Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy First time meeting with teacher / principal

I thought this might be a good place to discuss first meetings with a school and / or teacher. I will be speaking with my DD5's kindergarten teacher on Monday and I am nervous about saying and doing anything that will work against us. We have an educational consultant who strongly identifies our DD as gifted and sees all of her "issues" as gifted related and is able to come to school meetings, but is just not available at the day and time they offered. Would you go in by yourself and then reschedule, or wait until the psychologist could attend a meeting with you?

Is anyone else approaching a school for the first time soon?

I don't use the G word very often,but the psychologist does so frequently. I made the mistake of accidentally using it the other day with a mom I met and I saw her close off, freeze up, and get uncomfortable. I swear I will never say it in regular company again. It just slipped out while we were talking about ADHD like behaviors of our children. I don't want the teacher to shut down if I bring up her "advanced abilities." I'd rather it come from someone else. We do have testing and I hope that speaks for itself. My biggest concerns are about her over-excitabilities.

Anyone have any experiences to share related to meeting with teachers and schools?

TIA

I think you can't ever go wrong doing a visit to 'build relationship' with the teacher. Consider if she were your new college roomate (perhaps prison roomate is a better analogy) - you would want to spend time listening to her and getting to know what makes her excited and what makes her frustrated - what inspires her and what she doesn't have any attention for. Listen for use of certian analogies, or sensory systems - does this teacher 'see your point' or 'hear what you are saying' or 'get you?' - try answering in kind. Seems hoaky but can't hurt. This will help you prep your DD for how best to win teacher's heart. You don't have to say anything about DD - just demonstrating that you can listen well, and be supportive of the teacher will go a long way.

I you want to share - a little - try and come up with an 'elevator speech' that frames your dd's impatients and exactitude in a positive light with a little story- something like -
"Well, i am a little worried about X, because she is so Y (positive quality) that she goes over board and did Z, which irritated people because they didn't know where she was coming from."

If you want to share even more, then bring in the writing samples and math worksheets in her own handwriting, and say: "Do you mind taking a look at these - it's embarassing, but she does these for fun sometimes, I think it might be a bit unusual....but I hope not. What do you think?"

I think that will be enough. I agree, no 'G' word. It's always better for the teacher to 'discover' the difference for herself - but one does have to lead the horse to water, and remember that no one can make her drink.

(I use prayer and deep breathing for the 'make her drink' problems in life, but no idea in the world if it actually helps or just keeps me occupied.)

Love and More Love,
Grinity

TT
I am right there with you. I think the hardest part in these things is that you dont want your kid to suffer because the teacher/parent/dr thinks you are one of "those" parents. I guess my question is what do you what from the teacher, what do you want her to do and to not do. If you feel your view won't be respected then I would wait for your consultant. I want the teacher to see my DS herself first before I go in so that she will have a perspective which I can either challenge or agree with! But if you feel there will be issues that need to be addressed immediately than you probably want to offer suggestions. I've not done it either so take this with a grain of salt but my impression from others here is that until they see what you see its hard to get the idea across that special stuff is needed, coming with an outside expert does that but maybe holding that person in reserve gives you more options.

Good luck!

DeHe

Thanks. I had planned on waiting until after school started, but I met with the psychologist last week and she urged me to drop off the report and to meet with her teacher. Now I am wondering if I should have waited. My DD can be very silly and get easily over-stimulated and then starts to look very ADHD, so I mostly wanted to talk a little about her sensory issues and that feels "safe." The psychologist will say GIFTED GIFTED GIFTED and that makes me a little nervous. I wish I didn't have to walk on eggshells.

Good Luck, DeHe. What is your son's personality like?

Thanks as always, Grinity. You always have a unique slant on things.

We had a very successful meeting with the kindergarten teachers back in May. They asked all the parents to submit a student profile. We typed ours out on a separate paper (instead of their form) since we needed paragraphs, not sentences to explain our daughter (strengths, weaknesses, and concerns). We also submitted a note from the developmental psychologist that mentioned the words "exceptionally gifted" and included a recommendation that she skip K. We also arranged a meeting and brought in a portfolio of her work. I felt that the teachers were very receptive and they assured us that they would be able to meet our DD needs in the K classroom using the Montessori methods and classroom structure.

Actually, I was not interested in having her skip because I felt she needs the emotional support that the Kindy would provide, and that the ages 6-9 teachers/students wouldn't have patience for her since she's very young in a lot of ways. She ended up getting placed with a newly-hired teacher who was not at that meeting, but the teacher had read the profile. Before school, there was a parent work-day and I had an opportunity to tell her about the "anger" issues that had started during the summer. I think that she really appreciated the "heads up". It did feel strange to be making such a big deal to teachers before school starts, and I was unsure about what was prudent to share and what was not. It really helped to write everything out before hand and to bring in the portfolio.

Interesting question and hard to quantify. He is rather mixed! He is a voracious quester
for knowledge. He is always reading, looking, investigating or thinking or he is pretending and making up elaborate worlds. And he thinks about such interesting things and makes really neat connections. He is afraid of lots of things but is getting better, hates loud noises likes crowds or magic shows. He gets lost in his head to the extent that he walked in front of the swings 4 times in about 20 minutes last weekend and he was not being defiant. In social settings he is first reserved, he has to warm up, but likes being social. He is very attuned to others yet not terribly empathetic. Loves adults, especially teachers. He's a rule follower and well behaved but can be uber stubborn. With kids, he plays great with older kids, like his cousins, but gets bored easily with age-mates, then gets very bossy and directive. I told him once that being friends meant the other person got to do what they wanted some of the time and he said totally seriously that what they wanted to do was never interesting. Pre-k was such a poor fit! He also seems to have some "godfather" in him, in that he was reluctant to let kids who had wronged him have a second chance and wanted revenge. Not for petty things but big things, like the girls who told him he couldn't play with them. He is never offensive, doesn't hit or is mean, but in defense was incredibly persistent. He was damaged in ways we could not have imagined by these mean little girls. He's got some quirks, like not liking tags, he can't stay on the chair during dinner but he can really concentrate when its something he is interested in - and he somehow loses his hearing at those times too! He paces when he talks or imagines but sits incredibly attentively at circle time or any activity. he might need something for his hands - they seem to always need to be touching something (or someone) in an absent way. He has perfectionist traits but is learning that learning is not always instantaneous. He also thinks he should be an adult in skills and also in opportunities. He both respects our authority and thinks he should have equal say.

He has a huge sunny smile and is almost always smiling - although when concetrating, gets a furrowed brow! He is happy and chooses to be happy over sulky, but always needs new inputs.

I could keep going!!!

DeHe