Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Help! How to keep DD busy?

Is there any possibility you could get a babysitter? If that's too expensive maybe a "mother's helper" in the form of a preteen who might play and keep your daughter engaged while you have time to clean or catch up with other stuff around the house.

Also, are you able to get out of the house everyday with the baby to take a walk, park, library, etc? That can really help the social/easily bored kids have some routine.

Realisitically it is going to be really stressful to be in nonchildproofed place with a little one. I'd try to see if there is some short term way to get her out of the house or get her occupied so you can really dig through stuff and get the rest into storage. It will lower your stress a lot.

She just entered that stage where she only wants Mama. Before this, she had severe stranger anxiety (starting at 3 months.) She would wail if anyone held her but me or DH. Now if I get her with someone and disappear and don't talk at all she might be happy with a baby-sitter for a bit. But she can't see me at all lol.

It is very hot here in Florida, but I fully intend to get us out more in the next month or so as it cools down. I have to say that I've noticed her sleep really deteriorates if we leave the house or have anyone over. Maybe it is because we don't do it enough, though...

I agree... DH and I just need to make it our top priority to get the house set up.

I stopped buying my dd toys when she was 4. I wish I had stopped when she was a baby! What a waste of money, time and space! She never played with anything more than twice and nothing was ever interesting enough.
Now I do buy her toys that she asks for, this is her one chance at childhood, after all; but I don't search for toys to buy for her.

I recommend the library programs for little kids. I don't kwow if there are any in your area, but PA had kid singsong library activities.

My wife always took my kids to the mall and gots pictures taken with the free coupons (at Picture People). It was air conditioned in there so she could walk in the stroller, it gave them somethign to do, and she got a free picture. I'm not surprised that place went out of business, since they were always giving away free pictures.

I agree that you have a lot to be proud of. I think you are doing a wonderful job -- moving and having a new baby with an 'extra active' brain is tough!

Here's my advice. Get out the pencil and paper and make a list of which rooms need to be reclaimed and in what order - Let's say your bedroom first. Get a timer. Get the playpen in there and let her fuss for 10 minutes, while you get rid of everything that you don't love or need.

Part of the reason that you can't keep everything orderly is that you have too much stuff. If you have a storage area for the stuff you aren't sure about needing, then it's ok to put it there for now. But getting used to making decisions (and mistakes) about what you do and don't need, who you actually are and what your life is actually about takes practice. The more you do it the easier it gets.

So after the 10 minutes, take her out and play together, then repeat, repeat, repeat as many times as you can. You may want to change rooms each time - or spend half of your 10 minutes on 'maintaince' tasks and half on unpacking.

Flylady has some fun upbeat music to play while you work, or use some of your own, or sing with your child or cry along - but in the long run you will do more good than harm. Tell the baby about why she has to stay in there until it's safe and of course, let her roam as soon as it is safe. After a few rooms, she'll get the hang of it. Or not, but you have to maintain your sanity - and that means a welcoming home that doesn't say mean things to you every second of the night and day.

I have an idea that might work after a few days of 10 in/10 out - invite a mature 12 year old to come over and play with dolls or make art or build with legs or read aloud outside the playpen while your baby stays in the playpen...possibly with the 12 year olds back to the baby. Most gifted babies love nothing more than to stare at older kids playing - the best TV show ever.
If that doesn't work, it's ok to turn on the TV to a reasonable kids show - look for something without a plot, so no dramatic tension. Think Blue's Clues or Magic School Bus. Just keep a timer going to that the balance stays good.

I was working part time when my son was a toddler, so he was in daycare part time - sometimes I let him stay there so I could get some work done around the house - I hated grocery shopping with him!

Best Wishes,
It gets better!
Grinity

Remember the best advice ever.... DO WHAT WORKS AND IGNORE EVERYONE ELSE. SMILE AND WAVE, BOYS!!

