Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Sex Ed discussions

Honestly, I can't imagine it, no, but maybe that's just my little kid! I've always talked about it as a thing grown up people do. More generally, while in our house we're quite comfortable with nudity, we make explicit the point that some parts of the body are more private than others, and that it's not right for anyone to touch a private part of someone else, or touch someone with one of theirs, unless they're sure both people are completely comfortable with it. I think this is important to make clear to maximise the chance that if anyone tries to abuse your child sexually, the child knows that what's being done is definitely wrong. I also think it has a role in discouraging exploration - or at any rate, any exploration I'd worry about!

I have also had the experience, now partially erased from my memory, of DS then aged ?5? asking very loudly in a restaurant lavatory "How do people catch AIDS Mummy?" Yes, I explained.

I have an academic book on my shelf entitled Child Sexuality. One of the most interesting papers in it is, if I remember rightly, a comparative study of adult attitudes to children's sexuality done in the US and in the Netherlands. You just exemplified what they found: American adults insist desperately that there's no such thing as childhood sexuality. Hint: the rest of the book is about this non-existent thing :-)

Pretty much all the research shows the opposite. When parents talk to kids about sex these kids are more likely to postpone sexual activity and to behave more responsibly when they are sexually active.

When you refuse to answer a child's questions it doesn't make a child less curious or less likely to have questions. If anything, it may increase the child's curiosity because you are acting secretive. Kids will still seek out other sources of information - it might be inaccurate information from friends or from wildly inappropriate information and images found online.

To me it seems silly to suggest that young children can't understand the basics of reproduction. Kids on farms have always had this information and took it simply as a part of life. Many parents here have shared this information with their young kids and didn't find it lead to the kids engaging inappropriate experimentation. Rather it was the beginning of parents establishing that they are reliable sources of information.

Also, I think it is worth a mention of the sad reality that for many people their first sexual contact in life isn't wanted or voluntary. Making sure children have basic information about anatomy, the Internet, and privacy is something that every parent should take seriously. We can't prevent all bad things from happening, but making sure kids know basic information and know they can talk to us is a good place to start.

How babies are made, when she was just over 3, because it had some relevance to her life. She wasn't made in the traditional way, so I think we didn't get to p-in-v until she got It's Not the Stork, and that was when she was 6.5yo.

I don't think that a 4yo is too young. Kids just gloss over a lot of stuff they aren't ready for. DD (who thinks everything sexual is the most disgusting thing she's ever heard) has only in the last 6 months started saying "ewww" to sexual comments on TV / in movies, even though she's been exposed to them longer than that.

Yes, exactly. I find an odd contradiction in some of what is being said here. On the one hand we are hearing kids aren't sexual beings but on the other that with any information they instantly become sex charged demons getting it on during playdates.

thanks have ordered the book.

I do want to answer him the next time he asks, but I want to be able to do it in a factual way. I don't think he is ready for the emotional side of things. I am leaning towards pointing out that it's only something Adults do, preferably married ones with someone that they love and also wants a baby...

Now you're just being ridiculous, because nobody said any such thing.

Ideally these conversations happen in little bits here and there over the years. So, don't worry that you have to cover it all in one shot - you'll do fine.

My older DD was about 6 when we had the conversation on the "mechanics".... she replied, "And people LIKE to do this?"...holding back laughter, I said...not until you are much older! she said, "Oh when I learn to like wine?" lol

Mamabear -

very insightful DD!

Madoosa - That is how I am going to approach it. Like wine/beer, going to work, driving -- some things are for when a person is older/able to make responsible choices/an adult.

- EW