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My 13 year old son is begging me to not enroll him in co-op classes even though he did so well in his writing composition class last year and even though his teacher allowed the accommodation (his iPhone) for typing his answers to the essay questions on the end of semester test. She also let me take notes for him in class so he could finish writing his in-class writing assignments. I was the parent volunteer for the class and had to be there anyway so the note-taking wasn't a problem for me.

He thinks a self-paced online class would be much easier because there would be no need for taking notes and it would be easier to keep his mind on the lesson. He said it was hard to pay attention for more than 15 minutes when the teacher went over grammar rules that he found boring. He already knew most of the grammar rules before taking the class and he had to turn in lots of grammar worksheets on these rules. He found it stressful trying to finish them all before the next weekly class. He also found it stressful trying to get to the class on time and he could tell I was stressed because as the parent volunteer it was important that I be there on time as well. The scoliosis brace pain that some kids are able to get used to but he never did along with his headaches made it hard for him to get ready quickly and to sit through the classes. He started hating Sundays because he had to go to class the next day. But he always finished his writing assignments before the next class and he wrote really good short stories and poems and essays and made a 98 for the class. I didn't know he could write that well. I didn't teach him how to write because I didn't know how to teach him and the dysgraphia made it more difficult before he learned to type well. He needed this class and I am glad he took it, but now I am wondering if would be better for both of us if he took all online classes next year.

We met a middle science teacher at an early 4th of July celebration that told us that in her opinion kids needed to learn in a class with other kids. One of her former students saw her talking to us and told us that she was the best teacher she ever had and that they did a lot of fun experiments. I started feeling bad, thinking that my son was maybe missing out on fun learning and that he wasn't learning as much as he should for science. I told her that we did most of our learning online and that I learned along with him and I didn't need to know everything in order for him to learn science because we had the internet, but as I was saying it I still felt unsure about my ability to make sure my son was learning everything he needed to know--until my husband started talking to her and her former student. My husband told the little girl that it was good to ask a lot of questions and to even question her teachers because there are new discoveries all the time and asking lots of questions and looking for answers is important. The teacher looked like she didn't like what he was telling the little girl. As an example he talked about the two new elements that were added to the periodic table. The teacher hadn't heard about them. My son quickly looked them up on his iPhone for her. My husband also talked about some of the science related shows we had watched together recently and some of the interesting things we learned. We told her that we read sciencedaily.com to try to keep up with the latest science news and we read about a new element from the iPad ap every night even though it is summer break. My son enjoys learning. He just doesn't feel like he needs to be with other kids in order to learn. But I still wonder if musical theater provides enough interaction with other kids. Is he missing something if he does all online classes this year? He is the only child at home.

If we do decide to do all online classes I think we might use studyisland.com for language arts and biology and U.S. history. The price is reasonable and the classes are aligned with state standards.

My son wants to learn Japanese with Rocket Japanese and is saving his money to buy it. It is expensive and I wonder if it is worth the money. My son watches a lot of Japanese anime and would like to learn the language. Has anyone else tried Rocket Japanese?

Doctors appointments and brace time and exercise is a lot easier to manage if my son does online classes, but it makes me sad when my son says our lives have almost a Twilight Zone quality. No matter how hard we try to make things better bad things beyond our control keep happening. We are still on call for taking care of my disabled mother any time my dad has to leave his house or needs help. My mother's disability is so severe that it would be hard to find a nursing home that could handle her yet my 70 something year old dad does the best he can and we are doing the best we can to support him in taking care of her. I feel like our executive function and time management skills are constantly being tested and it just keeps getting harder. There is no end in sight but I need to somehow focus on planning for next year.

On a more positive note my son got the part of Prince Dauntless (Once Upon a Mattress) in a month long 5 day a week musical theater camp. It starts in a few days and I think it will be a lot of fun for him. He also auditioned for a part in a feature film and they might use him as an extra.

