Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Help! How to keep DD busy?

I'm having a hard time picking the right toys and stuff for DD. I got lucky and she was obsessed with this ring stacker toy for awhile when she was 3 or 4 months. She'd spend 45 minutes taking it a part and playing with it.

Now, I feel like I'm just not getting it and I don't want to waste money on toys. We had a jack in the box that I put away because she didn't get it a few months ago. Well, in the meantime she figured out this more complex jack in the box type toy that has buttons to push. She figured out how to push the buttons and then close the lids so she could keep pushing them. So, today I took out the other toy finally and she looked at it twice and abandoned it.

At the moment, it seems like the only thing that keeps her attention for any period of time is something new. A toilet paper roll, a wooden spoon with a metal bowl, everything I am touching or holding. But even if I give her these things, she cares about them for only a 10-20 minutes and then they are worthwhile in the play room for a few days before she is done with them. Plus, she puts everything in her mouth. I keep finding paper in her diaper.

We just did a game where I hid two cards with a circle and a square, ask her to find one and she'd excitedly find it. I was letting her play with tiny things for a few minutes because of her obsession with buttons, but I have to watch she doesn't put them in her mouth.

I think she'd love to just crawl around the whole house, but it isn't safe and I'd be worried she'd find things to choke on. I am going nuts! Is this just normal toddler stuff once they get moving? I need a break or I'm going to cave and turn on Word World again.

And, is this for real? http://www.earlyinterventionsupport.com/parentingtips/behavior/attentionspan.aspx
Maybe I expect too much...

And, is this for real? http://www.earlyinterventionsupport.com/parentingtips/behavior/attentionspan.aspx
Maybe I expect too much...
Depends on the child I think .

I wouldn't buy much at the moment! Kitchen things - pots or pans (good for making noise with), bubbles from washing up in a pot, pegs... Can't remember what else DS used to play with.
Just keep saying "its just a phase..."

I had vision of my child playing with wooden toys and stuff free of chemicals and all she wants is the Xbox controller. Sighhh

So... How long is this phase, again?

18 years, but it changes a bit as you go along ;-)

I agree, while household things and exploring are what she's interested in, I wouldn't buy stuff much. Any babyproofing you can do will be worthwhile; you may end up doing it anyway, as in the toddler years it's much harder to confine them to particular rooms than when they're babies, but they still need attention to the surroundings to be safe.

I do remember DS adoring a plastic tip-up truck (hand-size for an adult, but chunkier than matchbox size) at around this age. Also books that do things, e.g. make sounds when you press buttons.

My DD was very much like yours. By two, she had amassed a playroom full of toys that she very rarely played with. She prefered new and novel'things' until they became boring (10-15 minutes). When she was mobile, I completely babyproofed the main floor of my house... everything from my waist down. I packed up breakable items and latched all the kitchen cupboards except the one with all the Tupperware. I gated the stairs and kept the bathroom door closed. Every day, I used her plastic linking toys to hang different toys from door handles and hid toys and books and household items around for her to find. And I got her out of the house at every possible opportunity. We took short walks 2-4 times per day, we had playdates and went to visit playgrounds that were in other neighbourhoods. It was exhausting to stay one step ahead of her. In the moment, I felt like I was doing a terrible job with her. Looking back, I know that I did the best I could.

Thank you. And that is how I feel right now. Like I am doing a crappy job. I feel like I suck as a mother because I feel totally overwhelmed half the time and my house is a mess and I barely pull it together enough to make a really healthy meal, forget about cleaning up the kitchen afterward.

Use flylady.com's email service and the cozi calendar. There's a whole thread about it here. I thought I had it togeather all right, but the flylady system is better. There's a whole thread about it on this forum. Really helped my attitude about cleaning after my recent baby. Attitude meaning not to be frantic, rushed, perfectionist about it. Flylady cleaning means being kind to yourself while blessing your house with a calm and consistent routine you create.

Thank you. I have checked out flylady before but felt overwhelmed by it. My house is so messy, even doing a little never lets me catch up. Keeping a clean kitchen sink would be nice if I could ever catch up on all these dishes from the whole foods meals I am trying to make. I downloaded a calender from motivated moms (similar to flylady I guess), but of course I never did it.

How do you find time to clean when your toddler hardly ever sleeps? Should I just try to hang on until DD reaches a point where she happily plays with legos or dolls for an hour so I can do something else?

I also write for and manage websites and sometimes I feel like writing is what keeps me sane...so... Business? Cleaning? Cook whole foods? Respond to baby's needs or let her fuss and cry in a playpen so I can do the other things? Eat food or take a shower? Somethings going to suffer, I feel like. If I write a lot one week, my house suffers. If I clean a lot, my business suffers. If I try to clean the house and eat well, I end up with no clean clothes and the baby has no clean cloth diapers.

