Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Stranger Observations

This weekend, we went to purchase a new mattress and had our four year old with us. While we were there, he was playing around; laying on the beds with us, helping customers when they came in, reading the specs on the beds, and taking pictures with one of the staff's cell phone.

Anyway, the associate who was helping us looked at ds and said, "You're how old? Five?" He told her he was four. She then said, "You're an overachiever, aren't you?" I looked up at her with what, I'm sure, was a startled look on my face. Out of the blue, she said that she has a son who read at 2.5 years old and was like ds at his age. She gave me the impression she had a gifted child and was feeling me out about it.
My first impulse was to talk about early reading, but I said nothing.

Since ds was about a year and a half, I've seen some unusual looks on people's faces, but nobody has given such specific unsolicited observations on his actions, and this is the first time someone gave me the feeling they recognized a gifted child.

I'm curious, what do you say when someone makes comments like these? Do you just smile and nod like I did, or what? Do you comment on a stranger's child that you notice has traits like your child(ren) do?

Is there some unwritten etiquette among parents of gifted that I should know?

LOL...I'm still trying to figure this out and my DS is 10! When he was 3 we'd go to the pediatricians office and we'd be waiting for our appointment near a bin of children's books and he'd be reading books aloud. The looks on the some of the parents faces! I knew he was really bright but I had no idea that Magic Treehouse Series is too advanced for a 3.5 year old : )

It's funny how it's a little dance you do. First the antenna go up and then you wonder if you should make the first comment... or you've just gotten the "code" about their dc reading at 2.5 or 3.0 or something and you have to think on your feet. Do I say something and possibly sound arrogant? What if I'm off base here.

I was once in a ladies lounge on vacation and a mom had taken her son into the stall. He was chatting on and on about big concepts- a total giftie imho. I almost wrote down the name of this website and slipped it under the door! But I hesitated to say something. And I've felt funny ever since. LIke I could have helped someone understand their child if they hadn't already realized the gifted piece. Sigh. It won't happen again. I think sometimes people just want to smooth the way for other parents.

If it were sports, we'd be all over each other with-- oh my dc loves xyz and plays for 7 select teams..

Exactly!

Maybe it's too much to expect that it will ever get "normal"?

I think I would have had the same inclination! (I'm a "helper").

You're right about the sports angle. Why is it that the kids with "physical brains" get swept under the rug?

Turns out I need to go down to the mattress store this week to talk to the sales associate about something that came up.

I've been wondering whether or not to ask her about her child. Should I say something to her? It's so unusual to stumble upon someone who understands an "advanced" child.

I'll post what (if anything) comes of this.

My hope is she, being a mother of an older "giftie" will have local resources and groups that we can participate in.

Hm, I always found it more awkward when the stranger doing the commenting didn't have a kid like that and wanted to know how I taught him to read at 2.5, or would offer up some other unsolicited and strange comment/question.

When I asked how to deal with that a few years back I got some good advice, which was to say something like, "oh, he just loves books", or "he's always been into numbers". It acknowledges their question without really answering it and also subtly implies that you didn't drill with flashcards.

Now, as far as a secret handshakes and such, I just start out with something like, "your son reminds me so much of mine at that age," or "oh, my son is really into space too -- they would really hit it off", just naturally commenting on whatever it is that is making you think they're gifted. Why does it have to be harder than it is for parents with kids in competitive swim team? It's unlikely that anyone is going to be offended that you have noticed their child is smart.

I remember having a great sense of dread when DS had just started to read and a friend with a child the same age asked me if she had really just seen him read. She said, "tell me the truth." (gulp). But then she said, "my brother did the same thing." And I was so relieved I almost started to cry. I hadn't been able to talk to anyone about what he was doing.

Over the years I've found that other parents who've gone through school or behavior problems or whatever already are very willing to share and be helpful, because they also have experienced the isolation and overwhelming responsibility of blazing a trail for their children.

Good luck!

For the last five years we have gotten away with hiding ds 5's abilities due to his speech. People outside of our family usually couldn't make out what he says very well so people didn't notice. This year is the first year that others have commented because he's able to articulate his words more. We have always laughed that if people really new what he was saying they would be shocked.