I'm not against some online classes. They can certainly meet needs in particular academic subjects and they can be a big help for gifted kids who have need for acceleration. We used them in our homeschool and I've taken them myself as well. Some are of course much better than others, but there are some good options out there. You really need to look carefully that whatever you choose isn't just meeting state standards but is actually provides an appropriate level of challenge.

That said, I'm personally opposed to all online classes for a teenager for a number of reasons. First, I think it is simply not enough time around other people. Even if he's doing one other activity that is still a huge amount of time at home without new people who may encourage him to learn and grow. This becomes more and more important in the teenage years.

With an asynchronous child at home it can be really easy to get into a pattern of taking the easy route of allowing the child to grow in areas of strength but remain in a comfort zone of not stretching himself. The fact that you didn't realize he was such a strong writer before he took the class is a good example of that. Also, the fact that he worked himself up into so much stress over a single homeschool class for me is the best illustration that he must continue to have these opportunities. He stretched himself in ways that he wasn't going to at home and comfortable or not that is something he's going to need to do if he wants to be an independent adult. The next step would be taking a class without mom present. Anything you want him to be able to as an adult you really need to ask yourself right now what are the steps to getting there and bit by bit take those steps.

As he ultimately plans to go to college, I also think it is important for him to get regular practice on classroom skills such as participating in class discussing, handling disagreements, meeting deadlines, taking notes, asking his instructor for help, etc. Also, for him that's going to including handling fatigue and finding ways to adapt and work with his strengths. While some social skills can certainly also be practiced in an activity like theater there are some classroom skills that are specific to the classroom.

With the challenges he has, it is especially important that your son has opportunities to be successful. Clearly his intellect is a strength that he needs to be allowed to develop and doing so will contribute in positive ways to his self esteem. You've mentioned before it is difficult because your area heavily emphasizes stuff like football that doesn't fit with your son's interests and abilities. That's exactly why it is important for him to be in classes or groups where he can shine intellectually. Those may also lead to some other friendships or relationships with teachers/mentors that will be crucial to helping him avoid loneliness/depression in the teenage years.

http://www.livemocha.com/

My brother is studying several languages for fun. He recommends this site for any language. My dad recommends for any language to look at Skypping with those people who speak that language. Surely there's some Japanese that want an American "penpal" over Skyppe. Also, can you host a foreign exchange student where you live?

Thirteen is old enough to read college English textbooks for fun. But be careful about getting college credit early. I read online that if you're not careful you'll mess up your scholarship by getting ahead. Look it up because I'm not sure. If it is just be careful to call it eighth grade work. It could just be an Internet rumor.

Yeah, that's really isn't true. Lots of homeschoolers rack up quite a bit of college credit while in high school. The key is to maintain dual enrollment status (in both high school and college) rather than enrolling as a freshman. That allows the student to still enter college as a freshman in order to tap into the largest pool of scholarships.

I would not be at all worried about the student earning college credit, however, it sounds like Lori's son would have some stuff to work out with accommodations before he's at that point. That's part of why I'd suggest continuing with the homeschool or community based academics so he learns what he will need to be successful in college.

PtP, tks for sharing. Do you know a page that explains or could you explain what the scholarship issue is? Is it just that most scholarships are looking for freshmen and the freshman has to be eighteen?

About Lori's son I was just suggesting if he wants to use an old college English textbook, not timed and not in a class, just for fun, he might like it. When I was his age-ish I was introduced to "a screenwriter's workbook" by Syd Field. (not a textbook). It inspired two full milkcrates of loose-leaf notebook pages worth of writing. I just remembered. Ask for it from the library on inter-library loan. Hey, that even fits his acting bug!
Also, it really sounded like he liked his teacher and his class this year. Did you homeschool partially this last year?

Is this any different than those of us that teach solely at home without online classes?

