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Is there anything wrong with being branded pushy? My mom got a lot more of what we wanted after she stopped being nice and put her foot down, after 2 years of me being miserable in public schools (and a fourth grade social studies teacher yelling at me for contradicting her when she said the pilgrims were the first white people in the US). Somehow I automatically got assigned to the best teachers and so on after that without having to request anything, and teachers no longer dared take anything out on me. Later on my mom learned that she'd get more appreciation on her job and better treatment in a hospital setting if people thought of her as pushy rather than as a doormat.

Obviously you shouldn't start hostile, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to talk. You don't have to be pushy about it at all... we've been told that principals and teachers often like it when parents request an informal meeting just to learn about the school and discuss the upcoming year. Though this appreciation of parental involvement is is probably more true in the lower SES neighborhood schools than in the higher SES neighborhood schools. You could also probably use such a meeting to discuss volunteer opportunities and other kinds of issues, approaching it as a how can we help, how can we move forward, here are our special issues, etc. kind of meeting.

But if later, push comes to shove, there's nothing wrong with being firm and polite, and yes, a bit pushy.

It is looking as though we are going to send our DD5 to public half day (actually only 2.5 hr) kindergarten this year. As I mentioned, we have achievement testing done where she hit the ceilings and was operating at least on a third grade level during preschool, yet our school says that there will be "many kids like her" in her class. She is also VERY extroverted, highly excitable, and can appear ADHD like on the surface. They saw test scores, with her language /reading being four standard deviations from the mean, but acted as if that would be common at their public school. I haven't met a child like her in this community. I am not saying they don't exist, I am sure they do, but I also don't picture a class teeming with kids like her. The good thing is she loves everyone and is playful and creative and social. She (this is the only place I can say this and not prepare to be stoned) brings herself down to her playmates level and in pre-k also (another hot phrase coming) dumbed herself down there and I don't want her to do that in K. Maybe I worry too much, who knows. I am just worried they won't see who she really is and she won't show it...I gave them some numbers but they didn't know what to do with them. We do have an IQ test from when she was three but that doesn't hold that much weight. UGH. They don't have any gifted programming until second grade or third when they have told me she will most likely "even out" and be at a typical level. I am not looking for a grade skip, though she could easily whiz through first in no time (her handwriting is even good), because I worry about her socially, but I do want them to give her appropriate levels of work. I just don't know what to do next. I apologize for circling over this so many times, for some reason the whole issue makes my head spin.

We will be in kinder too. I was told to wait for the fall MAP (they test beginning of September) to see where the rest of the kinder kids fall. EJ testing with the spring group to see if he could skip kinder. Unfortunatly he missed the read (even tho he scored better then the average winter first grader it wasn't enough for him in reading). He will get acceleration in math. They will decide after the testing how it will occur. If there are kids like him (his spring map had him above the 90th percentile for incoming first graders) they will try to cluster him and give him first grade math in class, otherwise they will put him into the first grade math room. I hope we can talk about a skip to first grade after winter break if not sooner.

I fully agree. They just aren't getting the picture.

I always dislike that justification for the status quo. Take one batch of skeptical teachers and school admins, season with light reading on "regression to the mean" and possibly apocryphal anecdotes on PG-tested young kids becoming completely normal within years, and voila!

I wish I could offer useful advice. Knowing that someone is wrong doesn't mean you can necessarily get them to do the right thing. Here it sounds like proving their excuses wrong may not give you critical mass to change their in-place GT programming. It's a bad situation, but I hope for the best.

I think that she'll really enjoy 2.5 hours of kindy a day, and she probably will act like her neighbors, but maybe you'll get lucky and an experienced kindy teacher will see through the act.
Maybe consentrate on getting her some really brain-squeezing mentoring/tutoring in the afternoon?
Love and More Love,
Grinity

