Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Question for parents of sensitive kids

I'm looking for others' experience on how you balance information discussed with your sensitive kids. When I say DS6 is sensitive, I mean he is empathetic, concerned about the plights of others, and spiritually questing for his beliefs (we are not a religious family, so this has been interesting). He's not sensitive in terms of being easily upset or taking things people say to him personally. His sensitivity is focused outward toward others and the universe.

We struggle sometimes with the information he requests from us about current news events, deaths of friends and family members, the situations of those less fortunate. He's extremely analytical and logical, he requires details, and we often end up in discussions most would expect to have with their teenager, not a 6yo - I know parents on this forum can relate. We try to share as much detail as he requests at a particular time, but not more; although we don't always get it right. He processes over a period of days, weeks, or months, and asks questions as he's ready or needs more.

Yesterday, Bin Laden's death was a discussion topic with him. We tried to keep the details at the right level for the information he wanted, and for what he could handle emotionally. I worry though that learning about this is too heavy for him - things that roll off most kids' backs, he thinks about on and off for long periods of time. But I also can't pretend that world events don't happen either, and I can't keep my kid shielded from the current events around us. I don't want to. And he wants to know about them. So where does that balance lie? What do others on this forum do to talk to their sensitive children about difficult subjects like this?

I tend to filter. I don't think you need to keep it from them, but if you know something is disturbing to a child (especially at only 6 years old) there is really no need to go into detail regarding current affairs etc. If the subject comes up, discuss it, but in terms for a CHILD, not from the news. The news looks for the shock factor because it makes for good TV and it gets viewers (however, adult viewers are the target.) Again, just filtering and remembering the age of your child you can modify how the information is presented. My child is 9 and I don't let her watch the news. I may tell her about things that affect our country but not from seeing it on the news or hearing it from the TV. We talk about it and she learns about it in a controlled environment.

I know this struggle. One of the things I have had to deal with is that my child goes to school, so if I do not inform the other children inform. I would prefer that my child has my values and a chance to process before getting some other values or the shock through other lenses. We also do not watch the news. I made sure my kiddo never saw the footage of the planes or the twin towers for as long as I could. (She was much younger at that time.) However when she was a bit older we visited Ground Zero and she learned about what happened in a more real way. She has seemed able to handle a "real" experience better than some abstract discussion. She learned about the Holocaust through the Holocaust Museum.

I think my very sensitive child (now 14 yrs) used to self defend against current events. She didn't want to know. So we didn't tell her. My younger dd is more curious and will ask more questions.

To me, that your child is asking you for this type of information indicates that you have provided "just right" discussions. Not too much, not too little.

I agree that the TV can destroy this balance that you've created.

MON - I like the way you went about the Bin Laden explanation. I think I'll go back and talk with my DS7 a bit more about this. He heard the news on the radio on the way to work, so I explained what happened with the Twin Towers. Then so he could sort of understand, I said our government thought he was a "boss creep." I think I will bring it up again to discuss people's reactions.

I should say that I don't have the most sensitive kid in the world. I kept finding "sensitivity" on the list of GT characteristics and figured my son must not be all that GT...

I, too, have a sensitive kid (DS8) and I answer his questions simply and straightforwardly. (But, I think I have an advantage because in my profession (veterinarian) I have to relay bad news to people all the time. I've gotten in the habit of saying it straight, then answering each question as it arises.)

My son at age 6 also went through a spiritual questioning period and wanted to go to church and learn about god. We are athiests, so I found a very tolerant unitarian congregation that had religious education for kids. That seemed to answer a lot of his questions better than me saying, "It's just a myth."

My poor son just heard about ear cropping and tail docking for the first time and almost vomited. We have a stray Boxer-mix and DS kept saying how glad he was that our dog had been "wild" because otherwise he would have had his ears cropped and tail docked.

My son also takes several days to process bad events that he hears about. He absolutely won't talk about them until he is ready. So far, he is really good about asking us instead of just relying on what he hears from other kids.

My DD is 4.5 and a sensitive kid. She, too, ponders everything and will continue to ask questions months down the road. We have been able to shield her from most of the current news but I suspect that won't be for much longer. She has had some recent deaths to contend with in her immediate world and overall she has handled it well, but she definitely questions the afterlife and what is to become of the souls. We are a religious family which at least helps us answer her with what we feel happens. If she takes that as truth, I'm not sure. I'll be watching this thread and storing the knowledge for later when DD can't be shielded from the outside world.

We stopped listening to NPR when DD was 4 because the questions and concerns got to be too much. We avoid TV news and don't get a paper (would be our choices anyway, but they help). She occasionally hears things at school, but I do not bring anything up unless she asks. I don't think she knows about the tsunami, nor about bin Laden. It's just too much for her, and she gets agitated and worried and sad.

D21 is our more sensitive one, D16 not as much. We actually use NPR as a primary news source, and the only time I can remember ever turning it off so my kids wouldn't hear it was on 9/11. Also kept the TV off while they were around that day. And when the Oklahoma City bombing happened, I let them see about 5 minutes of the TV news, then shut it off.

I grew up in a household where kids (esp. girls) were not expected to know about current events. I was woefully ignorant on the topic when I went to college, and had a lot of catching up to do. It made me a bit of a news junkie once I figured out how dumb I was about the world.

So... we have made it a priority for our kids to know about current events. It means answering a lot of questions, and sometimes getting into discussions that are uncomfortable. It means comforting and explaining (as best we can) when something bad happens. But I think overall it has been good for them. For example, when the tsunami hit Indonesia several years ago, my kids came to me and said they wanted to contribute some of their savings to help (actually, they wanted to contribute ALL of their savings, but we settled on a portion of it and I matched it instead). D21 is working at the State Department this semester, and hopes to go into a career in politics or working for State -- if we had shielded her from current events, I don't think she would have found that passion.

Our son has always pondered and asked questions about death and other deep/advanced issues. We are atheists, but have sent him to church a few times with his grandmother to satisfy some of his curiosity about religion. At one point he was shaping up to be quite sensitive, like I was as a young child; for example, I remember being obsessed with stuff like nuclear weapons, to the point of being too distressed to sleep well for a long time.

I embarked on a relentless campaign to desensitize and toughen him up, which seems to be working. He can now watch the news, and has some pretty violent favorite movies that I think would distress many kids his age (I shield him from over-the-top gore and other troubling content). He remains intensely interested in ethical questions, but today in a lot of respects is an ordinary rough-and-tumble little boy who likes to play with toy weapons.