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I am being stupid as well, so sorry! But isn't that kind of normal for a gifted kid? My oldest is verbally at 99.7th, and my third child is two nearly three and not tested but I assumed gifted as well as she's reading a bit etc. Poeple think she's going to school next year although she's not going for three years. She says things like "Mum, (person) says you have to write her a letter so I can have cows' milk at creche." But she can't say "k" or "g" sounds or "th" and sometimes we have to ask her to repeat herself or translate for other people or use a word in another sentence. Yes she sometimes finds this frustrating as do we. But I would not have pegged it as abnormal.
Apologies if I have missed the point.

Like Kerry we do the repeating back thing with our kids. It wasn't intentional, it's just what we naturally do to teach them speach. When my 15 month old says "ca" I say "Yes! Car." when she says "Ba" I say "Yes! Bath, you wan to have a bath". When my older toddler says something I am not quite sure of I will repeat back my best guess at what they said. But other than that I think it's just parenting and discipline to manage their behaviour as they learn to talk. As well as learning to talk they have to learn acceptable behaviour and how to manage frustration. I would read some really good parenting books, I like "easy to love, difficult to discipline" and "raising your spirited child".

Please excuse my typos and lack of caps, I am on my phone.

Oh! I hate it that I'm explaining things so badly people are feeling stupid.... <hangs head in shame> I really appreciate the help, guys, even if *I'm* too dumb to be clear <hides>

a) The behavioral issues don't include tantrums at all. I would characterize him as exceptionally easy to discipline (not that that was ALWAYS true, mind you ), babysitters and the SLP agree with this.

b) The main problems are
-a reticence to speak _or connect_ under certain circumstances,
-a "stutter" (not a standard stutterers' stutter, it's more like someone saying "um,um,um" a lot to indicate they're still speaking, but having trouble finding words -- which he also does a lot)
-"flat" affect, but not with simple sentences. His pragmatics are great when he keeps himself to 2yr-appropriate utterances.
-some wierdness around volumn
-some circumlocutions that are becomming ingrained.

These behaviors mean he sometimes appears quite aspie... which is wierd since it is REALLY REALLY plain as the nose on his face that he has no kind of ASD, no way, no how (but both his parents do, so perhaps it's learned behavior???) He "comes out" on a dime, the moment he percieves that someone is willing to listen to him. Which is part of _why_ the SLP saw his capabilities this time, when she made ready to listen, he sized her up, and gave her very precicly what she needed/wanted.

Also it now appears his former "speech delay" was really just frustration. He has gone from 12-15 month appropriate speech to the 4.5-5yr thing in 6mos with no treatment [we turned the treatment down.]

The thing that seems most significant to me is the shell-climbing behavior when he doesn't think his audience is working at hearing him. He's really very social, his social skills appear (not assessed) to be also a bit precocious. I don't want him to "give up" on people.

-Mich

I gotta talk b4 I listen then I'll go back an read th' whole thread... It's because when the adults misinterpret the intent of what he's saying it drives him nuts, right? My boy does that. "no, that's not what I'm saying..." and you can twist his words just a little and he interrupts you with a "no", which is hilarious because the a-dults don't have patience for that kind of precision demand from an infant, lol.

I think he's quite self-aware about the difficulty he has forming statements... I think he's frustrated LONG before anyone has trouble understanding him. I think he's actaully most frustrated when he's alone. I often hear him try and say something over the monitor, and fail a couple of times, and then throw something and call out for me. It's one of the reasons he can't seem to play by himself much...

He alters his speech drastically to suit his audience. I talked to a babysitter about the appt, and she tried using more complex language with him, and she said he really opened up, just over the course of 2 hrs, after having spent a lot of time with her in the past.

On the other hand, I really get what you're saying about adults not having patience for a toddler expecting to be listened to *carefully.* People often stop looking at him, and ask me how he is, because they read his elaborate reply as simple babble --even when it's clearly ennunciated, they just assume he couldn't have meant what he said.

DS gives up completely if you misunderstand him. Even if it's just that there was a car backfiring a block away or something, he won't repeat, just looks dejected and changes the subject.

-Mich.

I can tell you are a very kindhearted and compassionate mother.

You may not like my advice but here goes...
I would suggest letting go paying attention to it so much. You can't save him from asychronous development. It isn't your job. He will get through this and in time he will find it easier to communicate as time goes on. I wouldn't worry that he will "give up on people" or anything so dramatic. He will be frustrated. Yes, that's part of it. And, in time it will get easier.

I think that I agree with passthepotatoes to some extent.

But reading your two most recent posts has possibly given me some insight into DD#2, the almost 5yr old who is off to the psychologist about not talking to adults she doesn't know well next week. I have wondered if she stopped talking to other adults because someone reacted badly when she was a talking 10 month old, but having been unable remember anything like that I had dismissed that theory. Perhaps giving up on trying to talk to people who wouldn't listen or underestimated her was part of where this habit formed. Her diction was always pretty amazing for her age, it actually got worse as she started mumbling as one of her many speech avoidance strategies. Retrospectively my DD would have qualified for a selective mutisim diagnosis 18 months to 3.5 years and has slowly come out it enough that now we have been directed to a generalist clinical psychologist instead of a selective mutisim specialist. We'll see what the psych says about her on Tuesday.

I think my advice would be don't worry too much, but do keep an eye (ear) out for selective mutisim developing. A child that won't talk can be a real problem.