All this stuff takes a decent chunk of time. I find it really hard to just write for ten minutes or say, JUST put clean diapers away while my baby rips all her clothes out of the other baskets. Ahhhh. It's like being followed around by a tornado lol.

Sorry I sound all down. I just need to vent. I know flylady is good and I am sure I will get this. I'm going to go find that thread. Maybe it will help inspire me!

Hi IslandofApples,

You are not alone and you ARE doing the best you can. I have written my fair share of these kinds of threads over the years.

When my first son was born I felt like I had been hit by a tonne of bricks. Friends with newborns were stressed, sure, but they didn't seem so out of it as I was. They still seemed to have a clue what they were doing. Me? I could even remember what day of the week it was.

As you know I had Monti and Stiener leanings, and I have to say I have changed my tune a bit, because I just don't have children who will play that way. It was really, really hard to let go of my ideals and just get to the child in front of me, especially when I read what other people were doing and I thought it was me. Here is the most important thing in this whole post: IT ISN'T YOU!

Three children later and I'm still posting those threads sometimes, lol. About every 6 months, I realise my children are not doing what I thought they were up to, and I am the worst mother ever again.

My children own a lot of toys! Every so often I think its because they have too many things that they won't play like the children in those lovely childcare books, but when I really look at it, and I see a child whose brain has just figured out the possibilities of those things. Really they have! They NEED those new things. So I try to balance it by having lots of toys, but rotating them so that there are always new things, but not too much out at once.

As soon as they are walking or crawling I childproof as much of the house as humanly possible and let them go for it. Imagine if you were only ever allowed to be in one room I try to seal every drawer and cupboard except those I'm willing to put back 20 times a day! Yes it's annoying, but not as annoying as the alternative.

Get out as much as possible, it really is hard work, but it does help.

Borrow books from the library about toddler activities - don't buy, you won't use them enough. There are plenty of quick and easy toys or craft you can make out of a paper plate or whatever.

Get toys secondhand. Go to garage sales, etc. Anything that looks appealing get. If you don't spend too much, you won't feel bad if they don't use it. I think of how much babysitting is. If the toy will cost less per hour of likely play than a babysitter, I buy it.

It's okay to have days when the goal is survival, by whatever means necessary. A day when everyone (including me) arrives at the other end without major, lasting, psychological damage is a good day I'm only half joking.

The thing is, you have probably done the absolute best you can to look at all the research, to work out what the best thing to do with your daughter is. And that is to be commended. But all of that research wasn't about kids like ours. It won't translate perfectly. It sucks, but to a certain extent, we are on our own in figuring out what is going to work.

Last piece of advice - chocolate is your friend.

Thanks! What a bummer about the Montessori thing. I'm trying not to buy any more stuff until I figure out what she likes.
The problem is we aren't fully moved into our house yet so there are boxes and random things all over my house. I've managed to make a safe area in her bedroom (when I'm in there putting clothes away, she can crawl around exploring.) Also in her play room and somewhat the downstairs living room that I've blocked off. Our room is still dangerous, though we co-sleep. I feel rather proud that we managed to get these rooms together for her, even though it doesn't sound like much. The rest of our house is still scary just moved in style.

I read this book called simplicity parenting that said kids play better and deeper with less toys. I have no clue if it will be true for DD. Also, I had cancer as a teen, so I'm feeling really anal about the stuff we bring into the house.

I am really frustrated with all the chemicals they put in toys. More and more plastic seems to be making its way into our home, but we still have the majority of our stuff from safe toy makers. I'd love to just go to a garage sale and bring home whatever interests DD, though. My ideals are starting to get in the way of my sanity.

DD often still cries in her car seat, so I'm loathe to go anywhere further than 10 minutes away. I'm definitely isolated where we live right now.

I had no idea parenthood would be this hard lol. I don't think anyone really thinks DD is any different from any other baby, either. I probably just sound like a whiner who can't handle one baby. ha

And chocolate IS my friend. I've got a high quality bar in the freezer that I get a piece of each night.

Is there any possibility you could get a babysitter? If that's too expensive maybe a "mother's helper" in the form of a preteen who might play and keep your daughter engaged while you have time to clean or catch up with other stuff around the house.

Also, are you able to get out of the house everyday with the baby to take a walk, park, library, etc? That can really help the social/easily bored kids have some routine.