Lori,

We found that online classes that had live components (such as mandatory twice-a-week live chat sessions with the teacher and other students) and that had frequent assignments with deadlines helped give my son good exposure to classroom interaction and to the kinds of organizational demands he will face later without making his need for accommodations obvious to the other students in the class. It was a good place for us to start. We'll certainly use classes with that kind of a format again as he moves through high school. But I think that it is also important for my son to have an opportunity to find out where his physical and sensory limits really are and to be able to try out and practice different coping strategies and accommodations to find out what actually works for him in a classroom setting, as it is unlikely that he will be able to take all of his college classes online.

So, our strategy for now is to have him practice and try out those types of skills first in settings where the course is not necessarily going to go on transcripts kept by other people, and we have the option to count it for our purposes as either elective credit or as an extracurricular. I'm unwilling at this point to risk him missing out on core content learning because he couldn't sit through the whole class without needing to move around or because he was having trouble taking lecture notes.

These are tough decisions. I know that I feel that, on the one hand, I want to make sure my child has all the support and accommodations he needs to achieve all I know he is capable of, but on the other hand, I don't want to inadvertently limit or stunt his development by being overprotective, and the location of the fine line between the two is almost impossible to see from this side of it.

Lori H,
Is there a community college or University within driving distance? Perhaps auditing a class or two would be a good addition to online classes? You are still the homeschooling parent, and you grant the grades, but the college classroom provides the course content.

It's so hard to find a balance between listening to other people enthusiastically blab about their experiences (the girl and teacher at the picnic) and wanting what they seem to have, and, on the other hand, recognizing that the world is a wide, wide place and what works for one doesn't work for all.

How much to lead? When to follow? Such difficult questions! I keep myself for overanalyse-ing by asking myself 'given all the constraints - what is the 'least worst option' at this time?'

If I was in your shoes, and I really loved that co-op class, I would consider carefully 'making a deal' with my kid that he do the first 3 examples from the grammar worksheet and if they are correct to leave the rest blank. The grade comes from you ultimately, and you are the one who decides what he actually needs. If my son were, say, 8, and getting a lot out of the writting part of the class, I would do the worksheets myself. It's trickier with a teen and may not be worth you while to go that far.

Have you asked the teacher if she would act as a writing tutor with him individually, so that he can get a more individualized experience? Is there anyone else that would be willing to act as a writing tutor?

Maybe your son would be interested in developing an online website that teaches other kids 'how to be a better writer' and he would be willing to collect all that is know about teaching writing? Lots of kids are entering college without solid writing skills, and interviewing Professors who teach Freshman Comp would be a great way to learn more about writing, while practicing writing, while providing a needed service.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Freshman do not need to be 18. It is not common for gifted students to enter college early. You can be a freshman at different ages and still get scholarships.

Many high schools students, including homeschoolers, earn dual enrollment credits. These are college credits earned while in high school. The student has not yet graduated high school. So, generally, when they enter college they will enter as a freshman rather than as a transfer students. This means they have the maximum eligibility for scholarships.

So, I'm just saying there is nothing to worry about. When he's ready for college classes he can take them and it won't hurt his possibility of getting scholarships later (and may well help it). I don't think though from what Lori has posted that he's at this point though. If he needs mom to be a notetaker for a homeschool co-op class he's still got a ways to go to either being independent or have formal accommodations in place. I certainly agree though as needed he should seek out college level material as he's ready for it.

Such important points. I also really like your comment about having these experiences while the stakes are still low and before it has to appear on a permanent transcript. Having these experiences now encourages a child to stretch in ways they might not need to at home. And, it helps them begin to develop a realistic understanding of what ways in which they may need help and accommodations. It is a process that needs to happen but it doesn't need to happen in a way that diminishes the child's chance of getting into college or being successful once they are there.

It is sink or swim time for him now. The 7 hour a day musical theater class is very challenging in all kinds of ways. The director is even having him work through his lunch because he has a lead role and they are only taking a month to do this play instead of half days over two months like they did last year.

