Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Child rejecting the dx

I'm trying to figure out how hard to push with my dd10. She has 99.9th percentile WISC scores (GAI) with 99th+ VCI and PRI and avg WMI and PSI. Her achievement in school has been wildly erratic. We haven't been able to homeschool as we did with dd12 earlier due to financial need for me to work more outside of the home and other issues.

She was dx with ADD and an anxiety disorder last year and we really had tremendous success with alternative treatments including omega 3 supplementation, gum chewing in school, and caffeinating the kid by putting caffeinated tea in her water bottle. Her grades got more consistent in the accelerated classes. The GT teacher e-mailed me to ask what I had done to her after a few weeks or so of this regimen. She gets straight As even with a total lack of attention in the less accelerated classes, but we need to do something to get that kind of performance in GT or subject accelerated classes.

I've also suspected off and on since 1st or 2nd grade that she may be dyslexic. Since she reads above grade level, that isn't something that the school would be concerned with and I don't know what to do. I do know that she's not likely to ever be someone who reads for pleasure the way I do, though.

So, the issue is this: dd rejects both the gifted label and any type of LD. Getting her to chew gum and drink caffeinated drinks during school will be easy b/c they are fun, but she's fighting me terribly on going back on the o-3s b/c she seems to see it as us saying that there is something wrong with her that needs medicating. We've just dropped it for the summer, but school starts up in less than two weeks and I think that it makes enough of a difference that I really want her to get back on them.

She is profoundly lonely when she's grouped with avg or high avg kids and, even in the GT placement, has rarely found anyone with whom she really clicks. She's a chameleon so she "fits" with everyone, but she's lonely none the less. If we do nothing, I suspect that she'll wind up tracked in the avg or high avg classes.

She passed the tests to accelerate in math next year, but she has to keep some focus so she does well enough that she doesn't get moved. Tons of simple errors, drifting attention... it all plays into lower grades and she won't stay in these classes if that happens.

Any chance that other people in the family might take omega 3s as well and just make it part of the breakfast or dinner routine for everyone. They are really a deficient part of the American diet for most people and there are good health reasons for lots of people to consider them (reducing inflammation, promoting cardiac health, etc.)

We certainly could. I'm not sure if it would make a difference but we could give it a try. I've also asked dh to talk with her b/c he, too, has an ADD dx and I'm trying to avoid having her come out of her childhood with the same issues he had/has. He may be less threatening to her, though, since she won't feel like it is the perfect person telling her what is wrong with her.

Did she skip a whole grade or more? Maybe you are just seeing that as the child goes through school, the demands on focus and "producing" work increase. It could simply be that she is average for her age in that area and will catch up as she gets older. The same is true for the social part- can you try things where she would be with girls her own age? Girls Scouts, musicals, gymnastics, etc?

No, she hasn't skipped any grades. She was kind of an early admit b/c Colorado has a "local education authority" system where every district can set its own cut-off date for starting K and they vary a lot. The latest date in the state is 5 by Oct. 1. We have three local districts and we are on the border of two of them. The various K cuts in these districts are "5 by 9/15, 5 by 8/15, and 5 by 10/1."

The 10/1 district had a 9/15 policy until the year dd10 started and changed it that year. Her bd is right before 10/1, so we started her there and then moved the following year to the 9/15 district. She is, thus, the youngest in her grade. Sometimes it is by a lot (as compared to kids who were redshirted and are 18-20 months older than she) and sometimes by a very little for kids whose bds were on the cusp and who weren't redshirted (1-3 months).

She tends to zone out when placed in situations with kids her age and a bit younger. She's done theatre programs for a while and just doesn't show up mentally if the other kids are acting like typical younger kids -- goofing off, etc. Point being, it doesn't seem to be a better fit.

We've been through a lot of trying to figure stuff out with her. She has a number of things that are a lot like dh and I have no doubt that he had undiagnosed LDs as a kid and he has been dx with ADD. I am pretty certain that her issues aren't developmental and likely to improve solely through aging. They do seem to improve with interventions, though. It is just a matter of getting her to accept the interventions and not view them as proof that she is defective.

Sorry to repeat post! I did want to say, though, that this hasn't been something that's come up in relation to getting further into school. We've had issues since 1st grade. Her test scores bounce all over the place, she drifts mentally and zones out, she misses questions due to very divergent approaches to things and regular simple errors. K wasn't an issue b/c she went in reading, writing, counting, tying her shoes, and really already at end of year goals so it didn't matter if she wasn't paying attention. Singing and playing games worked fine & she didn't need to do much output-wise.

Speed is also not an issue. She's actually very fast despite lower PSI scores on the WISC. I suspect that the PSI was largely impacted by mistakes moreso than working slowly. She completes work quickly; she just makes a lot of careless errors.

I find that my feelings of being defective with regard to brain or body (and not wanting to be "medicating" myself) can sometimes be alleviated by taking a biological perspective as in, not all bodies work exactly the same, not all bodies even work well, each individual is different, etc. And from there, to take the view of helping your body work better - If you could greatly improve your health by ingesting a chemical that your thyroid doesn't make anymore, wouldn't that be a great idea? If your brain doesn't make enough of the chemicals you need to be on an even keel psychologically, wouldn't it be great if there were a medicine you could take to help your brain out? That sort of thing. I find this helpful, but I expect it won't work for everyone. And I keep thinking of other examples, but I'm sure you get the idea!

Cricket, does she know that she is working harder than others do at things like reading, and if so, what explanation does she make for herself? Does she see that she's struggling, or not?

If she doesn't see it, then it makes sense she wouldn't want a dx; it's an explanation where no question was asked. She's also at a tough age-- nobody wants to be different at 12 or 13.

When she gets a so-so grade in the GT class, does she chalk it up to not being GT? I can certainly understand why this is a concern.

Having your DH do the talking sounds like a good idea. You could also level with her about what her test scores are and what they mean; if you think she's prepared for that kind of reasoning.

For my DS (younger than your DD) finding out his dx was important for his self-esteem and self-awareness-- it gave him an explanation other than "I'm not good enough to succeed." I hope your DD ultimately gets to that place too.

DeeDee

When my DS was diagnosed with ADHD-I, we told him that he had an amazing ability to notice everything around him, and that this ability comes in really handy in a lot of situations and a lot of careers and in life in general. But we told him that it doesn't always work so well for school because teachers only want you to pay attention to what they are saying or showing and not to the other 10 cool things going on in the classroom. So, while his ability to notice things was amazing and great, we needed to help him focus on just the one thing at a time in class. This way, we said that there was nothing wrong with him, just something challenging about a particular situation - school. Do you think something like that might help your DD?

It sounds like most of the interventions that you have been using are dietary, and that they are effective when she complies. You might try using an analogy that different people require different fuel to perform at their best, just as different vehicles require different fuels. You can't use the same fuel in a garbage truck that you use in a race car, but that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with either of them, just that they won't perform at their best when they have the wrong fuel. She happens to have a brain that runs its best on racing fuel.