Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Worrying about Death

Thanks so much to everyone about this. We had a meeting this past week with his therapist (just a explaination....DS8 was diagnosed with PTSD about a year ago due a traumatic medical event that happened to him...one afternoon we were working on some science projects and he passed out several times in a row - the last time his lips turned blue and he was laying on the floor non-responsive so I called 911 in which he was taken to the hospital in the ambulance and they did countless tests on him...all came back normal...finally it was found by his doctor that he had water in his inner ear causing dizziness and the passing out)...the whole thing was just too much for his little sensitive system and he was really traumatized - the psych diagnosed him with PTSD and he got intensive therapy for almost a year. We turned the corner big time about 3 months ago for the positive and I pretty much have my happy-go-lucky little kid back but this fear of death started from everything that occured.
Associating his passing out with going to sleep at night scares him because he said everything was black and gone and he is afraid to go to sleep because it is too much like when he passed out and now has associated the 2 with dying and how that might be like the same.

His psych said we are handling it in a great way by having discussions with him - DS8 came out with his main fear that death scared him because it was "the end, final, kaput" in his words. The therapist said it was an excellent idea to share different religious views on death and DS was comforted when I told him about how some religions believe in reincarnation (THANK YOU Ultramarina)...so we will keep going down that road. He was also comforted when we spoke about how everything has a cycle and that there are things that will never end such as our love for each other. I just never in a million years thought that I would be having such a deep conversation with my 8 year old child :-) His psych said that DS is very analytical and very mature for his age and that it can cause some problems in that he is still an 8 year in many ways. Thank you so much for the help it means more than you know!

EMDR is not my modality of therapy, but I always refer out for PTSD clients. Not sure how it works for kids, but may be worth looking into. Many have amazing results?!

The brain is more active during sleep than when awake. Possibly researching sleep and dreams, etc. will appeal to your son's analytical mind and comfort him that closing his eyes and letting his conscious mind go doesn't mean he's gone!

Thanks so much guys - I have a good list of library books I have on reserve now about dreams and reincarnation amongst a few others :-) for the recommendation of EMDR - we attempted a therapist who did EMDR and it was a disaster - the therapist was just not a good match with my son and then after the fact we found out that he was not certified in EMDR - so maybe down the road we may revisit that again with someone who is certified :-) For about 6 of our 10 months of PTSD therapy we were seeing a Psychologist, a Hypnotherapist and the gentleman who did EMDR - all at the recommendation of the psychologist. The hypnotherapist is the one my son loves to see and so now we just see him when he needs someone to talk to...DS8 says that he talks to him like he is not a little baby :-)

some future ideas:
If you get a gold fish for a pet. When the fish dies and you can let the child deal with it. It can help them to deal with death in a little way.

Also an Amerillis bulb flower can help. It grows and blooms then the bulb rots and goes back to the earth - the life cycle.

We just went through the death of my grandfather. �The other day Wyatt 3.5 brought it up. �He said, Mamma, who's going to be my Mamma when you die? �I almost said, who asked you that, then I realized he asked himself that. �He already asked me earlier what happens if I get sick, or you get sick, or Esperanza gets sick, or dada gets sick. �I said, if one of us gets sick we'll just get better, it's only if you get very old and very sick, then you die. �( -10 points Mamma). �So I said, who do u want to be your Mamma if I die? �He said, you can't die until you get like Pompa (very old). �I said, you're right. �He said, but when you die I'm going to call somebody else Mamma. �I asked who he wanted to call Mamma after I die. �He settled on choosing my aunt. �I wonder if he noticed she's older than me.
I'm writing this post because he just asked me, "when I was in your belly how did you get me out?". I showed him a video of a water birth. �He said �that's a bellybutton. �Then later he told me, that wasn't a bellybutton, was it? �I didn't want to answer because I didn't want him saying the word vagina in public. �He already runs out of the bathroom saying, Mamma! �I pooped! �I wiped my butt and I washed my hands! �A little loudly for my preference, at least at the restaurant. �Anyway, he's still asking. �I'm about to show him a more graphic video from YouTube. �Maybe I can still get out of telling him the word for it.

I wouldn't count on it!