I will freely admit that I used the portable DVD player and a Baby Einstein DVD to get anywhere in the car with both of my children as babies. DS was much worse than DD, he would scream bloody murder the minute I strapped him into his seat. Judge away, those people who say babies shouldn't watch TV... cause YOU DIDN'T HAVE MY CRAZY KIDS! I thought I was a genius for figuring out a way to drive peacefully. :-)

Another part of my 'do what works' stategy: I got a housecleaner. She is, bar none, the best $50 every two weeks that I have ever spent on myself. I am physically incapable of letting go of my perfectionistic tendencies. For me, the house was a huge source of stress. Now, my house fairy helps to keep me sane. I know that not everyone is in a position to afford a housecleaner, but if there is any way you can swing it then consider it. I would get rid of cable and go back to my natural hair colour before I ever got rid of my house fairy!

Sorry, I get a bit glib when I'm excited, . I see a lot of my own journey in what you write, and I'm trying to be helpful but I think I get carried away sometimes! What I'm trying to get at is that it is natural for me to do what I think is the best, and being an thinking person I have done a lot of research and I try to follow some experts because I really believe it. BUT it doesn't fit my children. I don't discard it all - I still do a lot of things I believe are right but I need reminding not to be religious about it.

Toys are an area where I have done that, where I am still struggling with it. I know the post makes it sound like my children have mounds of toys, but really they don't and I have a very broad definition of toys to include the stuff we use for our homeschool and that sort of thing. But I have had to accept that they do need more to do than I would like to give them, if that makes sense.

I know what you mean about modern toys - there are so many really bad ones, and I don't buy them. Are you ok with duplo? You DD might be into that? It has been a lifesaver for us. I make exceptions for plastic toys that have a lot of possiblities.

Anyway, you sound like there is a lot on your plate right now, so be easy on yourself. And remember that in parenting, sometimes we must make exceptions to our ideals to survive. Take TV. I don't like my children watching TV, but when my son was about that age I used to put on something for a short while each day. I didn't like doing it, but the honest truth was it was better for him to spend 10 minutes doing that, and have a sane, refreshed mother for the rest of the day, than it was for him to spend all day with me frazzled.

So with your house, it might be better for your DD to spend a bit of time in the way Grinity suggests, or with TV, or with a babysitter, if it means that you will be happier/calmer/more settled once you get the house sorted.

Parenting is harder than I thought it would be too, and most people I knew thought I was just exagerrating.

Hang in there!

Yup! Yup! Yup!

Thanks!
You will be happy to know that Legos don't put PVC, phthalates, BPA or other chemicals of concern in their toys. Those are on my OK list. We'll be getting the Duplo blocks soon.

I mainly avoid Fisher-Price like the plague, but DDs swing is that brand and my mother keeps slipping FP stuff into our home even though all my other family respects our wishes and asks what brands are safe. I lust after all the Montessori inspired Melissa and Doug stuff, too, but that brand can't really be trusted, either. What a bummer. About 30% of DDs toys are from Plan Toys. (I'm very into this and I've been writing tons of articles lately on safe baby toys for my site lol.)

I also keep turning Word World on and DD gets extremely excited and squeals when she sees what I'm putting on. Ah well. I try to keep it off most of the time...

I'm glad you said this
"Parenting is harder than I thought it would be too, and most people I knew thought I was just exaggerating."
It isn't just me!

Wow! Thank you for all the awesome advice!!! I am going to do this. I managed to clean up DDs room last night really fast and I'm going to work on some more rooms today.

I want so badly to determine what "enough" is (Your Money or Your Life style) but I find I'm afraid to get rid of anything suddenly. Like, I have so many clothes that don't fit, but when I have another child someday, I am going to need these clothes. It costs so much money to keep replacing wardrobes. Same with all the baby stuff DD has already grown out of.

I wish we could get a house cleaner. DH is opposed to hiring help but it is pretty funny... He came from a family that used to have a lot of money. When they lived in their home country, they ALWAYS had a maid.

My mother in law never cooked, cleaned, or did laundry or anything the entire time her kids were small. DH didn't have to do anything, either. I want to ask my MIL how she handled a baby who wouldn't sleep (DH never did, she says) but she didn't have to do anything besides takes care of him!

I think hiring help for things that we really hate to do and can't seem to get a handle on is just smart. We have a limited number of hours in the day (and I am spending my time while DH watches the baby on here. Oops lol.)