Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Sneaky little sisters...

Okay, so DD9 was identified as HG in second grade, at age 7. By that time, we were having major school issues, which have improved greatly in the past two years with appropriate instruction. We have done some subject acceleration, but wish we had done a grade skip EARLY. We aren't doing one now because she would be switching buildings, etc., but one is on the table for next year.

Along comes little sister, who seems SO much more comfortable in her own skin. She also has seemed more developmentally normal for her age. She is 5 and just started K. She was reading a little, sounding out letters, probably 4 months or so before K started. But mainly, she seems so much more social and playful, that I just assumed she was probably not as far out there as big sis.

Well, now I'm beginning to think she is sneaky. On all of her K tests she has been high/average, but not big time advanced. She counts to 64 (on her report card), knows her ABC's, etc., but nothing crazy on her tests. So, on the Kindergarten pre-reading, pre-math screening stuff, she looks pretty average. A few days ago, she told DH that 99+99=198, and went on to explain that 99 is one less than 100, so she figured it out that way... Then last night, she started rattling off some simple multiplication, which we had no idea she understood. She said, "2X3 means two threes, Daddy, so it would be 6, or just like 3+3."

Has anyone had experience with Kindergarteners looking average on the Kindergarten screening stuff (ABC's and 123's) when they are capable of doing more complicated stuff?

We were planning on having her tested at age 7. The psychologist said once one child comes out as high as DD9, we should test siblings. Should we do it sooner? I just wish we had done things differently with our older DD earlier on. She had a very hard second grade year that could have been avoided.

Thanks for your advice-

in our case, DD8 had a test when she was 2.5 that revealed her to be "at least" 2 deviations above normal. Last years District administered tests confirm this but we are also going for private testing because the score was so high. We have had a terrible time with school and are leaving our current school...I would not have put DD in kinder at 4 (she turned 5 the second day), but wish we could have skipped first grade, which I now believe really damaged her. I believe she is at least a full grade level above her peers, especially if you don't have dedicated GATE classes and that if she had the same second grade teacher a year earlier, it would have made a WORLD of difference...

DD4.5 is similar to what you are describing with your second, social, outgoing, excitable, jubilant and full of energy, where DD#1 is more like "emo" (yes, it started at 2, btw). DD4.5 has not demonstrated the desire to read on her own, but we just placed her in an academic based preK/K (it will be our choice to place her in first or kinder next year, she will be 5.5 on the first day of school) and the teacher says she knew all the words they wrote on the board and that they counted together to 100, DD was able to give me a full account of her day and had a BLAST doing the homework, which was very similar to what DD#1 did in public kinder.
If I were you, if you have the resources, test privately and start looking at enrichments. I don't know how your school/District is, but our school is driving me up the wall, not recognizing that gifted is gifted, it doesn't start at 3rd grade and I think my DD#1 picked up many bad habits and inappropriate coping mechanisms, especially in first grade, when what she probably really needs is a more stimulating environment. I think the sooner you find out what she needs, the sooner you will be able to give it to her and that will make life better for everyone

Thanks- I think we probably should move forward with testing soon. I suspect that dd5 is most likely very similar to her sister. We don't know what "normal" child development is in our house!

I'll be very curious to see how this turns out for you!

We may have a similar situation except with boys in our house. Older brother (DS8) tested HG, DS5 flying under the radar. I'd been thinking that he was just your average happy go lucky kindergardener, but am now starting to wonder if maybe my perspective on what kids achieve at what age is skewed. He wasn't as interested in reading before school started as his older brother was, but has much better social skills that DS8 did at that age. DS5 now seems to be picking things up suddenly... counting by 3's, 5's, 10's and then using his fingers while counting to tell me that 5x7=35. He's also finally started picking up books on his own and reading them to himself--nothing crazy, "Hop on Pop" and the like. I don't know if it's remarkable or not. Hard to tell what's normal anymore! (Although I did have a "mom friend" say that kids aren't really reading till the end of 1st grade. Not sure if it's true, but thought you might like to know)

I wonder how many younger ones don't demonstrate ability as much? How many are more sociable (possibly due to being dragged along to all of the older sibling's places/events since birth)?

Keep us posted, please!

Skssftly-that is true about first grade an reading, from what I understand. Apparently they do not all learn to read before entering kinder and they don't have to read well to pass to 1st grade. I was really surprised by that. Actually, my step mom used to be a kindergarden teacher and DD's former kinder teacher verifies that as many as half of them aren't reading fluently when they leave kinder, they don't know shapes, colors, some can't even count to 10 and don't actually know all the letters of the alphabet (especially the infrequently used ones).
No wonder DD#1 wasn't opening up to me. She can't trust me and probably thinks I'm a moron for leaving her in that class of unstimulating "babies" who can't read, lol!

I figure it takes time to learn to identify and express your feelings, just like it takes time to learn any new skill. Be gratefull you have girls! I'm still having a hard time getting DS8 to answer questions. I get a lot of, "I don't know"'s or "I forgot"'s. I have to wait for that magic moment when his guard is down and there's nothing else to distract him, then sidle up to it sideways.

I wish there was some kind of scale score chart that showed what kids accomplish when. I'm one of those who likes to see measurements so I know what I'm dealing with. Just like, say, I'd like to know exactally how much air to put in my tires (what's too little and what's too much--I only mention because I have a leaky one right now) I like to know where my kids fit so I can know how to help them.

I had thought that maybe the delay in reading at our school was maybe due to so many languages being spoken. I really think kids in general are capable of more than that. It feels like they set the bar so low!

We have a sneaky DD5 too . . . seems like a perfectly average, happy-go-lucky little girl with no particular aptitude for much . . . and happened to score 148 on her WPPSI.

She's perfectly happy in her non-gifted K class, making friends. Just keeping a close eye out for boredom/etc.

I think you should test sooner rather than later. Nobody here on this board has any idea what "average" looks like, and we compare siblings to the most "obviously" brilliant child.

Yeah. What she said.

I really try not to compare the two... But it is hard when you have no point of reference for average development. Their personalities are polar opposite, which muddies the water even more. Dd5 is so easy going, when compared to her extremely intense sister. We did a kid personality survey once though, and they both scored in the "spirited" range, even though we see dd5 as being a lot easier to parent. Maybe she just hasn't had as much time to show us all of her spunk!

I just stop laughing Momtogirls! I swear you live in MY house!!! Except DD8 has already learned to be stoic and was always more tolerant and easy going. She hides her intensity and it comes out in bursts, usually at school as some inappropriate behavior *sigh* DD4.5 was my constant crier. I used to take her to a drop n shop and this one poor young man would have to wear her in a Baby Bjorn the WHOLE 3 hours! Sometime between 2 and 3, if you ever disagreed with or denied her something, this child with a huge vocab for her age would literally just SCREAM in your face!
They are both intense, just in different ways. Two kids can have the same or similar test scores but still be miles apart in personality and what works for them.

Skssftly-I don't think it's a boy girl thing so much. We have a friend who's son is very forthcoming with his emotions and expressing his sadness or displeasure at school. He's never hid that from his mom. My DD8 has literally JUST started opening up to me in the past couple of weeks, probably since she is starting to believe me that I am fighting for her and listening to her...I think I finally just asked her enough questions that she feels I really AM interested. Have you tried asking him to draw or relate the feelings to you in a way he might be more comfortable with?