I haven't read this thread from start to finish - so I'm really just responding to the blog post Bostonian posted above. I have no doubt that my nurture contributes very little to my dd's abilities. She's got smart genes. I do know however, being the product of two middle class families that are highly dysfunctional, that nurture does impact on life long happiness. Both my parents' families would appear to fit the 'norms' more or less from the outside, both families are made up almost exclusively of highly successful and productive people. Who are also deeply unhappy. My parents too are deeply unhappy people (and relatively successful and productive themselves). I have been successful and productive too, but it has taken me to my mid thirties to be able to move past the nurture aspects of my childhood and find success and happiness in a way that was meaningful to me. (I use 'successful and productive' as this seems to be the author's benchmark based on the review provided).
Also, I do a lot of volunteering at our daughter's school, we have lots of friends with kids. It is quite apparent to me how parental interaction shapes kids. It doesn't change their natures, but I do believe it does shape how their nature is presented.
So I do think nurture plays a part in a middle class family - though perhaps not so much in perceived 'success and productivity'. Why should it not? If it plays a part in outcomes for kids from lower class families (and there is plenty of research to confirm that it does), why would a middle class kid not be influenced by their environment? We're all made of the same stuff. Having adequate resources doesn't suddenly make you well adjusted and immune to your interactions with others. I appreciate the impact might not be as noticeable; I imagine (though have nothing to back me on this other than my own experience) that if you're in a middle class family the resources you have available to you make it less likely you'll drop out of the game all together (and often you have connections that ensure you don't), but whether or not you'll be successful and productive in a way that is meaningful to you, and whether or not you'll be happy I think are less certain. In fact when I think about the middle and upper class families amongst our friends a majority are quite dysfunctional (I'm talking affairs, closeted homosexuality, sibling rivalries, alcoholism, significant drug use, etc). But from the outside they would appear very 'successful and productive'...
Do I think people should buy in to the parent advice industry? Not at all. I always tell friends who are pregnant to do what works for them as a family and to go with their gut because no child and no family are alike. Buying a thousand books might result in finding on one that fits how you like to operate as a family - but it will probably resonate because it confirms what you already feel is right. Though that can have its own value.
Anyway, I'll stop ranting now. When anyone talks about 'norms' in the context of any type of family I get a bit twitchy! (can you tell?)
Last edited by Giftodd; 07/19/11 01:24 PM. Reason: Clarity