He doesn't want me at rehearsals so I stay home. He doesn't want me to help him practice his lines like I used to because some of the lines are embarrassing--there is mild sexual innuendo throughout the play. He also doesn't want me to be there to see him kiss the princess which he will have to do as the prince. He says it is embarrassing but he will get over it, but he doesn't need me watching him while he does it. His friend told me that my son had to work on Song of Love with the girl who is playing the princess after lunch so he was supposed to be going over the song lyrics as he ate his lunch so I left his lunch there. I couldn't even stay for a few minutes.

My son learned that he can write notes easily using his iPhone that he keeps in his pocket and there are a lot of notes to take, lots of things to remember when you have a lead role.

The director, on top of asking him to have his lines memorized by next Monday wants him to write a 10-minute play and turn it in to her on Monday. She talked him into running for assistant director or something like that and writing a play is a requirement for this. He agreed to it and now he's regretting it but he says he will do it if he has to.

I talked to the director this morning and told her I wondered if he would be able to write the play and memorize all of his lines in such a short amount of time but she said she knew he could because he had such a good memory. She has known him since he was four and she has never seen him have trouble memorizing anything. I told her his memory used to be good before he had such trouble sleeping because of the brace and the migraines and the foot and back pain. She still thinks he can do it.

I have noticed that my son seems to be enjoying the attention he is getting from the girls in his class. This could be a motivating factor in getting all of the work done in time.

For now he is spending enough time around other kids. I don't know how much is really enough. I know that it usually gets kind of lonely at home when school starts and all of his friends go back to public school and he only sees them once or twice a week.

I do think he learns more at home by himself than he would in a classroom but he would miss out on classroom discussion. I really wanted him to take a co-op literature class in the fall but he says he will learn more if he doesn't have a teacher telling him what he has to read. He says he can talk to me and his dad about what he reads and he does this all the time.

My dad agrees with my son and says there are lots of people who were self-taught. He doesn't think my son needs any more friends because there are about twenty kids ages 4 - 20 in the musical theater group. He says he didn't have any friends as a teenager because he had a job and school and didn't have time for friends. He said it didn't hurt him.

I just see that my adult daughter has so many friends that she has kept in touch with since high school and she just seems to have so much fun with life. I want that for my son too.

Thank you. That is helpful.

Thank you. Online classes that have live components might be something good for me to look into. My son does not want people to see that he needs any kind of accommodation. I couldn't understand why until a few days ago. I was trying to get him to hold the knife the "normal way" when he cut his food and he got really upset and asked why people just assume that anyone that has to do something differently has a mental disorder? He showed us how his hand weakness and index finger with hypermobile joint is worthless for providing enough support to cut food normally. He says he has to do it the way he does it and whose business is it anyway?

He is very aware of judgmental people. He is a very smart kid and he sees it in their eyes. We have judgmental people in our family and it is one of the things that really bothers him. My college professor sister-in-law said something about his problem with cutting with a knife several years ago. She didn't think the way he did it looked very attractive. He can write legibly because writing doesn't take as much strength as cutting but his writing is slow and he has pain in his hands if he writes very long.

If more teachers would let him use his iPhone for taking notes and answering essay questions and let him leave the class to take pain meds when he needs them or stretch to relieve the pain from the scoliosis, I would feel better about putting him in more classes. My son is doing the best he can to deal with all of this. When he was little, clothing tags and socks bothered him and now he lives with pain and it makes me so mad that some teachers just expect him to color in the lines exactly like everyone else without any accommodations.

These really are tough decisions and I still have mixed feelings.

Thank you for the suggestions.

It is great your son is doing so well in the play. I know it is really hard Lori but I would strongly encourage you to stay out of it. It is your son's obligation and his responsibility to complete it or ask for an extension or whatever help he needs. Learning what you can take on is a life skill everyone needs. Learning how to ask for help when you are in over your head is again something people need to learn to do. You aren't going to be going to his college professors and telling them his private medical information and I don't think you should with the theater director either. Your son is telling you he wants distance and you should listen to that. Let him work it out.


