Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Little Negoiators?

Anyone dealing with this?

Mr W (3y5m) never takes no for an answer and is always looking to split the difference.

For example. He lost some privileges earlier in the week. This morning he talked to DW on the way to school.

"Mommy, we need to talk."

"Yes, dear?"

"I want to do XXXX."

"Well, you lost XXX when you were bad."

"But, Mommy, that was just one day."

"But we told you to listen and you hurt XXXX."

"But, Mommy, I was good the other practices before that..." (Proceeds to list the days and dates.)

"Yes, but you were still bad.."

"I think those good days should count."

Sounds familiar. The wife and I have both remarked (and so I believe have family members) that DS5 is like a little lawyer at times.

Yep, very familiar We still say DS 12 is either going to be a laywer or a politician.

Ditto. To some extent, we've encouraged the negotiation process. We've tried to emphasize to both girls that they aren't likely to get what they want unless they ask for it. Also, DD8 still has the occasional sensory meltdown, so when she's able to maintain enough control to ask for an alternative, we often agree if it's something equivalent.

My 13-year-old son was like at your son's age and still is. My adult daughter, who was also like that, uses negotiation skills in closing sales and usually outsells the people who have more education than she has. She says negotiating is a very useful skill and I should be glad my son has this ability. I can't wait until she has kids.

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes.

Same thing here. If he's lost an item for bad behavior, "when can I get it back, well that's too long to wait, I won't do it again, I'm really quite well-behaved usually, if I promise to be good you could give it back, perhaps I could choose another toy that you could take away, Well, you are not being nice, because you took away my xx, so you don't get anymore flowers, Mama!"

this sounds like my oldest son too! lol

we get the 'If you don't let me do (insert activity of current choice here), then I will break your computer/rip your clothes/never help you again/never talk to you again/mess up your room/etc.

we also get the charm turned on full tilt to try and persuade us that he is awesome and fun to be with and that he is loving and kind and therefore deserves his "treat"

While yes there needs to be an end point to the conversation I don't see some negotiating as bad. Learning how to express what you want and to justify it is a life skill all people need to develop.

One more thing that might help is to avoid language like "you were bad." It really isn't very specific and it does open you up to the question about being good. So, it might eliminate a bit of the trouble if you use very specific, related consequences. "Because you broke the computer rules, no computer for one week." Kid: "I want to use the computer" Parent: "I know you do because you really enjoy the computer, but you broke the computer rule so no computer for one week. What do you think you'll do first when you get your computer privileges back."

Isn't the whole negotiation "thing" amazing?

My four year old does this with time, for example. I'll tell him he has five minutes until we need to leave the (add place here) and he will say, "No, mom. Ten minutes." and he looks to me for a counter-offer! We negotiate back-and-forth until a mutually agreed upon time is established.

What's funny about this is I make him count down the last minute (from 60 seconds) and that's when I get the push-back. I've made him leave early because he refuses to count down his last minute. (Ok...I'm anal on this point. Being punctual is very important to me.)

Personally, I'm okay with the whole negotiation tactic to get what he wants. After all, many aspects of life are spent in negotiation of one sort or another. If he can learn this "art" early, I've done an important part of my parenting job.

Just had to
DS loves to give me flowers. The more bugs on them, the better.