Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Trouble on Madison Street

I'm starting to get more concerned about B (5yo in K) and school. He's had a rough time of it lately.

Last week, he got in a fist fight with another child -- and that's not like him at all. It was something to do with playing chase, and the other child did something that did not suit B, and B hauled off and smacked the kid in the face. He says he hit him four times, the teacher says two -- I trust B on this one. No one was hurt, but obviously this is completely unacceptable. He hasn't done anything like this in ages.

And yesterday, they were doing a cut-and-paste project that had to do with counting and cutting -- I don't know exactly what, it was a k project. B didn't finish in the time allotted, because he was talking. And then he didn't finish in the extra time he was given, because he was talking. And then he had to do it during Choice Time -- and he *still* didn't finish, because he was talking! He had to move his behavior marker from green to yellow.

Also yesterday, he told his teacher that he hadn't read the book he was supposed to -- but he HAD! I saw him reading it and asked him questions about it. And it's the book for his "advanced" group. How weird is that?

The other thing I'm seeing is that his handwriting is just *not* improving. He takes no care to space or size his letters and words right, half the letters are still backward, and though he does spell everything right, it takes some serious deciphering to read it.

He says he hates kindergarten and never wants to go.

I just have no idea what to do next. The principal, after a friendly reminder email last week, is supposed to be getting back to us about the IAS. But with his handwriting the way it is ... I doubt they'll accommodate his writing at all if we bump him to second grade in the fall, so he'd massively struggle there. So I don't even know if *that's* the right thing to do either.

Sorry for the whiney post ... I don't know what to do. HS is just not an option for us, financially and all sorts of other -lys. We hope to move in the fall, and I'm investigating other options ... I'm just so frustrated and sad for my little guy.

Thanks for letting me vent ... poor kid. And he's extra sad because we took away his World of Warcraft playing after his fight, deciding that even the fairly innocuous violence wasn't good for him. He *loves* playing that game, and he's a sadder boy without it.

Mia

Oh, Mia! I'm so, so sorry!

What are your options? Sticking with his class for 1st grade and grade-skipping to 2nd are the two obvious ones. Are there any other options, since these obvious options don't sound quite good enough on their faces.

How are the 1st and 2nd grade teachers? Is there a chance to place B with someone who gets him?

Can you work on the writing to get him up to snuff, or perhaps suggest that he type his work somehow? I hate to hear that handwriting is keeping a kid from getting what he needs. That's just so wrong, I think.

I'm sorry for B and for you! {{{Hugs}}}

We've been working on the writing, and honestly it actually seems to be getting worse! In his mind, he knows how to write, and he *doesn't* want to slow down to make it legible -- he doesn't care if anyone else can read it, as long as he can.

Ha, in December his father (who is a self-serving, self-righteous prick, to be honest) said that he'd have him writing well in two months. So much for that. Oooh, that guy ... anyway ...

And you're right -- it seems so wrong that he can't do what he *can* do because of the handwriting. And I know that will be a big barrier for him, especially at this school which isn't jumping to accommodate him anyway. I'm guessing it will be a big stumbling point. And besides -- then is second grade going to be too hard for him writing-wise? Would it even be good for him to skip if he's ready everywhere else, just not on the writing?

Honestly, I have no idea about the teachers. We don't really know anyone around here to ask, and I wouldn't even know who to start asking! Any ideas? Maybe I'll email the gifted teacher and see what she thinks (though, if you remember, the last I talked to her she hadn't even met the kid).

Options for next year are really limited. We're planning on moving in the fall, so another school is an option, but we're still trying to decide where. And even after we decide where, we have to convince ex-h that ds should go to the new school. Theoretically, if it's best for B, he'll be all for it. See above paragraph about ex-h, though ... So it's kind of a timing thing. The problem is that our current lease is up September 1, so it doesn't even make sense to start looking at houses until the spring. Since we live in a big city area, there are tons of options on where to move ... so many that I can't even start to narrow it down, really.

We're just kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place for now. It's so frustrating. Advice: Don't get divorced! Parenting would be much easier with only one set of decision-makers, especially with an outside-the-box kind of kid.