It isn't his whole education, he will still have plenty of time to learn on his own. There are certain things that can only be learned in groups and one of them is how to handle it when you get an assignment you don't like.


But, your son doesn't have school or a job. So, other than the once a week theater group he's got nothing. And, people are all different. For many kids loneliness intensifies during the teenage years. I don't think it makes sense to opt for isolation because it didn't hurt your dad.

Your son may not get a great gang of kids he can really relate to at this age, but doing all of his school work on line he's closing off one potential avenue for interaction.

If teachers, even private school teachers, are refusing your son necessary and reasonable accommodations for his disability, they are almost certainly in violation of the ADA and section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act.

From this page :

Q. Does the ADA affect private schools?

A. Yes, Title III of the ADA prohibits discrimination by public accommodations. They must eliminate unnecessary eligibility standards that deny access to individuals with disabilities, make reasonable modifications in policies practices and procedures that deny access to individuals with disabilities unless a fundamental alteration in the nature of the program would result and furnish auxiliary aids such as interpreters notetakers or readers when necessary to ensure effective communication unless an undue burden or fundamental alteration would result.

It seems to me there are possibly three choices (maybe more that you can think of).
1. Get some occupational therapy and see if there are other options for helping him with these tasks. The purpose of this isn't just to please other people, but to make his life easier so he's less tired and he has more options available to him. While right now he may not care, someday when he is on a date or whatever he may wish that he had another way to use his knife.
2. Do nothing and internalize the negative comments from other people and feel bad about them.
3. Do nothing and reject other people as judgmental for hurting him.
4. Learn healthier ways to deal with feelings.

If the only choices are two and three, well then yes three is a better choice. It is probably better to feel bad about other people than to feel bad about yourself. But, that isn't without cost. Feeling so negative and dismissive about other people damages relationships and really promotes feelings of anxiety and rejection. That's not very healthy.

So, it seems to me the better choice would to see if there is any possibility of progress in occupational therapy. I suspect he could learn a few things that likely might help a lot. Just like he learned piano and just like he's learned to type. And, I'd consider some work with a psychologist to get more comfortable with living with disabilities.



I thought he just took one class last year and the teacher let him use his iPhone once he asked to. Has he taken many other co-op classes and had these accommodations refused? My memory was that he didn't want to ask for accommodations and didn't want to draw attention to what he needs. That is exactly why I think he needs to do this at his point in his life because learning self advocacy is a huge part of learning to live with disabilities.

I just don't think it would be that it could be this difficult to get his needs met. Our child just carries a pill in his pocket and has a water bottle and discretely takes meds when he needs to. It is hard for me to imagine if he set up a time to talk with the teacher and explained the exact accommodations he needs for stretching that he would be refused. How often are these classes and how long do they run?

Having an iPhone in class was actually against the co-op's rules. When the writing composition teacher announced that there would be about 15 short answer essay questions requiring answers of at least several sentences each in addition to some multiple choice questions, I knew there was no way my son could finish in one hour. He did not want to advocate for himself because he knew he had a high enough average that he could pass the class even if he got a bad grade on this test. I didn't want him to settle for a lower grade just because of a disability. We had never really talked about how important grades are since this was the first class he had taken since kindergarten where a grade was given. He looked at it like what was learned was more important than the grade and there would be no difference in what he learned, the difference would only have been in what he could show that he knew. It was not worth it for him to risk letting others,like the cute girls in the class, know that he needed to use some kind of accommodation.

I asked for opinions of teachers on teachers.net about the use of an iPhone for typing essay questions answers. One said I was mistaken if I thought no other students would notice and negatively judge the iPhone use. They said what they would see was a kid who thinks he is above the rules and can do whatever he wants, even though phones are against school rules. The teachers.net teacher said hiding the Iphone will cause social issues and it was better for him to follow the rules and use something like an alsphasmart instead. I disagree but I seem to be in the minority.

