through developmental questions when his disability was diagnosed, it seems like there are more than a few developmental questions that could/should have been asked earlier on. (DS has developmental coordination disorder). Your note about your ds not wanting to dress himself brings that to mind. Our ds hated to dress himself, seemed like he was just not trying etc - it took a neuropsych eval in 2nd grade before we realized he had fine motor difficulties and really was having a hard time trying to do those type of tasks.

I also wish I'd spoken up more in advocating for him for gifted services at school. Our school district is not exactly accommodating, and I'm not a contentious person by nature. I've had to really step outside of my personality in learning to effectively advocate for our ds.

polarbear

I'm just the opposite! I have been described as very intimidating - not sure why since I think of myself as a big, fluffy teddybear. I guess it's because I have a big vocabulary and I am not afraid to use it Anyway, I wish that I hadn't stopped myself from speaking up more forcefully because I didn't want to be seen as "that parent." I wish I had insisted on a fine motor evaluation earlier instead of being put off by my pediatrician for more than 3 years. I wish I had yanked her out of her first classroom and threatened to sue the pants off the place the first time her teacher punished her for having a disability last year. I wish I had listened to the advice of literally every person I know and transferred her to my local school district as soon as she started to shut down and show the first signs of anxiety.

I know my child better than anyone else. As much as I don't want to alienate people who will be working with her I have to risk it when I see something isn't working the way it should.

I wish I hadn't been lulled into denial by his obvious brilliance, dismissing early warning bells that could have meant early intervention if they hadn't been dismissed as darling quirks.

Kids who are deaf or hearing impaired in one ear are 10 times more likely to fail a grade. Hearing loss can mimic (or perhaps even cause) ADD/ADHD. Can you do anything to support his hearing? Make sure you get an IEP for him and have him sit in the front of the class.
My son is deaf in one ear but he can wear a hearing aid.