The praise and power which cultivate a positive learning environment may become "too much of a good thing." Gifted children may internalize highly competitive pressures to be brilliant, perfect, extraordinarily creative, beautiful, and/or popular. The pressures that gifted children internalize can lead to motivation or may also cause them to learn defensive patterns which lead to underachievement.
-Dr. Sylvia Rimm, Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine
Dr. Rimm has a good point, but since she is always aimed at the optimally gifted kids, it's important to remember that for PGlets, the horrible tantrums can be the result of 'too little challenge for too long' as well. How is a parent to know?
Of course it's good to remember to praise 'character' instead of 'inborn gift' - so when the casual observer says: "Smart as a whip, eh?"
We respond: "Yes, We are very proud that she is an active explorer of her world" or
"Yes, I love that she is so inquisitive"
But Rimm admits about 6/7th of the way through her very good book,
Why smart kids... that the parents can do everything right and there will still be this problem for the very few unusually gifted kids who are so far above age level expectations that they just get no chance to excersize the learning muscles at school. That seems to be the more usual case around here.
So instead of trying to encourage without tantrums - try:
1) set up the school/daycare environment so that challenge is a natural part of the day (yes, easier said than done)
2) Practice providing that warm encouragement and breath through the tantrums...welcome them, as they are necessary as she faces challenge for the first time. Try to do this somewhere out of any judgmental eye. Realize that it takes time for both of you to get used to this, so start small.
3) Spend most of the time doing things she is already interested in. It's ok to weave in her challenge areas, but she'll learn fastest if she is feeling loved and having fun at least some of the time. If you need ideas for this post her particular interests and challenges here and we'll give suggestions.
4) Try to think outside the box - any learning challenge is a good learning challenge.
5) Remember that time with you is the most reinforcing thing in the world. If needed, you can pretend to be intensely interested in an activity and ignore her while you do it until she joins you. Figure out what the other reinforcers are for her - gifties often have an unusual sense of what they will work for.
Hugs - remember, at age 5 you have less to undo than she would at age 12 or 18. It doesn't last forever!
Smiles,
Grinity