I just have a feeling that the co-op leaders would feel the same way as the teachers on teachers.net so I am afraid to ask them. I felt that the teacher would understand and she did, which is why I asked her. The co-op leaders are very rule oriented. They are very strict about other things like the types of clothing that can be worn to class. They are very religious and if you say the wrong thing or disagree with something they believe you can get kicked out. My son and I are very aware of this because we have experience with ultra religious family members. He would have rather taken a lower grade than go against their rules. I can understand how he would be reluctant to advocate for himself in this environment. We both worry that we might say the wrong thing to the other members of this co-op. He doesn't know which books or movies are considered by them to be appropriate. A lot of members of our community believe it is wrong to read or watch Harry Potter or play video games. It is one of the reasons he doesn't want to go back.

Our experience has been that the ultra religious people like the people in our co-op and family avoid people and things that go against their views. We are not rejecting them. It is the other way around. My very social daughter moved away from here and rarely goes to our extended family dinners because of the way our family makes her feel. She has lots of friends who invite her over for holiday dinners and she says they all seem to love each other and are not so judgmental. It was healthier for her to move away. My son will move away the first chance he gets and I will miss him but I know this will be the healthiest thing for him. I want him to be able to move away from here.

By the way, Facebook makes it so much easier to see what the people in my family and the co-op believe. I recently read all of their comments about how horrible it was to let kids read or watch Harry Potter and it isn't just Harry Potter, it is anything with witches or wizards or any kind of fantasy. When one of my relative's facebook friends said she would never let her child watch or read Harry Potter or even Disney shows, my relative thanked her for her convictions and said it was a matter of what you put in you will get out. So they watch us and see that my son is reading things they would never allow and playing video games in his free time which they also don't allow and they act like they don't really want my son around their kids, yet they go to public school and are exposed to all kinds of things I don't think she would agree with which doesn't make sense to me but I would never say anything to her about that. It is none of my business.

My son and I just don't know how to carry on a conversation with people in my family who don't read anything except the Bible and talk about sports that we are not interested in. I have reason to believe they think people with disabilities might be more sinful than they are and are being punished by having this disability. Since I have a mother who was a wonderful and very religious woman before suffering a complication during surgery that caused severe brain damage and a son with mild disabilities, I do have a problem being around people who feel this way. They volunteer to help with meals for the homeless and tell everyone about it but they don't visit their sick relatives like my mother or my dad. I think this might be one reason my son thinks he needs to hide his disabilities. I think it is healthier for my son and me to just be polite to people like this when we have to see them but limit contact with them if we can.

The musical theater people in our town have felt some of the same things we have felt. They consider the musical theater group to be family. The kids love each other like brothers and sisters and are very supportive of each other unlike our real family so we are lucky to have this in our community. I don't think my son really has mental health issues because of the love and support he receives there. In this group he has the opportunity to use his gifts and he sees other kids that can't memorize or sing or do some things as well as he can, but they can dance better than he can. It is a very healthy environment for him to be in. He is very social with kids of all ages when he is with this group and I hear him laughing and talking a lot when I go to pick him up. When I brought him lunch yesterday he was sitting in a corner surrounded by four or five girls and he was smiling and talking to them. No wonder he doesn't want me to stay.

My daughter often tells my son that he will find it is very different when he moves away from here. She says most people she has met are not like a lot of the people she met in the town we live in. She even told me that it felt like we were the only normal people here. We moved here from the city where people tend to read more and who are more accepting of differences. We had no idea it would be like this here. I don't know how a psychologist would help us with this kind of situation.