Realisitically it is going to be really stressful to be in nonchildproofed place with a little one. I'd try to see if there is some short term way to get her out of the house or get her occupied so you can really dig through stuff and get the rest into storage. It will lower your stress a lot.

She just entered that stage where she only wants Mama. Before this, she had severe stranger anxiety (starting at 3 months.) She would wail if anyone held her but me or DH. Now if I get her with someone and disappear and don't talk at all she might be happy with a baby-sitter for a bit. But she can't see me at all lol.

It is very hot here in Florida, but I fully intend to get us out more in the next month or so as it cools down. I have to say that I've noticed her sleep really deteriorates if we leave the house or have anyone over. Maybe it is because we don't do it enough, though...

I agree... DH and I just need to make it our top priority to get the house set up.

I stopped buying my dd toys when she was 4. I wish I had stopped when she was a baby! What a waste of money, time and space! She never played with anything more than twice and nothing was ever interesting enough.
Now I do buy her toys that she asks for, this is her one chance at childhood, after all; but I don't search for toys to buy for her.

I recommend the library programs for little kids. I don't kwow if there are any in your area, but PA had kid singsong library activities.

My wife always took my kids to the mall and gots pictures taken with the free coupons (at Picture People). It was air conditioned in there so she could walk in the stroller, it gave them somethign to do, and she got a free picture. I'm not surprised that place went out of business, since they were always giving away free pictures.

I agree that you have a lot to be proud of. I think you are doing a wonderful job -- moving and having a new baby with an 'extra active' brain is tough!

Here's my advice. Get out the pencil and paper and make a list of which rooms need to be reclaimed and in what order - Let's say your bedroom first. Get a timer. Get the playpen in there and let her fuss for 10 minutes, while you get rid of everything that you don't love or need.

Part of the reason that you can't keep everything orderly is that you have too much stuff. If you have a storage area for the stuff you aren't sure about needing, then it's ok to put it there for now. But getting used to making decisions (and mistakes) about what you do and don't need, who you actually are and what your life is actually about takes practice. The more you do it the easier it gets.

So after the 10 minutes, take her out and play together, then repeat, repeat, repeat as many times as you can. You may want to change rooms each time - or spend half of your 10 minutes on 'maintaince' tasks and half on unpacking.

Flylady has some fun upbeat music to play while you work, or use some of your own, or sing with your child or cry along - but in the long run you will do more good than harm. Tell the baby about why she has to stay in there until it's safe and of course, let her roam as soon as it is safe. After a few rooms, she'll get the hang of it. Or not, but you have to maintain your sanity - and that means a welcoming home that doesn't say mean things to you every second of the night and day.

I have an idea that might work after a few days of 10 in/10 out - invite a mature 12 year old to come over and play with dolls or make art or build with legs or read aloud outside the playpen while your baby stays in the playpen...possibly with the 12 year olds back to the baby. Most gifted babies love nothing more than to stare at older kids playing - the best TV show ever.
If that doesn't work, it's ok to turn on the TV to a reasonable kids show - look for something without a plot, so no dramatic tension. Think Blue's Clues or Magic School Bus. Just keep a timer going to that the balance stays good.

I was working part time when my son was a toddler, so he was in daycare part time - sometimes I let him stay there so I could get some work done around the house - I hated grocery shopping with him!

Best Wishes,
It gets better!
Grinity

Remember the best advice ever.... DO WHAT WORKS AND IGNORE EVERYONE ELSE. SMILE AND WAVE, BOYS!!

I will freely admit that I used the portable DVD player and a Baby Einstein DVD to get anywhere in the car with both of my children as babies. DS was much worse than DD, he would scream bloody murder the minute I strapped him into his seat. Judge away, those people who say babies shouldn't watch TV... cause YOU DIDN'T HAVE MY CRAZY KIDS! I thought I was a genius for figuring out a way to drive peacefully. :-)

Another part of my 'do what works' stategy: I got a housecleaner. She is, bar none, the best $50 every two weeks that I have ever spent on myself. I am physically incapable of letting go of my perfectionistic tendencies. For me, the house was a huge source of stress. Now, my house fairy helps to keep me sane. I know that not everyone is in a position to afford a housecleaner, but if there is any way you can swing it then consider it. I would get rid of cable and go back to my natural hair colour before I ever got rid of my house fairy!

Sorry, I get a bit glib when I'm excited, . I see a lot of my own journey in what you write, and I'm trying to be helpful but I think I get carried away sometimes! What I'm trying to get at is that it is natural for me to do what I think is the best, and being an thinking person I have done a lot of research and I try to follow some experts because I really believe it. BUT it doesn't fit my children. I don't discard it all - I still do a lot of things I believe are right but I need reminding not to be religious about it.

