Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school My Son the Clam

We have our son in a typical preschool. He's there mainly for "socialization" and to learn to listen to other adults.

I've noticed since he's been going, that when I pick him up and ask him about his day, he is mute. Even if I know what he did, he will either say "I don't know" or just clam up.

Today, in front of the teacher, he said nothing when she was talking about a project they had done earlier. Parts of it involved things he has known since he was two, yet when she "quizzed" him on it to help him to share it with me, he just stood there. I bit my tongue, but wanted to say, "You know that...answer her."

Is this how the whole self-enforced dumbing down starts? Will he be without answers when it counts (tests)? How do I explain he knows something the teacher has asked when he just stands there with a blank look?

Some kids just don't like to perform. Mine didn't talk much in that situation, either.

my DD8, has always been "quieter" and I guess you might even say withdrawn. Even in a group of friends...she just does better one on one or two...she also prefers jeans and tshirts...like she would just prefer to not be noticed. She doesn't like to "perform" and now that she's older, it's obvious to me that it's about relationships and who she feels more comfortable with.

He IS still a preschooler, after all...remember, he needs to know that you love him for him, not maybe what he can do (not that I am saying YOU do that, just something I read recently about self esteem). Sometimes we unconciously put more pressure than we realize on them, you know?

My DD was and STILL IS like that, not very forthcoming unless something REALLY exciting happened...and it better be REALLY exciting, kwim?

On the other hand, my DD4.5 can rattle off in minute detail every moment of the 6 hours I wasn't with her *sigh*

My dd is like this too. I've found that if I just ask her how her day was when I pick her up and then wait until bedtime and ask her more she opens right up! Once she is tired her tongue loosens right up and I can hardly keep up!

My son also claims he doesn't know what he did at pre-school. It's difficult to get anything out of him about it at all. Also, when people ask him questions he often turns to me and says 'you say', even when it's something he is quite sure about.

2giftgirls, that's interesting about your daughter not wanting to be noticed because I've recently realised that I am quite like that myself. I am also not very forthcoming unless I know people very well and I've had colleagues comment on how polite and reserved I was when they first knew me. I don't think they are saying I've become ruder though.

I think this is very, very common among young kids. Both of my boys, who are very articulate, can never tell me what they did today. The first grade teacher suggested I ask specific things like, "did you do art today? What did you read in the reading group today?"

Given my own son's experience of deeply resenting spending hours and hours of time with preschool teachers who treated him as though he was incapable of doing the simplest tasks, and expected him to be 'thrilled' with 'age-appropriate' investigation, I have to ask, do you really want him to 'learn' to 'listen' to adults who are so in the dark about who he is as a person?

I think he's already showing with his behavior that he has learned all he needs to learn about being unseen by important adults.

If you have to have him in preschool for family sanity or to earn a living, then do what you need to do. But if you are trying to teach him to get along with peer and take orders from adults, I advise to try to find mental-peers and adults who get him.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

When DD gets in the car after preschool, I begin the ride by telling her all the (pretty mundane) things I did while she was gone. She will share with me when she is ready. I learned very quickly that she did not appreciate 20 questions upon pickup. Not at all.

As far as clamming up in front of others. I thought that was pretty normal. We are lucky if we get 25% normal output from our three-year-old out in public.

Yesterday I took my son to a story-time at the library, where they read Goldilocks and the Three Bears, and then performed a play with the librarian. There were only two other (younger)children there, but my son refused to say any lines at all. He just clung to my leg with his hands in his mouth. It didn't bother anyone at all... and of course, I don't mind him being bashful once in a while (because he isn't usually) -- but I have to say, it did make me wonder about him starting school.

Our family doctor mentioned some time ago that my son might do well skipping kindergarten when the times comes. Following the advice of others I recently contacted the education assitant for our state to inquire about kindergartens for a potentially gifted child, to get advice on testing and things of that nature... I'm wondering now if him clamming up like that is a sign that he wouldn't be socially ready to start school early or to jump grades at all. (Which, of course, is absolutely fine, if that's the case.)

My husband said that he'd probably be the loudest one there if we weren't in the room to cling to. Any thoughts?

ITA with jack's mom about asking specific questions. Did you have art? What did you make in art? Did your teacher read a story to you? What was it about? Who did you play with at recess? What did you play?

But I don't bombard them all at once either I just sprinkle the questions through the rest of our day. I have also found bedtime to be a good time for real conversation and my ODS will tell me about things he is worried or upset about then.

And Astucky86, I wouldn't worry yet about your DS not being ready for kinder socially. There is still time. Even if he is going next fall, you will be amazed at how much growth occurs in one year. MY 2nd DS, now 5 and in kinder, was alot like yours up until about 4 1/2 and then suddenly he got a lot less clingy and quiet in public. He is still on the quiet side, but is doing fine in kinder.