Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Imaginary Friends

DD13 had a whole slew of them. DD 2.9 has got them. She started with a black cat about a year ago. Over the past few months a girl and boy have been showing up. But they are official at this point. I don't really mind them except when in public and complex logistics and conversations that concern them occur. Just looking for what people have done... specially in public..what would you do differently etc. With Dd13 when she was little I never knew who was going to show for dinner and really it became a bit over the top when the table could not fit all the "family" I am a bit better at saying no but sometimes the argument is more than just allowing everyone their place at the table.... Anyways thoughts?

I didn't do anything about it Sometimes I just had to explain that DS traveled with a family of imaginary cats. They drove in a car behind us wherever we went and caused all kinds of mischief lol You better look out because DS started with one black cat too! His name was E.G. and one by one his family started to move in with us! Those cats were around forever!

DD had Eleanor who lived in her invisible pocket. Eleanor was 11 feet tall and had red eyes which did concern me! Then Eleanor's sister Tina joined us. It was Tina's birthday everyday! what fun! Eventually Eleanor moved out of state with my SIL when she came to visit. A year later Eleanor moved back!

Her oddest friend was BigLittle. A tapemeasure that would extend it's lonnngggg tongue to lick cat food off the ceiling.

Kids are so imaginative, I never minded if they seemed "odd" in public. Actually, because I would just explain the imaginary friend thing most people thought it was really neat and shared imaginary friend stories about their own children and sometimes themselves

I always just went along with the imaginary friend discussion, even in public.

There is a book, "It was you blue kangaroo", about an imaginary stuffed animal. My DD and I loved the book series. (I'm not sure this addresses you exact concerns, but it's fun)

I NEVER played a along with the imagniary friend! I am the mommy, the boss and I believe that my children need me to be "sane" and it actually allowed them to explore their imaginary friends without worrying that they were altering the world. Too much control for my kids is and was too much for them. When I did play along, my little one would ALWAYS make sure that I knew it was just a game. So, I knew it bothered her if I played too. When I played along with my older daughter when she was little...she took it way too far...never coming back. She told people her name was Gloria...for a very long time. 6 months? After about 3, I just let them believe that her name was Gloria, but I think if I kept correcting her, she would have changed her name on her Birth Certificate. I try to stay far away from those imaginary friends. Moms have no business in that world...we mess things up! I just say, roll with it....but don't play along. If the "friend" needs a chair, let your child get the chair...chances are that the work will become too much and she will just let the "friend" share a chair with her. In public....say.."FRIEND is your friend and you need to make sure she doesn't distrupt things." When the resposibility is theirs only, it can become overwhelming and the FRIEND will become less important!

Hi Flower
DS5 has an incredibly complex imaginary world.He has maps, transportation systems, characters and equipment. It is often tough to keep track of. DS will often have the characters in groups of 3, so DH and I are assigned a role (he's an only). Sometimes I forget who goes with who, there are dogs, superheros, scary superheros, bugs, weather controllers, body parts, etc. Always in groups of 3. For DS its mostly inside but every once in awhile its outside too - which can be strange when he calls me Leslie (Mr. Big's sidekick from wordgirl, he often takes characters and makes a whole new storyline or expands on what he saw or read) but its usually when the two of us are walking or on line at a store. I have never minded that but pretty early on he knew he was making everything up and started to revel in his imaginary worlds.

What concerned us was that he created elaborate imaginary worlds to deal with his age-mates in school. When the other kids were playing tag, his team of villains was trying to "get" these two girls and guy who had excluded him from their play. We got concerned about how elaborate the scenarios were, how focused they were on the other kids, and how oblivious his "friends" were to what he was doing. They would listen to some of it, they enjoyed some of his storytelling but often it was too much and it was clear there was no give and take of make believe. So we have had to stress that its just pretend and he can't do any of it in real life. He got somewhat annoyed at that. I think it was his coping mechanism for an ill fitting pre-k. We actually talked to him about not doing "the game" at camp and his new K school.

But on the whole, I love his world and don't suppress it at all. We save all the drawings and have tried to keep track of all the character combinations. We have cut it off at the dinner table or out in public but only if its inappropriate to the setting or he is using to try to control the conversation (like when DH and I are talking to each other).