Toys are an area where I have done that, where I am still struggling with it. I know the post makes it sound like my children have mounds of toys, but really they don't and I have a very broad definition of toys to include the stuff we use for our homeschool and that sort of thing. But I have had to accept that they do need more to do than I would like to give them, if that makes sense.

I know what you mean about modern toys - there are so many really bad ones, and I don't buy them. Are you ok with duplo? You DD might be into that? It has been a lifesaver for us. I make exceptions for plastic toys that have a lot of possiblities.

Anyway, you sound like there is a lot on your plate right now, so be easy on yourself. And remember that in parenting, sometimes we must make exceptions to our ideals to survive. Take TV. I don't like my children watching TV, but when my son was about that age I used to put on something for a short while each day. I didn't like doing it, but the honest truth was it was better for him to spend 10 minutes doing that, and have a sane, refreshed mother for the rest of the day, than it was for him to spend all day with me frazzled.

So with your house, it might be better for your DD to spend a bit of time in the way Grinity suggests, or with TV, or with a babysitter, if it means that you will be happier/calmer/more settled once you get the house sorted.

Parenting is harder than I thought it would be too, and most people I knew thought I was just exagerrating.

Hang in there!

Yup! Yup! Yup!

Thanks!
You will be happy to know that Legos don't put PVC, phthalates, BPA or other chemicals of concern in their toys. Those are on my OK list. We'll be getting the Duplo blocks soon.

I mainly avoid Fisher-Price like the plague, but DDs swing is that brand and my mother keeps slipping FP stuff into our home even though all my other family respects our wishes and asks what brands are safe. I lust after all the Montessori inspired Melissa and Doug stuff, too, but that brand can't really be trusted, either. What a bummer. About 30% of DDs toys are from Plan Toys. (I'm very into this and I've been writing tons of articles lately on safe baby toys for my site lol.)

I also keep turning Word World on and DD gets extremely excited and squeals when she sees what I'm putting on. Ah well. I try to keep it off most of the time...

I'm glad you said this
"Parenting is harder than I thought it would be too, and most people I knew thought I was just exaggerating."
It isn't just me!

Wow! Thank you for all the awesome advice!!! I am going to do this. I managed to clean up DDs room last night really fast and I'm going to work on some more rooms today.

I want so badly to determine what "enough" is (Your Money or Your Life style) but I find I'm afraid to get rid of anything suddenly. Like, I have so many clothes that don't fit, but when I have another child someday, I am going to need these clothes. It costs so much money to keep replacing wardrobes. Same with all the baby stuff DD has already grown out of.

I wish we could get a house cleaner. DH is opposed to hiring help but it is pretty funny... He came from a family that used to have a lot of money. When they lived in their home country, they ALWAYS had a maid.

My mother in law never cooked, cleaned, or did laundry or anything the entire time her kids were small. DH didn't have to do anything, either. I want to ask my MIL how she handled a baby who wouldn't sleep (DH never did, she says) but she didn't have to do anything besides takes care of him!

I think hiring help for things that we really hate to do and can't seem to get a handle on is just smart. We have a limited number of hours in the day (and I am spending my time while DH watches the baby on here. Oops lol.)

Yippee! I find the feeling of those 'little voices of defeat' so marvelous when they stop because I've 'done something.'
Do you have a storage area in your home? Either way -
Start this way: get rid of the stuff that is likely to go out of style, or you never really felt good in, or doesn't fit your new 'mommy life-style' or is highly seasonal (you won't be the same size at the same season as you were last time - same goes for future babies)- ask yourself - is it stained? Most of us don't feel our best in stained clothing.

- it helps to print up these questions in large font and clip the page to a clipboard and leave it in plain sight, so that when you get distracted the information is big and obvious to help 're-rail' you.

Trash the trash -
Give away the stuff that could bless someone else.
If you have storage: Box up the stuff that you 'love or need.' Lable and store.
If you don't have storage - do you have a friend or family member who would hold your boxes? Is the stuff worth the cost of the favor? If not - give away!
What would it cost to rent a storage unit? (Is any of the stuff worth the cost of storage?) Ask yourself - if I wouldn't pay to have this stuff stored, why would I keep this stuff around to clutter up my home?

After you've looked at the stuff that doesn't fit, and sorted through what is likely to be usable, you'll be amazed at how small the 'storage' problem actually is. Of course save a favorite baby outfit as a keepsake - but one or two will do the trick. Lots of those old clothes aren't in as good shape as you remember when you take a close look at them.

Love and More Love,
Grinity