Since I don't post a lot, here is a background. I have a 5 (almost 6) year old DS who is very self driven. Much smarter than me but, definitely gets it honestly. (Please don't judge me by my grammar I was a horrible student until college, lol.) He is one of those kids that gets fixated on something until he gets it right, ok he totally gets THAT from me. He started with letters when he was a baby and started reading at 2 and well at 3. He lagged behind on his maths but, has a full grasp of negative numbers and figured out multiplication on his own and gets that there is an opposite to it, he just isn't interested in it yet. He was also speech delayed and has been labeled with ASD by the school however we haven't had an official diagnosis since his OT, ST, DT and two peds have said no that isn't what they think is going on. I have a Psychiatrist referral but, haven't taken him yet.
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DS has his K phelps testing today. It was super quick. I could hear him in there but, not 100%. Basically could just hear him giving her the answers and repeating what she wanted repeated etc. All the while I am in the waiting area filling out the paper on whether or not he knows how to count to ten, recognize the letters in his name and can he pick out some capital letters. It may be a very long year. On the plus side I think I have a kid that is happy for now to do easy work as long as he is getting praised for it and very eager to play with the kids (only child).
I volunteered to be a weekly helper so hopefully that will help me stay on top of things. I am SO nervous. He LOVED his developmental preschool so much but, it was so non-academic that it worked great for him. He has kind of done one of his 'stalls' I call them where it seems like his learning is slowing down but, then suddenly he jumps way up seemingly from nowhere. I won't be surprised if he starts K at a 4th grade reading level and possibly doing long division.

I am very grateful our IEP meeting falls in September. I think it will be a good evaluation time.

I have also been told he will even out. If people only knew how silly that sounded to us.

Well school has been in session for two weeks, and so far, so good. We have met with the K teacher and she is a kind, experienced teacher who seems to support my daughter. She says she asks her questions that she knows are beyond the others,has her do certain helping tasks, and they are in the process of testing the kids and once that is done, she will be grouped with kids based on ability. During a meeting yesterday, the teacher even mentioned examples of my DD5 saying and doing things beyond the class (they brought in squares, she talked about cubes as a three dimensional object with six squares on the side etc.) and seemed supporive of it,surprised and taken off guard at times, but not threatened or annoyed. The psychologist who came along with me clearly told her that my DD was not one of those high performing kids who will level off in third grade. She also talked about over-excitabilities. Speaking of over-excitabilities, my DD5 who is notoriously high intensity, impulsive, and can look ADHDish, has been in control and happy in school. Their OT and their guidance counselor came in and both said she was a lovely child that they never would have pegged for having any sensory or behavior issues. I'm proud of her, and I think one reason she is holding it together is that this teacher respects her and her pre-K teacher spoke down to her. I think this new K teacher still shoots too low when she gave examples of "challenges" but she will find out on her own that those are too easy. I know it is only two weeks in, but it is a good start. I feel they are much more supporitve of her here than at her pre-k where they were annoyed by my asking them to differentiate in any way. I know of one boy in the class who seems to be of a similar ability, so they may work together. Her class is huge, 24 kids, and they have almost no time for free play, crafts, or recess, but so far, my DD5 is coming home happy. She is highly social and is making many friends. It probably helps that it is only 2.5 hours. Maybe they are only placating me right now, but for now, things seem fine. For the record, I actually do not want to grade skip her. She is young and nervous in terms of navigating the school and being away from home. In class, she is very outgoing and confident, but I want her to grow more confident this year and hope they can provide things in the classroom with eventual help from the gifted coordinator. They won't have actual gifted programming for several years though.

Getting praised for doing easy work may not be the "plus" that it appears to be at this point. If you haven't yet, be sure to read the perfectionism threads on this forum.

Your description of your child's motivation level, including the "stalls" and leaps, reminds me of my dd. Good for you for getting in that classroom and seeing what's going on. I imagine a lot of how this year will go depends on the teacher that your child gets. It sounds like you're on top of things with both the possible ASD and also the giftedness. Good for you.

Bigbadwool, if you are looking to rule ASD in or out, a psychiatrist probably isn't your best bet. They tend to be very good at selecting and prescribing meds, but not necessarily at diagnosing ASDs.

I'd seek out a developmental pediatrician or neuropsychologist, preferably one who has seen lots and lots of kids on the spectrum, including gifted ones. That is your best bet for teasing out what is autism and what is giftedness and what is something else.

Best,
DeeDee

I'm curious to know how this "assessing for learning disabilities" played out with a grade skip? I have just asked the school to test DD8 for disabilities because of herr refusal to do certain kinds of work and the school counselor suggested it. She helped me write the letter...I figure at least we would know what is NOT the problem but are you saying that this process, at least in your state, revealed that your child was ready to be in the next grade? Because that really gives me hope, that maybe in ruling things out, we would actually get some answers about what IS.