I think if I were you, I'd start narrowing the options for moving to a single school district (or maybe 2, if you're really ambitious). You don't need to find the house, but decide on an area. Then you can start researching schools now, while there's time to make decisions. The more you can do early, the better chance you have of finding something that will really work for B.

Are you going to buy or rent the next place? Do you have a real estate agent or rental agent yet? If not, I'd say get one and start asking questions about schools. I don't think they're allowed recommend anything specifically, but the one we had was very good at answering the question without saying any "wrong words." Be sure she knows about B's situation so that she doesn't just say, "Oh, yes, XYZ is a good school system." You need details about GT ed! That they are allowed to offer you.

Then you could put B in the new school starting at the beginning of the year and not even have to worry about the school he is at now.

Have you tried getting B to write a book for others to read? That helped my DS with his writing more than anything. If it's writing designed for others, he makes more of an effort. It may not work, but it's something else to try.

Some of it is just age. He's 5! 5yos don't write very well. There's not a lot that can be done about that. By next year, he may show vast improvement just by virtue of his aging a year. <shrug> I'd fight hard against keeping him in 1st if the only concern is his writing.

Have you gotten the IAS for him, to see if grade-skipping is recommended? I think it is, but it's worth having the test to get the official seal of approval...

I'm so sorry Mia--it's hard enough to deal with kid issues, much less unsupportive ex. The best thing you can do is do something to make yourself feel better (phone friend, get a Starbucks,?); then address B's issues (I only say this because I feel somewhat paralyzed when I'm feeling down).

I really don't think writing should hold your son back. First off, because he is young, his motor skills are not as advanced as his brain. Improvement WILL come with age and practice. Keep advocating for the skip (if you and B believe it's right). Work on writing this summer and keyboarding (Grinity had both a handwriting program suggestion and maybe a keyboarding one) in anticipation that he'll also physically mature/motor skills.

I am sorry, nothing personal but:

WORLD OF WARCRAFT FOR A 5 YEAR OLD!!!!!!

We're hoping to buy the next place. And that's kind of what I'm thinking -- narrow down the options, start shopping around, and find the best fit. And no, we don't have a real estate agent yet -- are they really helpful with school stuff? Being on the younger side, I just don't have a lot of life experience with this stuff yet.

And yes, he's only 5, but he's almost 6, and like I say -- it doesn't seem to be getting better after 6 months of school. I thought there'd be some improvement, but there really doesn't seem to be. On the bright side, he's getting faster at writing illegibly ...

And the IAS ... there's another thing that *really* irking me. I've had the manual for months and first requested that it be done back in December. Then in January we requested formally (in writing *and* in person) that it be done; the principal told us she needed to gather the materials, so she'd need a week or two. I emailed her last week to check up since it had been a while ... and was told that she needed to gather the materials, so she'd need a week or two -- and she'd contact ME when she had everything. Right. I'm calling early next week if I haven't heard from her.

When I fill in the IAS both as I would do it and as I think the school would do it, B is a "good" candidate. And ha -- it doesn't include handwriting. :P

Ania -- well, he uses a mage -- it's magic more than fighting. He loves it.

cym -- yep, looking into Handwriting Without Tears ... in fact, may order that today.

Ours was helpful, though we had no kids at the time, so we were just looking for a "good" school district. At least they can (subtly) direct you toward areas that are more likely to have what you need. Then if you can find a GT support group or even a PTA in the area, you can ask some more pointed questions to actual parents. Finding the right parents to ask is going to be the hard part, I'm afraid. Even regular GT families' answers might not help you, since their kids might fit better than B will. HG+ families don't wear signs, unfortunately.

And good for you for staying on the principal. Don't let her weasel out of it! Grrr...

Mia-

My now-adult son had TERRIBLE fine motor skills when he entered school. He was instantly put on an OT plan, and had PT as well. I really cannot imagine your son's writing being worse. My son was still advanced a grade for math and reading (yeah, big whoop for a PG kid, but we were so ignorant!) and he really did not have any trouble keeping up with the amount of writing needed in lower elementary. IF the school tries to make it an issue, ask them if an "age appropriate" first or second grader would be held back for poor handwriting. I'll bet not- they'd just do their best to accommodate and support.