Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How do you respond?

Hi all,

I was recently having a conversation with a Prof. who has taken an interest in my son. He wanted to know "Where he got it" (giftedness) and asked what I do (stay at home mom) and what my husband does (restaurant manager). After hearing my answers he said, "Oh, then he's a fluke". I didn't know how to reply to that, and was a little offended.

It only occured to me later that I could have mentioned that I was in the gifted program when I was a child. I guess I'd had it impressed so strongly upon me while I was growing up that one doesn't toot one's own horn that I'm always at a loss when someone asks that particular question.

So I'm curious... how do you answer that question? "Where does your DS/DD get it?"

well, that was rude of him. and judgemental. I'm not sure I'd let my child be around someone like that.

I understand it is possible for two people who are not gifted to have a gifted child, though I suspect at least one parent always is and no one ever knew...it does show a genetic tendancy I hear.

But I don't know what your and your DH's jobs have to do with anything. Just because I COULD be a microbiologist doesn't mean I want to work 80 hours a week outside the home, in a lab...I CHOSE to work around my children. I think raising them and helping them to succeed is the most important job I have.

I probably would have asked him what the heck he meant by that. Then he would have realized what a maroon and stammered...at least I hope...

Choice of profession and university attended are generally used as IQ proxies.

However, these days, the ability to fund a SAHMs comfortably is generally indicative of higher wealth and, therefore, as a proxy, higher IQ.

You give him a bawdy wink and tell him it was your mailman.

Ha! Yes, that was incredibly rude of him! I'm afraid I would have responded rather rudely, myself. Something sarcastic like, "yes, isn't it amazing, since the rest of us are idiots?"

As mentioned above, what you CAN do and what you do are not the same thing -- reminds me of a friend of mine who had a PhD in psychology, and preferred to work at the 7-11. He said it was a great place to study people.

the school of life has very valuable lessons to teach

Can't say I am impressed with most professors. Most have very little knowledge outside of their expertise and would fold in a heartbeat in a real world get it done environment. They live in a world of extreme certainty and nearly perfect information.

Quite the opposite of managers and senior executives who have to constantly measure and track and investigate and who must deal with people - who are very complex.

Larger restaurants with 100+ tables and 50+ staff are extremely complex entities. I doubt many professors could do it.

"No, he is a little boy. A fluke is a parasite who insinuates itself where it does not belong."

I would have asked him what he meant by that, but it wouldn't have been the first person I would have had to roll my eyes at later on for being a not so bright-bright person who sticks their foot in their mouth.
Assumptions happen all over the place though, I experience it regularily being a SAHM when dealing with public school educators. They assume they need to talk to me like I'm 10 so I'll understand, when really I hold several more degrees than they do

I think when your kid is outside the norm you get it no matter what. DH and I have "acceptable" professions for gifted people and went to prestigious colleges so people think we are obsessive tiger parents who have been flash carding their kid since birth, possibly even before. It's not that it's genetics or luck or a fluke, it's that we are mean, bad parents. I think it's any way they can explain how it's not their kid.

But rude is still rude. My father in law loves to couch rude in "I wasn't expecting that" as in, I wasn't expecting you to look so nice" (said to me on my wedding day), or I didn't expect you to be good with babies (when the first grandchild, my nephew preferred me to him). Personally I love to respond with the playing dumb deadpan sort of response, oh what do you mean? Although the fluke is parasite comment was good LOL!

DeHe

Well, that is incredibly rude!

I will say that, as a university professor myself, I can attest to the fact that most profs are severely lacking in social skills (not me of course! ;))and many come from privileged backgrounds with very little real world experience (although this is slightly less true than in previous eras). I had one prof in grad school who had attended that private university from kindergarten (they have a lab school) through PhD, then worked there his entire career and was close to retirement. The ultimate ivory tower experience. Seriously.