Lori,

I am having a hard time here separating out the issues you and your son have with family members and the co-op over religious beliefs, philosophy and lifestyle choices, and the issues that you are having with the co-op asking for and getting appropriate disability accommodations. Not approving of personal choices and refusing disability accommodations are (or certainly should be) two separate questions. In my opinion, as a mom with a son with some similar issues, if your son is refusing to even try to advocate for his disability-related needs because he assumes that the response will be negative, due to a climate of hostility at the co-op regarding people with disabilities, I think it is doing your son a disservice to leave him in that environment. If he is generalizing and projecting your family's attitudes onto the people at school, or acting based on fear of rejection, then he needs help, either from you or from a counselor or a mentor he trusts who is familiar with disability issues, to help him see that that is not appropriate or healthy, and that he should at least try to get his needs met rather than acting out of learned helplessness. He is at an age where he needs to be getting some practice advocating for his needs in an environment where that advocacy is likely to be successful, if he ever expects to be able to function in a higher education or work environment. In my opinion, as he is at an age where he is also really developing his own self-concept, he doesn't need to be in an environment where he might internalize shame or guilt over his disabilities, which,at least to some extent, are probably going to be with him for life.

I can see the point of the teachers on teacher.net about the use of the iPhone versus a non-internet-connected laptop or Alphasmart on tests. The iPhone allows a student access to a number of aps and online resources that would be very helpful even to students without disabilities on an exam, including spelling and grammar checking and Cliff's notes, etc., and the teacher has no way of ensuring that your son is not using them other than standing over his shoulder continuously. Yes, the other kids will know he has a disability. Yes, the teacher will know that he has a disability. He has to come to the realization that unless he can remediate his disabilities well enough that he will never need any accommodations to participate fully or show what he can do, at some point other people are going to have to find out about them. I'm not knocking the value of being able to participate in settings where the format is already completely accessible to him, but I think that it is unreasonable to expect that it will be the norm. I would point out that the more he can remediate rather than accommodate, the less frequently the question will come up.

I really hope that the two of you can find a solution that will work for your son.

Is there a reason why he can't use an Alphasmart? It is the device that is most commonly used so there is a reason why the teachers online suggested it. They are fairly low cost and they are durable. If part of what he's trying to sort out is for the long term how he will function in a classroom environment I think it would make a lot of sense to look to the tools that are used. I don't find it at all unreasonable that a co-op, school, or classroom of any kind would not allow a student to use an iPhone on a test because access to apps, internet, etc. are not appropriate to have during a test. I would not let a student in my class use an iPhone during a test. It is not a matter of being against people with disabilities or against homeschoolers.

I am hearing some what seems to be very negative and unfair prejudgment of people. It seems everyone in your town will not be understanding, yet, you or your son haven't actually explained the situation or asked for help. Posting a homeschooler on an Internet forum for teachers, asking about an iPhone and then generalizing from that the attitudes about disabilities that all of your son's teacher's doesn't make sense unless your goal is to prevent him from becoming independent.


You asked what a psychologist could help with and there you go. If your son hopes to be able to go to college and get a job, your son has got to get to a place where he's better prepared to live as a person with disabilities. He needs to be able to self advocate. He needs to be able to cope with feelings of difference. The foundation for that comes RIGHT NOW. It isn't something that can just be put off until later.


How do you see that happening? Do you have any sort of plan for that? As I understand it this co-op class last year was his first class with a teacher and grades since he was in kindergarten. And, you stayed with him to take notes and monitor if he was okay. Your son is 12 or 13 right? What are the steps you see needing to happen in order for him to be prepared to move away from home at 18? What will he need to be successful in college?

We went to a co-op meeting and listened to the co-op leaders talk about the classes and activities that were available and it all sounded good to me but my son still didn't want to take any classes with them. The person in charge of the spelling bee remembered that he had won the year before and asked if he was interested in trying that again. He didn't want to do it. He says he doesn't need any more spelling bee trophies. Later he told me that he just doesn't feel like he fits in with that homeschool group and doesn't want to do anything at all with them. I know that he was self conscious about wearing the old scoliosis brace last year. The kids did look at him because it did kind of make him walk like a robot and none of the kids talked to him. They totally ignored him. He heard them talking about things like hunting and fishing and playing sports, things he couldn't do, and most were not allowed to play video games or read the books he read, so he just didn't have anything in common with them. I can see how it would be hard for a middle school aged kid to deal with that.