DeHe

Oh, I kind of miss DD's imaginary friends. Gosh, I hope I still have the list of their names that I wrote down at one point. Her most frequent companions were three cats, but there were 10-20 additional cats and dogs. We went along with it to a point but of course never allowed her to blame things on them.

I think they peaked around age 3/4 and went away in late 5s.

DS8 had an imaginary cousin a couple of years ago, which is one of the few things he's ever shown any imagination about. In his own words, he's "not a fiction kind of guy" for the most part, so I just let him go with his cousin when he had him. I haven't heard anything about Cousin George for a long time now.

Oddly enough, DD5 hasn't mentioned any particular imaginary friends, and she's the one who has all the imagination in the family! She does all kinds of imaginary play with her stuffed animals, though. She probably has so many critters that she doesn't need to make any up!

DS5 had number friends starting around 3 maybe? And there was a time when he also had state friends and planet friends, and all sorts of other things. For a while 19 was the main character among several numbers. They are mostly all girls and they can fly. Numbers like to eat poison ivy and salt and pepper. They also like rotten apples, and the only kind of fresh apples they eat are yellow ones. Then 6 showed up and became his best number friend and the others kind of faded away. Sometimes I hear about 9 because "She is always running out of purple paint." Last year, around the time that our baby was born, he married 6 (although he informs me they were married in 2009) and they have 3 children, Olivia, Quinn, and a baby, David. He and 6 both work at a hospital in Utah and she does surgery and he does anesthesia. They also run a Mexican restaurant in Little Rock. Recently they've also been taking pictures of objects in space. Last night he told DH, "6 is taking pictures of trans-Neptunian objects." Tonight at dinner he told me that "There is no dirt in Number World. There is only soil."

Needless to say, I'm fairly entertained by the things he comes up with. Sometimes it gives me insight into what he's thinking about. Sometimes it just seems totally wacky. When he was younger we would sometimes need to explain that he had number friends when he would say puzzling things to strangers. Lately he doesn't seem to talk about them much to other people. He has never demanded that I set an extra place for 6 or anything like that. It seems that all things that go along with her are imaginary as well. If he says something like we need to wait for 6, there is usually some solution that he can come up with on his own. Sometimes I have to prompt him: Can 6 take her own car? How will 6...etc. Occasionally he has told me that 6 is going to do some naughty thing and I say, well, what are you going to tell her to get her to stop? I can talk to 6, but I can't hear what she's saying, so he always has to deal with her himself.

Good luck with your black cat. I have a real one and he tries to lay on my head while I'm sleeping.

Hi everyone...love the stories!!! They have helped me remember what I did with my older daughter. My eldest also tried to include kids her own age into the stories but they were unable to to follow it all.... She also seemed to work a lot of stuff out through the dynamics of everyone. She and I discussed them a few years ago when as I was learning about gifted stuff. It was an interesting discussion as I had not heard anything about them for awhile, but I think she still had some of them around even as old as 11-12. I definitely am into supporting what ever developmental significance these entities provide.... I am trying to evade some of the problems I had with my older DD. I think I am not the best at saying, "No" so... was trying to come up with some rules that could be implemented in the infrastructure of the imaginary world.... something along the line when out in public everyone fits in a pocket. I remember one time with the older DD waiting for a table for three and the negotiations that followed as she wanted a table for ten...She was not much of a tantrum one, but the younger one is... I dread the scenes that could evolve....

On an interesting note...Both DD's started with a black cat. DD2.9 has started talking about the family relationships between the characters and it really is not unlike DD13's when she was little... So is that parenting or is that genetics? I have been pretty silent about it all so it is not like DD2.9 has been picking up information. With the age gap I am quite different and circumstances are quite different for them both.

Has anyone had the opportunity to see another child, not their own, immersed in this kind of play? In some ways its not much different than giving a variety of roles to stuffed animals/barbies etc. Yet there is a difference that's hard to describe. It is a completely self generated inner projection that is being concretized. There is a sense of depth I would assume being revealed since there is no outside vehicle (such as a stuffed animal etc.) from which to influence the direction of the imagination. It does seem that circumstances influence the play to a certain degree, but the interactions and or resolutions are self-generated.