So we are trying something else to get him around more people so he doesn't feel so isolated. He is trying a free week of martial arts--BJJ and MMA in a nearby town. He can go five nights a week if he wants to. He has been there twice already and although it really challenges his endurance and strength, he likes it. He is in a 14 to adult class. He says the people that he has talked to there are what he considers normal. They are all respectful and supportive and some of the people we talked to in the class sounded very intelligent when they spoke to us. They introduced us to a sixteen year old in the class who is very bright and plays video games in addition to doing very well at martial arts competitions. They said when he started at age 11 or 12 he was similar to my son in some ways. All we told the instructor about my son's disability was that he has mild weakness in some muscles and scoliosis and that his physical therapist recommended martial arts. I thought they would go easy on him and maybe they did but it didn't look like it to me, but my son loves it. He does not look clumsy or uncoordinated at all. He says he focuses on what he is doing and doesn't feel the pain until he gets home. He is willing to tolerate that pain and still go home and wear a painful scoliosis brace for ten hours every night.

I think the physical therapist who told him that it was okay to have pain and that it was just "in the cards" for him to have this pain actually helped him to see that pain was just going to be a normal part of his life. He knows that he can go back to PT if he hurts his knee, like he did just days before his first performance of his latest play. He was able to do all three performances and even though he didn't get to practice the dances as much as the other kids who don't have disabilities and he supposedly has motor dyspraxia. He did a short, but very fast paced dance well with good timing. He did not look like he had a disability of any kind on stage.

For academics, we decided to use studyisland.com to make sure he is learning what he needs to learn in order to test well and trying to make sure that he has no holes in his learning. He did really well on all of his pretests for language arts, history and science but he hasn't done the one for math yet. He will continue to read classics, keep up with the daily news and look up answers to any questions he has.

We paid for a library membership in another town because we don't have one and that library membership gives us access to Mango, which is a language learning system. He has worked on Japanese but wants to try other languages. There is also a free 24 hour writing lab included in our library membership. Writing experts can grade my son's papers and give him advice.

One of the teachers.net teachers told us an iPod might work for note taking in class since it is not connected to the internet. I think that would work better for my son when he decides to do more than internet classes. When he is older and in college or at work I can't see him carrying around an alphasmart to take notes. He will probably use something like the iPhone or iPod that he will carry in his pocket because it is very easy and convenient. He will use a computer for writing papers and letters and nobody will suspect that he has a disability.

I still think if there is any way my son can hide his disabilities it would be better for him especially since he wants to continue acting. My son and I are currently reading Lucky Man by Michael J Fox. We read about the agent that at first didn't seem to want to represent him. He noticed that she kept staring at his shoes. The agent thought they looked like orthopedic shoes and said she wasn't told that he had a "disability." He had to explain that he did not have a disability (he didn't at that time) and he went out and bought different shoes. He definitely didn't want to look like he had a disability. I wonder if the actor that played Harry Potter would have gotten the part if he had told them at the audition that he had dyspraxia. I once worked with a woman who had cerebral palsy and she told me how she felt when people just assumed she was not very bright because of her disability. It was not her imagination. Restaurant workers would often ask the person she was with what she would like to order as if she were not smart enough to do it herself. I was with her when it happened once. I guess she just needed psychological help and to learn to cope with her feelings of difference. As part of my job at the time I sometimes took people with developmental disabilities, some who walked a little differently, to the bus station. I felt people staring when we walked into the bus station together. Maybe I was prejudging the people who stared at us, but I thought those people were either ignorant or just plain rude. I also listened to stories from parents of kids with disabilities whose kids were in public school who had to deal with bullies who picked on them and teachers who ignored the situation.

My son continually improves in his ability to deal with physical challenges. He was able to do well in a lead role in his musical theater group without any help from me. He even worked on his lines and songs when there new online games that he wanted to try out. This would have been a problem a few years ago. Time management skills are improving and I think will continue to improve before he goes to college.